subtle coincidence...

yeah...final closure, FINALLY!! been trying to get that for quite a long time now, but the answers are always unsatisfactory due to its insincere and selfish nature hahaha. see, confusions arise from dishonesty and being secretive. i just needed the truth to be liberated from all of this and now i have it, no more complaints.

had a short chat with the ex, and bade each other our final goodbyes before parting ways. coincidently, 'Happy Ending' by Mika was playing in my playlist...probably it was a sign, for the both of us :). Gosh, never felt so liberated before woo hoo...i still wish that we can stay together much more longer though..as was once promised, but then again...nearly all of the promises were broken (not by me for sure haha) so there's no point hanging onto empty words right? :).

well, partly the blame is on me...i should've been more understanding and less jealous, but i had my reasons to be so..and a very good one at it :).

okay, gonna leave you with the said song..i know i've posted it before, but for sentimental reason am gonna re-post it hehe...

Happy Ending - MIKA

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me,I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever moreI feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me,I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love[repeat]

I feel as if I'm wasted
And I waste everyday

This is the way you left me,I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,But not together.

ps: Thanks for everything...for always aa..

what's up? :)

i need more sleep!!! that's all i wanted to say hehe. woke up quite early today (quite? that's an understatement for someone whose hobby is sleeping!!!), say at 4.45am. needed to be at the hotel by 6.00am since there's a photoshoot going on at the club. the shoot ended pretty quick though, by 8am we're already done, which is good actually..if only my office hours starts at 8.00am!!! dang...

yeah ok..so, i had about an hour to burn, but instead of going back to the office and start working 60 minutes earlier than usual, i decided to do something else..drove to Tuaran town and got my headlight and brake light fixed, yeah and fueled up. okay replacing the bulbs cost me about RM5..which is quite unexpected..but when i fueled up, i realized that a full tank for Kancil is about RM60 (and gauge meter didn't even point to the max), wtf!! it used to be around RM40 for a full tank, the RM20 makes a lot of difference. then again, was quite glad i didn't get myself a new ride cos i've been thinking about it since early this year :).

normally, i wouldn't mind having my meals alone..but today, i felt like having a company so i called up Sabas and we had breakfast at one of the Chinese shop around. then again, another reason i looked him up was because i needed to pay him the registration fee of a direct marketing thingy i enrolled as his downline hahaha. will blog more on that someday when i have fully grasped their business mechanism hehehe.

okay...a friend asked me last night what's new with me. been quite sometime since anyone asked me that question and in a way...i was flattered, my reply was 'biasa2 jak..'. can you see the egoistical answer i gave out without giving it much thought hahaha. yeah, i was proud...what i wanted to say was 'well, life sucks..but i'm coping'. but if i were to tell him that, he would start grilling me with the details (or probably annoy me with his nonchalant attitude) and i'd rather keep things to myself than get sympathised or ignored hahaha.

so what's up with me? well...'besa2 jak lah' hahaha. but i'll be moving back with my cousin in Sepanggar (confirmed) by next week, and i won't be going out as much as i have been (not that it matters anymore :p) especially on weekdays (too far from town and the fuel hike is taking its toll hehe). no more internet-ing at nights and will be spending most of my time after work probably with badminton and the playstation (yeah..and books as well :P) haha.

life is good though...it only gets worse when you expect more from it :). deal with it realistically, let it progress naturally and everything will definitely fall into place :). another lesson learned...

ps: just got my renewed road tax after it expired in March hahaha. it was delayed cos i wanted to synchronise it with the car insurance hehehe :p...fyi, am getting a bit tired going out in big groups, right now am looking forward to hanging out with only 2 or 3 pax per group..big group gives me the headache, too much effort in trying to understand what's going on in their heads :).

good morning peeps :) hehe...

flirts and boundaries...rebounds and mistakes...

one thing sucks about breaking up is seeing your ex with another person or flirting with one. well, it only hurts when your feelings are still as strong as before...

okay, now let's talk about flirting. everybody flirts, even when you're currently attached with someone and basically, flirting is quite harmless...as long as it is within boundaries. personally, there are only two reasons as to why people flirt...to be at ease with that person without any ulterior motives or to gain something in return, either a relationship or just plain sex with no strings attached.

