when the stout speaks hehe

it was just couple of days ago when the stress finally caught up to me. i couldn't think of anything else but to relax and have everything out of my mind. so i figured 'hey, what the heck, maybe all i need are a few glasses of beer and everything would be fine' and off i went to a restaurant nearby my workplace for the beer therapy :p.

after few months of sporadic drinking opportunities, i realized it didn't take much for me to get tipsy...3 cans, was all that was needed to get my world spinning hahaha.

during the alone time, i reflected to the places i've been to and people i've met (or saw) and it seems that everyone has their own ways of appreciating and enjoying life. i remember going to a pub few weeks prior and there was this girl who was dancing as if trying to get everyone's attention to herself. normally i would think that she may be..you know..a slut, but on that particular time, i didn't see it that way. all i saw was a girl dancing her heart out oblivious to other people's opinions, she was just having fun as the way she knows it.

then it hit me, i've been to engrossed with seeing how things appear to be rather than what things are really like..and at that same moment, i was hit by a guilt of not really appreciating the things which chances by me and for not enjoying what life really means! i live in my own world, my comfort zone when i could be out there making a difference. i'm afraid of making mistakes (especially the same ones) that i resolved to be in my safe place where i am invincible from anything :). but my world isn't complete and never will be because, it evolves based on my own evolution, it expands based on the experiences i've gathered and right now, its on a halt. i haven't been feeding it with the necessary information for it to continue spinning, i need to be out there and gain as much experience as i can for it to continue evolving :).

after thinking about this and some other random stuff, it occurred to me...I WAS SUPPOSED TO RELAX MY MIND FROM HAVING ANY THOUGHTS, i mean, THE ONLY REASON I WAS DRINKING WAS BECAUSE I NEEDED TO GIVE MY MIND A BREAK!!! hahaha. then again, i am at my best alone..most of the time, my ponderings provides me with the best lessons in life....better than going through the actual experiences hehehe. ciao peeps :)

ps: this is bliss..am on my off day and having my second can of guinness stout alone in my room :)

logic and emotion

had a chance to watch the movie STAR TREK the other night and one major reason i was keen in watching the movie is because of SPOCK. man, loved his character ever since i was a kid! and the guy who played the character nailed the part :). so, what is it which attracted me to SPOCK? Well...aside from he's an alien, i like his philosophies on logic and emotion :). why exactly do i like it...i'm not too sure myself, probably the following paragraphs could explain the reason...

I once said before that i'm a confused guy (always have been). I seem to question everything around me (in my head) even in the most simplest situations. Take the concept of right and wrong for example. Have you ever wondered what is right and what is wrong? who determines which one is which? and why is 'right' better than 'wrong'? Personally i think, the concept is still in the grey area. the conflicting definition or understanding in law, religion, societal and morality point of views has caused a rift in many individuals (myself included hehe) proving the concept to be more confusing time and time again.

As children, we were told not to play with fire lest we get burnt. Now, the right thing to do here is to listen and do what is told, and the wrong thing would be the other way around. but if doing the right thing means we would have to turn our backs on learning new experiences, so does it mean learning is wrong? hahaha....yeah, it took me several years to realize that, sometimes, doing the right things means going with your gut instinct because there are just some things which cannot be learned from any text books (life would be a lot simpler if it was all in black and white right? :P) but keep in mind, the gut instinct i'm referring to isn't the kind like a 6th sense, but instead, an instinct based on the accumulated facts gathered throughout years of experiences by observation or proven cases.

so, how exactly do i deal with all these questions and doubts? simple...i hold true to this simple saying 'ignorance is bliss' and let logic takes it's course. there will be moments when we can't make heads and tails of what we're feeling, we can't trust our instinct because we are too clouded with the current situation. but if we look deep enough, our logical side will present us with the solution and eventually clear the clouds of confusion :).

then again...we are only humans, and all humans are cursed with imperfections leading us to make some of the worst mistakes in life. but hey, we get stronger and wiser from it right?, talk about a blessing in disguise :).

ps: expect similar nonsense in future entries muahahaha

my life in a while...

When i first started blogging, it was meant to be an outlet to express my cluttered thoughts. Only the Man above knows what sort of craps go through my mind at every single moment for the past many years and having an overactive imagination didn't help the least in lessening it :).

It's quite difficult to elaborate more on what i mean by 'clutters' and 'craps'. I was, I am and have always been on a quest to better understand myself and everything around me (yeah, I am and have always been a confused lad :P). And this quest has led me to read more and observe the people around me which brought more questions than answers. Just like mathematics, even if we can calculate the equations in our head, we still need to jot it down on a piece of paper for record or visual to better assess the accuracy of such calculations, and in my case, i had to put my thoughts into words to justify the meanings of my perceptions.

What i didn't expect was, a few people took a liking to what i wrote...especially the entries which involves my personal views about stuffs and my personal life (i believe everyone needs to read something like this once in while as a comparison to their own life and help them realize their own advantages and vice versa or they're just plain nosy :p).

But as of lately, i couldn't bring myself to write as much as i used to. There are a lot i'd like to blog about and share with my readers, many things has happened ever since the start of new year, but the problem is, soon after i start an entry, i would stop halfway (and sometimes after only a few sentences) and leave it hanging just like that. it's like, my insipration has a very low mortality gauge hahaha.

