hungover ramblings...

f***ing crap...went out drinking last night and it felt like it has been ages since i last did. everything went smoothly at first, and the next thing i knew...i was already on my couch with a can of beer on the table, don't even remember the journey back home hehehe...

i kinda knew going out with the group last night wouldn't be a good idea cos the moment i stepped into the place i was already feeling lonely and somewhat depressed, but i did..for one special reason, which i will keep it to myself :). i somehow knew what or how would i be in that state of mind when i do get drunk but ignored it completely thinking whatever happens, happens..something i learned from a certain someone :).

anyhow, am having a bad hangover right now and the last drink i remember drinking was a glass of stout which i think i didn't even finish hahaha. i dont think i drank that much, it's a wonder how i got to be drunk :P.

will update more later, gonna sleep off the throbbing in my head. i'm off this morning but will be working this evening...damn you monthly medals!! hehehe

ciao....i suddenly have the urge to apologize...i'm sorry for what i did.. wtf??!!!hahaha.

mood: craving for susu kacang sejuk hahaha

after hours rambling :)

just finished entertaining my media for today and feeling a bit tired. we practically spent half the day at the beach taking shots with the sunset as our finale.

watching the sun set beyond the horizon, the clear lutescent sky with hues of azure was a temporary relief to the confusing turbulance i was experiencing within since this afternoon. i dunno why, but as the sun totally dissapeared from view leaving just trails of its afterglow, i began to wonder the beauty in everything and everyone...but only for a good few minutes because whatever i was thinking suddenly dissappeared the moment i returned to reality and realized that reality sucks! hehe...

frankly, being at the beach somewhat reminds me of that certain someone and i have no idea why, it's not like we spent most of our time at the beach...geez...and for a moment i did feel a bit melancholic, and the wish for everything to be the same as it was before overwhelmed the rationale and realistic side of me. i kinda learned the hard way that some things are just not meant to be no matter how right it feels because it takes two to make things work :).

anyhow, was thinking of going to the lobby lounge for a drink or two, but if i were to look back and reflect...that place holds a memory i dont think i will ever forget haha cos that's the place where it all started :). but you know what, maybe i can ignore that for the time being. i deserve to have a good time after a tiring day at work hahaha...

anyway, do listen the song by Luther Vandross titled 'I'd Rather' before signing off. look it up in my playlist and judge the song yourself. this is an example how a good song and great lyrics makes a hit (browse the lyrics yourself in the net hehehe) :).

time now is 9.58pm, so...Goodnight peeps and may you have the sweetest dreams tonight :)...

ciao..

babblings of an idiot hehehe

been keeping myself busy for the past couple of days, but instead of complaining i'm actually having fun with what i'm doing :).

one thing about being occupied with work is that it gets your mind off stuff, stuffs that you can't afford to think about, depressing and sad things. but in doing so, other areas are affected as well such as having fun, being happy...in short, living life.

i'd love to say that i'm living a life, but the question to ponder on is..what kind of life? do i want to live a boring and dull life or do i want to go at it the other way around? i dunno, i'd love to go for the latter but come to think of it, is it necessary? my answer is...not really.

i am living a life, although not the one i wanted but the point is, i am living it up and working my way around on what is presented in front of me. most of the time it sucks, but if we are to look for the silver linings, even the little things would mean a lot. and that's what i'm doing now, finding that silver lining in everything i do and looking things half full. but if i were to keep up the optmisim, wouldn't i be living a lie by not acknowledging the real situation? wouldn't i be deceiving everyone by putting up a perky and positive self presentation? well, who knows right hehe.

sometimes living isn't about having fun or being happy all the time, living isnt about doing the things that we want. what living really means is knowing what life is all about, not only our own but each and everyone's, and experiencing every possible emotions we can conjure up. we don't have to do death defying activities to know that we're alive, we dont have to mingle around or chat up with anyone we meet up to prove our existence.

we can live the life we want to from someone else's eyes and experiences, although personal experiences are priceless but learning from other's experiences should be well worth it as well for what they can show us can be equally rewarding in many sense.

what am i babbling here!!?? hahaha. just another selfish insight from a reclusive hermit :)). owh and yess...just so you know, I LEFT MY BLOODY MOBILE AT HOME, how idiotic can someone be!! hahaha

ps: i haven't reached the point of being suicidal............ yet hahahaha

good afternoon peeps :)..

life and music...

imagine a world without sounds, music and colors...a world of only black and white with a touch of grey in between and a world where the only sounds that can be heard are the deafening static of silence. quite frightening isn't it? well, it makes us wonder what exactly the blind sees and deaf hears because if what they see and hear are exactly what i imagined, i haven't been thankful enough of what the Maker above has granted me..:).

