the disrupted constancy...

i woke up this morning not exactly knowing what day it is. the heavy rain seemed more imperative then what the rest of the day has in store for me. after few minutes of lying down on my bed and after regaining sense of the surrounding, it occurred to me that today 'should be different' than any other days. unfortunately, the excitement was momentarily outlived when i realized that 'today is just the same as any other days, until i decide to make it differently'. yeah, i'm a wet blanket even to myself haha :p.

so basically, i started my day just as i would everyday; go to work, get stressed out at work, and back to work again convincing myself that i am not stressed out; a repetitive process until lunch time. for no apparent reason, i wanted to be alone during lunch hour, i didn't feel like mingling around and i definitely wasn't in the chatting mood. off i went, taking a 15 minutes stroll hoping to clear my mind (which was already blank in the first place haha) before deciding on which restaurant to patron for lunch. the mindless walking brought me to a familiar restaurant, a filipino restaurant and coincidentally enough, the place was vacant as it was just opening for business and i was their first customer.

i liked the environment, no one around except for the workers and it felt really comfortable and safe...i suddenly got to thinking, that maybe, just maybe, everyone needs a place where they can comfortably go to without having to think what others are thinking. not to say a place where you're free to do whatever you want and be yourself, but more like a place where you can just relax...

signal hill used to be 'the' place i would go to. regardless of how dark and spooky it was, it didn't bother me the least. i liked the midnight chill, the eerie silence which would be broken by the passing cars and the gloomy darkness which has the charm to lull me to sleep, but the best part is, i have the place all to myself. after quite sometime, the place ceased to be mesmerizing and ever since then, i have yet to find a venue which could give off a similar impression :).

the rest of the day continued as how it had started, and it should have ended the same as any other days as well. yeah, 'should have' is the operative word here. i don't exactly advertise my birthdate on my networking profiles nor do i disclose the date to anyone...the next thing i knew, i was presented with a cake with one candle lit. i 'should' be flattered, or even be slightly surprised because i wasn't expecting any of it, but i felt nothing and did nothing except to 'forcefully' give my colleagues a smile as a token of appreciation. yeah, today is my birthday...but that doesn't make it any special than yesterday or tomorrow because i'm just grateful to live another day. besides, i'm not exactly one to celebrate his own birthday haha.

then again, my appreciation goes to these people who took time to wish me personally or sent me a message:
a) my sisters: Gems, Ginds and Inden
b) cousins: Tesz & Kane
c) the gidiots: Mel, Yo & Shan (qualified by default haha)
d) Kupi (the catalyst for the consequent wishes)
e) Gidong
f) Lissa
g) Callixtus@Tom
h) Mamai
i) Gurangak
j) Sebastian@Sabas
k) mesh
l) lastly, to my Colleagues and Ex-colleagues & the 'Dysfunctional Family' :).

So, what exactly did i do on my birthday today? well, i'm now at coffee bean drafting this entry with a friend haha. cheers, ciao and thanks.

ps: i know the belated wishes would flood in after today, so pardon me if your name isn't listed..but do know that your wishes are appreciated just the same :).

smiles...

it has been awhile (a looong while) since my last entry and it's not because i don't have anything to say, in fact, i have loads to tell. but just like before, i seem to have difficulties finishing my entries, adding more to the existing unpublished entries in my draft folder.

so, how am i doing nowadays? hmmm...so far my new job and new working environment is good, i've been spending more time with my online animes ever since i got my new laptop, i've been a homebody for quite sometime now (and i like it hehe), i have loads of activities penned down after this next 3 months, i'm missing my ex-college mates and lastly, i'm just happy being where i am now. quite generic isn't it? well, sometimes the simplest things are the best things in life.

i've been thinking alot about the smiles on people's faces.., i mean, what do we see in them? how exactly do we perceive them? a single upward curve of the lips, is all it takes to encrypt a message either consciously or subliminally giving hints of sincerity, sarcasm, affection, hatred, sanity and others. yeah, a smile can divulge all those information.

i've always been attracted to another person's smile, not because of it looks good on anyone doing it but, just like the eyes, a smile can be just as intriguing :). deciphering the kind of smile a person expresses is like trying to read a person just by looking at their eyes, a body language which most people tend to overlook.

my question now is...when was the last time you really smiled? :)

When I see You Smile.....