for the lonely bastards (including myself), flirting is a process of getting into a relationship..the first step of getting to know the person we're interested with. but for most of those people out there who already has someone with them, flirting is all about getting their rocks off! damn f***ers :).

there are ways to detect if your current partner is flirting with someone else, and it varies according to how well you know them. sometimes it could be the look in their eyes, their gestures, speech and mostly...their actions. there's no point to further elaborate on this, anyone can sense it themselves and the hunches are always on the dot.

but does flirting constitute to cheating? not exactly..as long as no physical contacts (sex or tongue wriggling hehe) are involved, the cheating element does not exist. so okay, is it still advisable to flirt around when these contacts doesn't apply? my opinion, no. personally i think when someone even considers of flirting around, the chances of cheating or being cheated is there, and that's one thing i dont understand..how can a person even think of flirting around or scouting for a ONS (one night stands) when they're currently attached.

when i was in my recent relationship (which totally failed), i couldn't think of anyone else to be (or do it) with but that one person only, never once did i cross the boundary..hey, come to think of it, i didn't even flirt with anyone at all... see, i am strange, i dont think i can get it up with anyone random hahahaha. was going to talk about open relationships, but it is obvious what my stand would be right? :). my motto was, don't do what you dont want your partner to do, in that way..you have every reason to be mad when he/she does what you didn't do :).

we get to be very vulnerable after every break up, and some people would even try to take advantage of your situation. but they can't be blamed, to them..this may be the only time they can show their sincerity to form a relationship with you, which is always touching. and sometimes, we fell for it probably because of being blinded by the need to love and be loved in return. but as your heart heals, you realised a mistake has been made...yeah, you may have feelings towards your current spouse, but you also know that there's someone out there whom you're totally in love with, but there's nothing you can do..well there is, you just don't know how to go about it..you're just so indebted with what the person has done you would rather settle for what is (right now) than what could've been, and you bet on your chance thinking that what you feel for that one special person will pass like your other flings..but what if it doesn't. would you regret not acting on what should've been? (like i'm the one to talk hahaha) :).

anyhow, had my own share of experience in this (strangely enough, i got calls, text messages and approaches as if knowing i just broke up haha) ...i never felt so hurt before and all i needed was to have someone to be with me irregardless of who they are or what they look like (yeah, i was dead desperate hehehe). i knew where my desperation was leading to, and if it wasn't for that advice from my so called big bro, i would be in a rebound-relationship by now. good thing i wasn't, cos i know i would totally regret it :).

dont worry peeps, am not pissed off or melancholic, just needed to get some stuff off my chest...one piece of advice though..always trust your instincts when something doesn't smell right :).

ps: man..i dont like what i'm seeing, you're doing it again hahahaha. oohh, my right knee is bruised..have no idea how it happened. damn it :)...stop it boy, you're rambling again..dont be a gidiot for everybody's sake (err..ok kah tu Yo/Mel, gitu kah mau eja gidiot tu? hehehe)

ciao peeps :P...

outrageous?....haha

darkness...a yet to be known matter which exists in either realms...physically or spiritually. there's darkness at night, darkness in the unknown, darkness in the unfathomable and darkness within everybody, which no one are willing to accept.

you see the smiling faces, hear the laughters of everyone around and you are tempted to have and experience the same things..and you succeed, but deep down you know it will only be temporary because someday you will realize that this was not exactly what you wanted or until they found out the truth of the man behind the facade...probably they already do, it is just a matter of time...

thats one thing about humans that we have to understand, people are just not to be trusted...they may be fun to be with for a while, but after sometime..when they finally uncover the masquerade, we might wish that we have never known them in the first place..sad isn't it..bear in mind, people change..sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worse..

mouthing off at other people is another side humans are quite skilled at...every imperfection or anything which doesn't suit or appear nice becomes their target of criticism or mockery, their justification for doing so; they think they're better than them or better yet, they were born in perfection. physically, they are...but somehow rather, they always lack that certain something which makes them..perfect. we humans are not perfect, so don't go around talking about anyone else's imperfection when we ourselves has lots to improve. do that only when you're certain you have nothing to apologize for.

what separates the people from being humans? nothing, but not everyone gets that. from the inside, we are all the same..so why does racial prejudice has to exist? why can't humans respect one another without bias and bigotry? why can't people accept everyone for who they are. we may have heard of the illegal immigrants around, and we think and speak ill of them..but doesn't anyone see, they're humans as well..