So what exactly has been going on with my life lately? i've been swamped with work to the point of not being able to hang out with friends, i've been an ass to my colleagues who thinks that i am an enquiry counter and a miracle worker, i'm more in control of my life without being distracted by any unnecessary things, my average drinking session is only once a week, i'm losing weight dramatically in just a matter of weeks and one major thing which keeps me sane despite all the stress and confusion i have to go through is...i count my blessings :).

Now, these are more or less what has been going on with my life. i could elaborate more on it but i dont think anyone would like to read a long entry on what i have been doing hahahaha...

ciao peeps...till next time.

ps: will try to blog more often once my inspiratin gauge has been rectified :)...

nothing much....

Nothing much to say...just that, gonna watch STAR TREK tonight (i just love SPOCK's character :)) and i think i'm in love with the song 'MAD WORLD' sung by Adam Lambert hahahaha.

Ciao :)...

coffee? no thank you...:)

'i'm sleepy!!!'

'go make yourself some coffee...'

'but I don't drink coffee'

'oh yeah? why?

'dunno, probably because i prefer tea more...?'

this is more or less the scenario i go through whenever i tell anyone that i'm feeling sleepy or lethargic, it seems that coffee is the answer to everyone who isn't up and running.

sometimes, it annoys me to tell people that 'i don't drink coffee', knowing full well what their response of either words or expression would be like :). then again, i've been asking the same question myself as well, why don't i drink coffee?. honestly, there is no reason for me not to drink coffee, i mean, i'm not allergic to it or do i hate the taste and smell of it... in fact, i love the aroma of coffee beans and freshly brewed coffee!

one thing i'm pretty sure is, coffee has no significance on me whatsoever :). the so called caffeine content is ineffective to the likes of me, i could drink coffee and still be sleepy! in light of this, i'm proud to say that i am invicible to two substances...caffeine and marijuana hahaha.

i intended to elaborate more on coffee, its pros and cons...but decided otherwise because, i suddenly felt like not doing it hahaha. google it up yourself peeps :).

ps: this is quite a short entry isn't it...then again, what the heck :). ciao...

the lethargic theory of dreams :)

things has been a bit slow in the office today, but despite the lagged atmosphere...i still managed to get my mind worked up with the pending invoices from my suppliers which has been laying in my in tray unattended for the past couple of weeks, and as i shifted through each and every one of it, i found a couple of invoices dated since last year. darn it, that explains why the supplier has been chasing me for the payment haha. anyhow, all those calculations and follow ups has left me a bit worn out (what can i say...maths always gets my brain tired haha).

the lethargy which stemmed from the nightmares last night didn't do me much good as well. having a nightmare isn't exactly being granted a peaceful sleep and dreaming of two nightmares in both attempts of having an assured rest is like stepping on dog shit twice haha. then again, i kind of appreciate the dreams though. it has been a long time since i had any weird dreams and i was beginning to wonder if there was anything wrong with me hahaha.

dreams, be it bad or good, is just another way of escaping the harsh reality of life. since i'm always in control of my dreams (in a sense that i know i'm in a dream whilst still dreaming), i would take it as a simulator to some of the obvious events that might happen in the future, a preparation of some sort. although the dreams never turn out exactly as how it's supposed to be, but at least, the proxy of situations are close enough to make a deduction of garnering the best possible decision :).

yeah, it is true that when our mind are cluttered with confusion, we tend to encounter nightmares of different sorts and most of us would wake up before the nightmare ends. but if we were to stay on with the dream and overcome the situation, i can assure you that a small part of the confusion will be stripped away leaving you feeling better than you were the day before (that is if you didn't die in your dreams muahahaha, just kidding :p).

on the other hand, i would like to propose a theory on how dreams may affect a person's memory. we know for a fact that our memories would gradually fade away as we age due to the mortality rate of our brain cells. but, if it is true that our memory dies with the cells, isn't it logical to think that it would disappear as immediate as how it was formed in the first place?

okay, so our brain cells wouldn't die instantly, probably it takes time for it to degenerate. in that period, we could theoretically assume the memory would try re-invent itself into something else via dreams instead of transferring itself entirely to another cell because, theoretically speaking, the cells have this understanding among themselves that any new cells which comes to birth has their own duty of creating new memories for the host, so full transference is not even an option.

since it couldn't be transferred as a whole, the old memories would try to make its mark by embedding itself in dreams, hoping the subconscious mind would take note of it and start delegating the bits and pieces in several parts into the existing cells without being too imposing. this could probably be the reason why we couldn't remember our dreams after (give and take) 7 minutes of waking up because by the end of it, the dream has been broken up in fragments due to the unavailability of allocated memory cells for the re-invention of full memory transference, and since memory is without form, it should be feasible to akin dreams to energy, it can't be destroyed but it can be manipulated or transferred :).

so what about those who could remember their dreams upon waking up? well, it could be deduced that the dreams were so profoundly real it made an impact to the mind (which has happened to me on several occasions, i couldn't even tell if it was a dream or an actual event hahaha) or the dreams could be remembered when we instantly and conciously jot down the details upon waking up :).

ps: damn it....this is dumb hahaha...then again, there are still a lot more to discover about us humans...right? ciao peeps :)...

yeah right...whatever :)

You are The Sun

Happiness, Content, Joy.

The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.

Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.

The Sun is ruled by the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon's Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.