the single's pressure

okay, all i can say is that...the pressure is on! :)

mom called up a few days back and it started off with the normal caring mother's conversation, until the topic came up. i don't know how it happened, the next thing i knew,she was asking me 'when are you going to tie the knot?. everyone around you are'.

at that moment, i was lost for words but i did manage to blurt out my rare awkward laughter (it only comes out when i'm caught off guard) haha.

but here's a thought. my mom does have a point, i should start looking for a potential life partner right now...i mean, no one's getting any younger right? :). the only problem is, as much as i want to be in a relationship and have someone to come home to at the end of the day, i just don't feel like being in one. i'm quite happy with where i am now without the insecurities of being in a (probably) complicated commitment haha.

i realize that there's a chance that i might be happy, but i'm not really sure how to cope with sharing my life with someone else when i've been living mine being practically alone (but not lonely haha) all these while.

i mean, being in a relationship for fun and being in one for good are two different things. furthermore, i'm not (or at least i dont think) a romantic guy. i wouldn't know what to do to please someone and besides, i would rather rely on my rationality and logic rather than being guided by something unsubstantial like emotions. in other words, i'm a selfish guy with a lesson learned :p.

but if i were to look for someone, i would rather be with someone:
a) smart
b) witty
c) outgoing (ability to get along with my friends and family is vital)

and i would love to say pretty, but that would just make me shallow minded wouldn't it? what can i say, i do have an eye for beautiful stuff hahaha. so being good looking would be a plus.

so, how'd i came up with the criteria above? simple, all of it are the things that i'm not :). so am i that pressured to the point that i should be out there looking for someone else, nah..not really. i think i can still hold it off for a couple of years before i truly consider of settling down :D.

in the mean time, i need to head to the kitchen and prepare my dinner. hmmm, what should i cook on a saturday night? :)

cheers :p

the optimist...

few weeks ago, i had a drink..(okay, that was a lie..it was more like drinks hehehe) with a good friend of mine (yeah woman, you're now officially on my good friend list hahaha). during the course (not intercourse aa muahahaha) of drinking and bar hopping, we managed to talk about random stuff...stupid stuff and eye openers :).

after quite sometime of me guzzling mugs of beers, we came to an interesting topic of love and marriage :). would one wait around for love or would they settle down with second best? (well...i think that's an accurate description of what we talked about hehehe).

i for one is innately conservative and as much as i hate to admit...a stupid romantic hahaha. but i dont simply engage romanticsm with anyone, unless i managed to fool myself into the notion of being in love hahaha.

probably this has been a contributing factor to my failed short relationships, my inability to express or feel love but after my recent breakup, i acquired a new ability, which is the ability to smother the one i thought i loved with excessive affection muahahahaha and since then, i'd rather not feel anything or get into another relationship hahaha.

but despite my nature of being VERY insensitive, i have never imagined myself in a relationship where love is just not present. why? for one, i'm a lazy guy and like i said earlier..a romantic haha. i don't want to work in a relationship just to make love grow. i want to be in a relationship where love is already in place and work my way up from there onwards hahahaha.

but after the talk with the good friend, what she said had some truth to it. i realized that, sometimes love wont happen just by waiting for it. like every other things in life, we have to work for it to make it happen :). and that's my cue to re-think my position. so from now onwards, no more waiting for the good stuff to fall onto my lap and no more expecting things to go smoothly for me :). i'll just work for the things i want in life, in that way..the regret would be much lesser if things didn't work out. at least i can always say 'hey, i tried my best, no regrets here...' or 'it has been good' :).

ps: man....I NEED MORE REST!!! hehehe. morning peeps and ciao :)

a not so pathetic entry...

i grew up practically alone, being the odd one and only son in the family has led me to experience life's journey with less help from anyone...basically, my experiences are based on my own trials and errors and in time, i learned to experience life from others' point of view..and thankfully, my observation skills towards people has greatly improved over the years (or probably reading people is a skill which runs in my family...).

the reason for this entry is because, in just 2 months time few of my ex's has either gotten married or engaged and honestly speaking..i am happy for them, and i am quite happy and relieved on my end..

looking back on my relationships with them, all i can say is...we had a good time. we clicked on every level and can even talk about practically everything, and i could've been their perfect boyfriend if it wasn't for my own insecurity. the insecurity didn't stem from jealousy, but instead..from my own twisted perception on the relationships. then again, back then..i didn't know what love was..and i dont think i know what love is now, well..for quite sometime, i thought i've found love but apparently the notion itself remains vague up until this very minute. but i do care for them deeply though..

as i was saying, i was feeling insecure. i couldn't shake the feeling that they're better off with someone else better than i am, and being able to see beyond the present situation..i began to distance myself and eventually broke it off with them. yeah, i may sound like having a commitment issue..but i don't..not really i think..it's just that, knowing what'll happen next overwhelms the what could've beens.

but do i regret it? no, but i do feel guilty of not being able to explain the entire truth to them, i just couldn't tell it straight to their face that 'i've seen your future, you would someday end up with someone else better than i am'..i mean, who would believe such a thing? hehe.

that was why i beat myself up badly on my recent breakup, for once i wanted to prove myself wrong cos i thought, maybe..just maybe, if i had put in enough effort things might turn out differently..haha, yeah silly isn't it..in the end, it happened just as i've foreseen it.

haha, i'm not saying that i have the sixth sense thingy, but there are just some things, after taking into account an individual's personality and the current situation, the truth or the so-called future can be revealed :).

to the ladies who was for a brief moment a part of my life, thank you for being there. all i can say is that, you're now with someone with calibre and more successful than i could ever be and i'm happy for you ladies :). guess wat...this song is for you...

TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE - Julio Iglesias & Willie Nelson

To all the girls I've loved before
Who travelled in and out my door

I'm glad they came along

I dedicate this song

To all the girls I've loved before.

To all the girls I once caressed

And may I say I've held the best

For helping me to grow

I owe a lot I know

To all the girls I've loved before

The winds of change are always blowing

And every time I try to stay

The winds of change continue blowing

And they just carry me away.

To all the girls who shared my life,

Who now are someone else's wives

I'm glad they came along

I dedicate this song

To all the girls I've loved before.

The winds of change are always blowing

And every time I try to stay

The winds of change continue blowing

And they just carry me away.

To all the girls we've loved before

Who travelled in and out our door

We're glad they came along

We dedicate this song

To all the girls we've loved before.

To all the girls we've loved before

Who travelled in and out our door

We're glad they came along We dedicate this song

To all the girls we've loved before.

ps: hmm...just replace the 'love' to 'care' okay..i never said i love you girls throughout our relationship did i? yeah..and you girls had to get hitched within a few weeks from each other eh. was that some kind of subtle payback? hehehe. dont worry bout me, i've stopped searching and now just doing what special single guys does..having practices and fun until the person comes along..if ever...:)