Music has always been an integral part of my growing up and i couldn't imagine a world without music. being a geek and a loner during my younger days, i didn't have much to look forward to and my only trusted companions on these solitary times were my books, sketch book and definitely music.

i used to listen to different kind of tunes according to my mood swings; i would blast my radio with hard rock when i get pissed off, play the jazz or ballads when i feel calm or content, slow rock when i feel lonely and melancholic, and the classicals when i feel in need of inspiration :).

but even with my interest in music, i have no talent in singing or playing any musical instruments hahaha. i did sign up for a piano lesson earlier this year, but due to my work schedule i decided to let it go...but i might probably take it up again since a friend has offered to personally be my tutor (with a price of course hehe). though i've never heard her play before, but since she has been giving piano lessons for quite sometime i trust that she is good as they say, it's just a matter of time hehe :).

Happy moments...

man...what am babbling at this early morning? hehe. anywho...good morning peeps!! :)

Still - United Hillsong

isn't it amazing how songs can sometimes invoke hidden emotions or bring out memories? but i wont elaborate more on the why and how, i just wanna share with you one of the songs i used to listen to everyday when i wake up in the morning, when i'm alone in the room and before going to sleep at night..that is when i was still in Kuching studying :).

wasn't much of a church going person, and whenever the topic of religion came up the discussion would normally turn into a friendly debate with me being the only opposition standing to prove that everything can be explained. then again, i was just being a devil's advocate for their own good because sometimes people can be religiously fanatic to the point of demeaning other religion, and that i can't accept. to me, religion is something which makes every men and women to be a better person and thinking that their religion is better than the rest is nothing more like saying 'i'm better than you because i'm richer'...duh.

but even with the debates, and not being actively religious...i've always believed in Him. but believing isn't enough because i lack faith and i'm ashamed to admit it myself. because of that..i've done many stupid and silly things (until now) knowing full well the consequences of my own actions.

well, getting back to the song i was talking about, it never fails to give me some kind of unseen strength and motivation and at the same time...get the tears rolling down my cheeks whenever i sing it out loud. yeah, pathetic isn't it..but i just can't stop thinking and regretting about the things i've done whenever this song plays because deep down i know no matter how hard i try to change, i would be repeating the same mistakes again. well, after few years of not listening to it, i came across this song in the net and downloaded it into my playlist, and as i was singing along to the song i felt like crying and apologizing hahaha, probably it's just me..because i'm just strange hehe.

anyhow, the song i was talking about is called 'Still' by Hillsong United (they have other good songs as well...lots of them hehehe). Look through my playlist and try singing along to it, you would either love it or ignore it :).

Still - Hillsong United
Words and Music by Reuben Morgan

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

ciao peeps and may God Bless...goodnite...

sunday going on to monday :)...

woke up quite early this morning and didn't really sleep well, i couldn't help thinking that there's something i should do in the office before coming to work tomorrow. by 9am i was already awake and making calls to be certain all necessary arrangements has been made, but just to make sure i had my colleague who was working over the weekend to run through my personal planner/diary for anything i might have missed out...anyway, everything is all good and i wasted a good sleep for nothing hehe.

looked at the Euro2008 result for the latest match and found out that Holland lost to Russia 1-3....1-3!! i bet most people would've put their money on Holland as they appeared to be the strongest team in the Group C match. probably they should've changed their game line up of 4-2-3-1 after using it in every game hahaha. but anyhow, it's not my place to comment on the game...i didn't even watch it and i don't even play soccer hahaha, at least i didn't bet RM200 on the losing team hahahaha...ehem ehem (sepa makan cili dia rasa pedas aaa...hahaha).

so the rest of the time all i did was browsing through the available songs for my playlist and it occurred to me Keith Urban has some good shit (pardon the pun hehe) in his albums. i like country music but i dont spend as much time listening to it as i should have. the one thing that i like about this genre is that..the lyrics are always straight to the point and the music actually gets to you haha..call me conservative but hey, the heck i care :)

amidst the song browsing, i chanced upon a song by Chris Daughtry (he's practically in a band, and he named his band after himself...talk about vanity hehehe) and LIVE. okay..it's been a long time since i heard of the band and the first time i listened to their album was back in 1994, but then they were already out with their second album entitled 'Throwing Copper'. when i heard Daughtry sing for the first time, he reminded me alot of LIVE band's lead vocalist, Ed Kowalczyk (and Ed Kowalczk sounds alot like Michael Stripe of the band R.E.M..my opinion lah, but dont get me wrong..i'm not into R.E.M hehe). so it was kinda exciting listening to him sing a song with one of the best 90's band ever hahaha. you can listen to their song in my playlist called 'Mystery' by LIVE featuring Chris Daughtry.

well, am feeling somewhat hungry now..gonna have my brunch in a short while :). ciao peeps..and oh, buenas dias people :)..

man...i am smart muahahaha (vanity in action :P)

it's 4am and i'm still wide awake. practically slept the whole day through as i was literally working full day yesterday whence i should be at home by 1pm...stupid site inspection hahaha.