Just for the sake of updating this blog, i'm gonna leave you with this evergreen slow rock :)



WHEN I SEE YOU SMILE - BAD ENGLISH

Sometimes i wonder
If i'd ever make it through
Through this world
Without having in you
I just wouldn't have a clue
Cause sometimes it seems
Like this world's closing in on me
And there's no way of breaking free
And then i see you reach for me
Sometimes i wanna give up
Wanna give in
I wanna quit the fight
And then i see you baby
And everything's alright
Everything's alright
When i see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know i can do anything
When i see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh i see it shining
Right through the rain
When i see you smile
Baby when i see you smile at me
Oh yeah
Baby there's nothing in this world that could ever do
What the touch of your hand can do
It's like nothing that i ever knew
Hey
And when the rain is falling
I don't feel it
Cause you're here with me now
I wanna ask you baby
It's all i¹ll ever need
All i'll ever need
When i see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know i can do anything
When i see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh i see it shining
Right through the rain
When i see you smile baby
Baby when i see you smile at me
Sometimes i wanna give up
I wanna give in
I wanna quit the fight
Then one look at you baby
And everything's alright
Hey everything's alright
It's alright
When i see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know i can do anything
When i see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh i see it shining
Right through the rain
Yeah
When i see you smile
Yeah i can face the world
Oh you know i can do anything now
When i see you smile
Oh yeah
Baby when i see you smile
Smile at me

man, 80's slow rock and ballads are still the best :). ciao peeps...

beautifully confused...:)

dreams, my way of escaping reality has been a big help for as long as i can remember. it's either an eye opener (rarely) or confusing (mostly) but regardless of which one is which, it's always pleasurable.

but my dreams hasn't been occuring as often as it used to or as it should be, or maybe i may have been dreaming but seem to have forgotten about it the moment reality weighed itself on me upon waking up :).

but last night, i had one of the weirdest dreams which had me refreshed and feeling good. i can't really recall what it was, but i do remember it as snippets of events... short glimpses of different events being woven into a dream, like a quilt made from different materials.

like i said, i couldn't make out what i dreamt about but the confusion sure feels damn good as if i am bound to experience nothing but good things in the near future :).

am rambling now aren't i, can't help it though...i FEEL DAMN GOOD! hahaha. ciao

a reminder...

"the morning sky is depressingly dark...but i like, it has a sense of tranquility amidst the chaos :)...", reads my facebook status message this morning. literally, it means exactly what was written. but its significance lies within the obvious.

for two days, i managed to confuse my fragile mind with unnecessary or irrelevant thoughts, ideas, assumptions, theories etc etc to the point of being deprived of a restful slumber. none of it was important, but things keep popping up in my head one thing after the other.

but as i was sitting at my desk looking through the window right across me, i could see the leaves rustling due to the strong wind and suddenly heavy rain started pouring down. in that instant, i realized that things aren't as bad and if they aren't as bad then definitely it couldn't get any worse :).

i'm not saying i've been on a string of bad lucks, no..nothing of that sort. it's just that there are times when we take granted of the things around us or moments when we successfully convinced ourselves the good things we have now should be better than how it is, that we failed to appreciate the little things in life. put it simply, i have a good life (to say the least) and everything seems to be in order...but deep down inside, i've always wanted more than what i'm having now. it may be greed or it may be a desire to be better which brought this kind of thinking, but whichever it is, as long as i'm doing it right than there's nothing to complain about..right? :).

i know i've said this before, but regardless of the repetitions, everyone seems to forget. so here i am again reminding everyone including myself to appreciate the little things because if the best things in life are free than the simple ones should be less complicated :).

