the answer to (why?)...:)

as most would've noticed, i haven't been blogging as much as i have been a year ago. hard as i try to complete an entry, i would more often be left hanging with its ending..unable to complete a story. so after a long while, i finally figured the reason behind the closing block...which is, i write just for the sake of updating this blog instead of writing to express what i really feel. i lost sight of why i started this blog in the first place, which is to express my feelings and share my experiences. forcing myself to write totally defeats the initial objective.

there are several reasons (or more accurately, mistakes) to why it happened and one of the major reason is, i was trying hard to make my entries worth reading...but everytime i do, it would end up in my draft folder torn between whether it should be published or left just as it is, obviously the latter triumphed haha.

maybe i've come to realize that i do care about what other people think of what i write, and i should take into account that some (or most) of my readers are people that i know who indirectly (or directly) plays a part in my observation for writing inspirations. i failed to consider that humans can be self-centred and vain, that any resemblance of what was written may be viewed as something which concerns them even when the truth is, it doesn't..well okay, maybe one or two entries (minus the ones i wrote in regards to my unsuccessful relationship haha) and that was only because i was provoked to retaliate hahaha. but my mind works best when i don't have to worry about what other people think.

now herein where my dilemma resides, should i write as how my observation dictates or should i refrain from doing so or else face the gallows of being judged and probably criticized or ostracized for using my own experiences as a mode of inspiration? haha, what am i talking about..the obvious answer is already there! to write means having a muse, and a muse is where our inspiration presents itself. so why would one choose a writer's block over a muse right? hahaha.

this time around when inspiration dictates me to write, i will willingly do its bidding (only if i deem it fit) hahaha. so to all readers, expect more consistent entries in the future. if any of you has something against what i write, rest assured that it has nothing to do with you but everything to do with me because it is myself under scrutiny when i do post an entry. it's my life, my senses, my psyche and my experiences under the microscope. ciao peeps..:).

sometimes, answers would come from the most unexpected sources...:)

i wanna write...

there's just something about seeing your own write-up being published in any kind of print media regardless of whether you are known as the writer for the article or not.

the article could be just about anything, work related, personal opinions or just for the sake of writing and its a plus if you're acknowledged as the writer, but the acknowledgement itself isn't really a big deal. it's all about self-satisfaction of knowing people will be reading your thoughts on paper and not vanity :).

most of the time, i write articles for the establishment i work for. but, these write-ups aren't as fun as writing a piece based on what emotion, actual facts or personal opinions dictates. it's just different to pick up a pen and jot down each thoughts within a constricting framework compared to free-writing.

sometimes (well, most of the time), i am envious to those who writes better (wayyy better) than i do. just reading at how they play around with words, imagining the things they describe and trying to figure out the messages they are trying to relay are so intriguing to the point of amazement, wondering how the hell they can come up with the story or what provoked them to write something about it or etc etc. their creativity with words is something someone would love to hate (or maybe it's just me) hahaha.

i can safely say, i am not much of a writer and a lot of training for improvement is required before i can call myself good, which is why it can be really frustrating to read through my past blog entries. with loads of grammatical errors and uncreative story line, it is a wonder why i keep doing what i do and i wish i was as good as most of the writers i've come to know either personally or through their penmanship.

this entry is not so much of a complain because at the end of the day, it all comes down to writing. so regardless of whether it is writing for fun or writing for work, the gratification of completing an article or a story is beyond explanation..but i bet most of the bloggers out there already knows that :).

Owh and...pardon the handwriting haha. Cheers peeps :)...