anyhow, i was supposed to join this group of silly people hahaha (mesh, arteo, gidong and jr) for the Jazz festival (love jazz, one of my favorite music genre) held at 1Borneo but due to the lack of sleep from hanging out with the same group last night (in exception of Gdong) and a full day at work, i can barely open up my eyes the moment i plopped onto the bed hahaha (yeah i know..it's my lost sheeshh..). didn't sleep long though, had about 4.5 hours of nap and woke up at about 10pm, would've called up of my friends for the evening's plan but decided otherwise :). so i was homebound the rest of the evening watching my anime and few Japanese movies and drama until i got bored hahaha.

since i couldn't sleep, i decided to watch the euro game but 10minutes after it started i got bored (my bet is still with Holand hahaha) and i was back in front of the PC wondering what else to do on the net :). after much thinking and going through my emails, i tried out the tickle super I.Q test (just felt like being smart once in a while hehehe), well..it took me approximately 45mins to complete all the questions and the verdict is:

jeng jeng jeng.....

Jeremy, your IQ score is 131

Your IQ score is 131. This means that you are smarter than 98.0% of all other Super IQ test takers. (cool eh hehehe)

The way you think about things makes you a Conceptual Synthesizer. This means you easily grasp underlying concepts when learning something new. You're also able to see complex relationships between ideas that are not always apparent to other people. You're very focused in your approach to life and are not easily distracted.

hmm..whatever that means, but what is relatively accurate from this result is this:

Your test results indicate that the way you process information makes you a Conceptual Synthesizer.

You are very skilled at divining the real truth in any situation. You can easily read between the lines (i especially like this hehe) and understand exactly what's going on. When learning something new, you easily grasp the underlying concept. You absorb the basic content, filter out the unimportant information, and then focus on what really matters. You never get distracted by tangential points or irrelevant facts.

This acute focus makes you very adept at filtering out the 'noise'. Most people are not capable in this way — they focus on the specific words or numbers being used and can get bogged down. Your mind is less likely to pick up particular vocabulary words or remember mathematical equations, but you understand the essential gist of any situation.

Here's an example of your Conceptual Synthesizer thinking skills at work in a real-life situation:

You are out with a group of people who are talking about a book that you've not read. They are exploring details about the plot, and discussing the elegance of the writing. What you hear loud and clear are the main themes of the story (the romance, the influence of the grandfather, and the predominance of food). At the end of the discussion you tell them you can guess how the book ends, and it turns out, you are right! This is because you were able to pick up on the most important information from their talk as well as glean the general mood of the book and these insights led you to your conclusion. Thank goodness you think the way you do! (basically this is quite accurate, one of the reasons why i get bored easily hehehe).

in summary, out of the 100points, i scored:
99 for my organizational, spatial, mechanical and visual abilities

a) Your organizational ability score is 99 out of 100. Organizational ability is what allows you to organize and arrange information effectively, be precise, and proofread carefully.

b) You scored 99 out of 100. You use spatial ability to judge the relationship between objects and physical space, like a parked car and the width of the road. It is also what helps you visualize a room when you are decorating or rearranging furniture.

c) You scored 99 out of 100. Mechanical ability is what helps you understand how machines and tools work. Someone with a good amount of mechanical ability probably has an innate understanding of physics. High mechanical skill is also associated with a high degree of precision and practical thinking.

d) Your score is 99 out of 100. Visual ability allows you to accurately visualize all aspects of an object for the purposes of recreating it, the way painters do. It's also what you use to imagine a scene from a novel or a story someone tells you — the ability to accurately reproduce reality in the mind's eye.

95 for my logical ability
= Your scored 95 out of 100. Logical ability is what you use when determining whether or not something makes sense. You rely on logic when analyzing an argument, step-by-step. This ability also contributes to your aptitude for recognizing underlying patterns.

Compared with others, your logical ability is very high. This means that you are an extremely logical person.

93 for my abstract reasoning ability
= Your score is 93 out of 100. With abstract reasoning you can think on multiple levels and see relationships between ideas that are not easily apparent. When you're using your abstract reasoning skills, you draw on both external logical and creative sources of information to come up with your solution.

Compared with others, your abstract ability is very high. This means that you have a very strong abstract ability.

62 for my verbal ability (which is quite unfair as i think i should score higher in this field...)
= Your verbal ability score is 62 out of 100. Verbal ability means having an expansive range of vocabulary, being able to use it, and feeling a desire to add to it. It is also what allows you to comprehend the relationships and subtle difference between words.

Compared with others, your verbal ability is high. This means that you have a strong verbal ability.

62 for my numerical ability (justified hahaha..tolda you am not good with numbers :p)
= You scored 62 out of 100. You use numerical ability when you spot a numerical pattern or solve a numerical equation.

Compared with others, your numerical ability is high. This means that you process numbers easily (easily your a**!! math is one of my weakest subject you idiot!! hehehe)

man...how cool is this? hehehe..anyhow, it's almost 5am and i should be getting to bed right now. goodnight peeps, may you have the sweetest dreams :)...

ciao peeps :)