am loving it...

a lot of good things has happened to me as of late and i couldn't help but count my blessings. for starters, i'll be working in a totally new environment come July (but sadly still in the hotel line haha) and frankly speaking, i'm looking forward to it..counting the days when i will be working with new people, making new friends, meeting new acquaintances and probably make a mark of my own in this close circuited field :).

but with this good news and new job, i was expecting something negative to counteract the positivism (there's no such thing as something 'good', it's like yin and yang, an antithesis) and after a short waiting period, it finally materialized hahaha. yeah, apparently i will be served for haven't been paying my study loans for these past few years..in other words i will be brought to court for my own irresponsibility hahaha. but you know what, i'm not even the least worried, maybe because i know that everything would turn out right. i may not be able to pay the amount at the designated time (which is by this monday hahaha), but i believe it could be settled through some kind of agreement or discussion without having to go through court (fingers crossed). but i'll only worry about that come this monday, which means i would need to make calls and stuff hahaha.

i think age is quickly catching up to me. i'm only in my late 20's but i already feel like i'm in my early 40's hahaha. i tried recalling my past memories in the couple of years, but try as i may, everything seems to be a blur like a dream. maybe it's the consequence of being ignorant all these while or maybe my brain activities are deteriorating more rapidly than expected :).

i've got a lot of things going on in my head but i just couldn't get hold of one single thought. it feels a lot like there's a bird fluttering inside trying to get out making everything a jumble with every flap of its wings :).

i tendered my resignation a few days ago, and the news of me leaving spread like wildfire after it was announced in the management morning briefing (which is quite an honor since only an upper management's resignation would be announced) and shared with the rest of the staff with access to the corporate email (which i rather they didn't because i had in-house calls nearly every 30 minutes, explaining to them why i was leaving. yeah, flattering but guilt stricken).

as mentioned earlier, i am really looking forward to the new challenges and this time, i would have more time for my friends..so wait for me peeps :). ciao...

ps: really really really gonna miss my old workplace...and i am loving life! :)

happiness is a state of mind - FACT!!...hahaha

i couldn't exactly recall when was the last time i went for a drinking marathon, been too occupied with work this past few months which limited my alcohol consumption to once or twice every one or two weeks. which is good though, it actually helped alot in regards to my weight loss haha.

but for the past couple of days, i've been on a drinking spree with family and friends due to the long public holiday we are having and after all those booze and relaxation, it feels like i've been on a holiday for one whole month and i can't wait to get back to work because honestly speaking...i'm getting bored of not doing anything solid and being away from my desk feels like i'm missing out in something hahaha.

the long holiday was good, i mean i had a chance to reconnect with old friends and got to meet up with new acquaintances. i am so relaxed that, metaphorically speaking, my brain has been resetted and ready to accept new inputs and new ideas for improvement is pouring in like an unblocked dam flooding all those doubts and negativities into the dark abyss hahaha.

anyhow, just wanna share with you peeps how happy i am with my life right now. one of my cousins asked me 'aren't you tired of being single?' and my response was 'i am happy with where i am now, so no..i'm not'. which is true, i mean, everything is falling into place, i am heading towards my self contentment that i don't need any insignificant distractions to steer me away from my focus or drown me in insecurities, doubts or any of those menial emotional factors. yeah, i do miss having someone to be with me to share my good and bad times but...who needs a relationship when i can do that with my few good friends and family, right? hehe

okay...enough ramblings for now. gonna get ready for another drinking binge (yeah i know it's late but hey...there are places which opens until late haha). ciao peeps :)

ps: had a drunken discussion in one of our drinking session and one of the topics we touched on was on science. we had a debate on 'gyroscopic inertia' and i couldn't get it out off my head until today (partly because i have a thing with rotating objects hehe). damn it, i'm so curious to learn more that i've begun to read more on it and the worst part is...i'm was not even a science stream student! damn you physics!! hahaha. read up on it guys...quite an interesting concept :).