and what's this about caste, ranks, class etc etc? what makes them better than the rest of the people? just because they have more money and influence doesn't make them any less human, but if they think they're better than the rest because of that...then maybe, everyone should live in poverty...

as i was saying, there is darkness in everyone..yet at the same time, there is light as well. this is the light which guides our conscience, the very thing which brings us up whenever we are down. no matter how lost or rotten a person is, their light is still there...calling out for help, it's just that the darkness is so overwhelming the light couldn't shine through. hey, we were born with the light, that's why our innocence as babies exudes greatly. but with any light, there are bound to be shadows, creating the darkness from within, and as the years pass by...the light grows dim and darkness envelopes, but not entirely as the light struggles to flare hoping someday it will burn bright as it was before when we first came into this world.

what i'm trying to say is, there is kindness in everyone...for some, we just need to look a little bit harder to see them...people just wants to be understood, to love and be loved in return....

ps: yeah, what crap....people are just scums who doesnt know shit about anything...hahaha

Thanks peeps :)...

didn't really do much on my birthday and even tried hard concealing the date. i dunno know why, birthdays were never fun (or any other special occasions :P). strange isn't it :). then again, my actual birthday shouldn't be the date i was born, simply because i was 3 weeks premature (i think thats what my mom told me) hahaha..so my birthday should be on August 20th instead (either way, i would still be a Leo hehe).

now, a little bit about us Leonians hehe:

When you are feeling upbeat, you carry people away with your energy, and they love you for it. You love sharing your joys and successes with the people you love, and when you do, you are magnanimous — you never give a thought to getting anything in return. There are few star signs who really understand the nature of giving, but Leo seems to have perfected the art.

(hmm..doesn't sound like me at all haha)

You also have a great sense of timing. When you offer a friendly word or gesture of encouragement, you pick the exact moment when it will have greatest impact. You always seem to be in the right place at the right time. You’re lucky this way.

(not me as well....)

Loyalty is your trademark. People know you are a genuine friend who is always ready to lend a hand. Even if you can’t help someone with their specific problem, you still manage to send out a warm and reassuring vibration that makes them feel better.

(yet to be proven la la la :))

You are a born leader: people naturally gravitate to you, and look to you for guidance and security. This is especially true if you are born in the very first part of Leo - that is you're born between 24th July and 3rd August. At times you can seem a hard taskmaster, demanding excellence from them — this is just a reflection of your own actions, your own approach, but keep an eye out for it, and keep it under control.

(obviously not!!)

Generally you have a pioneering spirit; this is connected to your desire to be the best. So while you could be quite happy with a life where you follow other people’s rules and regulations, mostly you’ll much prefer to blaze your own trail.

(think this much is true :P)

This means you will carve out your own niche and make a name for yourself. You’ll shine in almost everything you do, and will without a doubt make your mark in the world — you can reach the top of the ladder, no matter what field you choose.

(really aaa...a bit doubtful..)

Sounds good doesn't it..now, the readings for us metal monkeys (chinese horoscope) hehehe :):

People born in the year of the Monkey are: Quick witted, genius, curious, excellent strategist, mischievous, wonderfully funny, irresistible and troublesome. Critical, deceitful, manipulative, vain, selfish, jealous type inclined to stay footloose and fancy free. Yields to temptation. (the bold ones fairly describe my traits:)

now, this is the explanation for my personality during my birth based on the changes of the moon in that period hehehe:

MOON IN ARIES

Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac. If this is your Moon Sign your personality is likely to be spontaneous and excitable. You are also militantly hostile in your expression of anger. You may be prone to periods of ire and irritation. You are very self-reliant. You want to have everything your way, and refuse to be pushed around by anyone. You are self-disciplined, and refuse to have others impose discipline on you. People either like you or hate you because of your impulsive behavior. You like taking charge, and will likely end up in a position of authority in your career. You are a natural leader. You set the pace and terms for yourself, and will choose your own vocation (regardless of advice from friends and relatives). The relationship between you and your parents may be difficult. There is a lack of both sympathy, and communication there. Your actions are considered to be impulsive and unexpected by others who are watching you. The Moon in Aries is a good sign if you enjoy original plans, adventures, independence and military life. You may be attracted to the study of the occult, or mysticism. You like to keep secrets, and that drives some of your friends crazy. (now, the bolded ones are very accurate hahaha)

wanted to post this awhile back but i waited until the wishing period was over hahaha. anyhow, a big thank you to these people for the birthday wishes (in chronological order), surprised i remember? of course i do, i'm keeping tabs from now onwards hahaha:

1. Mamai

2.Mesh

3. Wel

4. Inden (Friendster blogger)

5. Kupi
6. Lizzie (non-blogger)

7. Leeanne M (non-blogger)

8. Tesz (Friendster blogger)

9. Ting (non- blogger)

10. Callixtus or Tom (Friendsters blogger)

11. Anabel (non-blogger)

12. Manpreet (non-blogger)

13. Latricia (non-blogger)

14. Peggie M (non-blogger)

15. Ivy H (non-blogger)

16. Miwa N (non-blogger)
17. ARTeo

18. Gdong

19. Bethanie S (non-blogger)

20. Cheryl E (non-blogger)

21. Jr

ciao peeps :)

past midnight rambling...

am tired of having these thoughts, but it will pass, hopefully and most probably soon. closure has finally descended, thanks for finally sharing the truth..without it, i would still be left high and dry..apparently, from what i can gather, the relationship has ended a long time ago, past the point of no return when the other party refuses to try and make things work.

that's one thing about truth and honesty. no matter how bad is it, we still can accept it..cos we have to. i dunno about anyone else...i needed the truth to know where i went wrong so i wouldn't have to keep wondering what happened and also to learn from it..:).

ps: obsessed with my own feelings to the point of freaking the other party out? hahaha, funny..well, if being in love means not being able to express it, then i would rather not feel anything at all. from this point onwards, i'll be looking at 'no strings attached' kinda relationships..fair enough right, besides, am single now, i have the rights to do so (if i wanna) hahaha. owh..and one more thing, no more pathetic entries like this in the future (but there will still be my moments of depression and gloom hehe). this is where my sappy personal experiences ends :)...

goodnight peeps :)

Youtube vs VideoJug...

step aside youtube, nerds and geeks like us have only one thing we value the most...knowledge :). yeah, you heard me right, so for those of you who are not interested in expanding your current knowledge..this entry may seem like a bore to you hehe.

as i was browsing through the net (as usual) and youtubing, i realized one thing about all these online video providers, most of them are not what we may call as informative...well, it is fun to watch, but as you can see...it lacks intelligence (hahaha).

i received an email informing me of a cool website which i might find interesting. didn't think much about it as i thought it was one of those lame or indecent websites. hey, dont blame me for having that thought, it has a weird name for an informative site!. what would you think if someone suddenly asked you to check out a site called VideoJug? anyway, my curiosity got the better of me and eventually logged into the website (what can i say, sometimes my curiosities are just insatiable hehe).

Apparently, VideoJug is the world's most popular video learning site. What they do is to provide straightforward, helpful and informative videos on anything and everything in life- from bite sized 'How-to' films to expert advice on a huge range of topics, all for free.

i lost you there didn't i? hehehe. okay..what i meant was, this place is where you can find tips on how to do stuff through visual presentations with clear and slow step-by-step instructions . the logic is simple..we learn easily by watching other people do it, and it helps a lot when we are guided through the process..come on peeps, monkey see, monkey do!! haha.

the first thing which attracted me was the tips and pointers on 'How To Improve your Power Point Presentations'. yeah, okay..maybe i lied a bit in my resume when i said i was good in this program (at least i didn't say i was an expert hehe), but after watching the presentation, i wished i had seen it earlier before submitting my boss's slides presentation to our Corporate Office (darn it..) :).

most of the videos are somewhat trivial and funny, but informative nonetheless. there are several categories to browse from and none are disappointing to say the least hehe. did you know there's an easy way of folding t-shirts?

anyhow, one thing for sure though...i may be off from watching youtube for the time being and will concentrate more on this site. just thinking about it gives me the goosebumps hahaha (see...told ya i'm a nerd hehehe).

ciao peeps :).

ps: am serious peeps, you should check out this site. who knows..it might come in handy someday :)..