sleepless nights solution...

i'm starting to believe that a well rested sleep is a privilege given to the lucky few (or many, depending on the demographic haha), the privileged few of whom i'm not a part of hahaha.

sleeping have been quite a task for me, ok..not sleeping per se, but sleeping early to get the minimum 6 hours of rest. after a sweeping self diagnosis, i couldn't find anything which could explain the inablility to tap into the REM state like what everyone else are doing. i tried googling the causes for my sleep deprivation but no conclusive reason came up of which may explain the cause of it, besides..some of the symptoms doesn't really tally with what i'm experiencing hahaha.

Put it this way, have you ever been extremely tired/ sleepy and eventually fell asleep..but instead of going into dreamland, you seem to be fully aware of your surrounding. every sound you hear registers in your brain and by the time you wake up, you've been sleeping for 5 hours but it feels like you've been sleeping for less than 1 hour! or when you do close your eyes and about to doze off, a sudden random sound suddenly appears out of nowhere but instead of being woken up by the sound, you wake up due to a bright light your brain conjures to describe the noise. or better yet, you suddenly hear someone calling out to you but only in that instant.

and when i do fall asleep, i seem to get this weird dreams...some scary, some quite worrisome and dreams which feels like i literally took part in, leaving me exhausted the next day as if i've only had an hour of sleep instead of the actual 6-8 hours :).

you may think that i'm stressed, but truthfully i'm far from being bothered with my daily routines, i do have a high tolerance when it comes to stress anyways haha.

Having been a late sleeper for quite a time now, i decided to do something about it...no, i'm not taking any prescription drugs to deal with the problem but instead, i've taken up a part time job which requires me working from 8.30pm-11.30pm (or later)..., yeah news flash..I HAVE A PART TIME JOB! hahahaha.

now, there are pros and cons with taking up this part time job. so i'll start with the cons first.

CONS
a) i won't be having any quality lone time as much as i want to
b) i won't be out drinking quite as often (well, haven't been doing that for quite awhile anyway haha)
c) i won't be able to hang out with my buddies without prior arrangement hahaha
d) etc etc etc hahaha

PROS
a) i will be paid for staying up late doing an easy task
b) savings will be a lot easier
c) now i can use this excuse to 'politely' decline an invitation to hang out with people hahaha
d) it'll take my mind off from my day time job hahaha

so, what exactly does this part time job requires me to do? easy, just proof reading the articles before they are sent out for final printing. as you guessed, i'm now affiliated with one of the local dailies here and frankly, i'm having fun hahaha.

my only consolation....food hahaha

the denominations of faith...

I'm not a religious person and i don't go to church unless there's a special celebration going on (i.e Christmas or Easter haha). it's not that i don't want to, but i feel unworthy to step into His holy place because of the things i've done. Only until my burden of guilt has been lifted, then maybe i would start going every week. But if i do go to church, it wouldn't be for the sermons. the songs can easily put me at ease rather than listening to the priest preach...so that only goes to show what kind of Christian i am haha. just because i don't go praying every week doesn't mean i don't have any faith, because i do and no one can take Him away from me :).

For some people, i may be seen as a bad Christian for not doing my weekly responsibility..the heck, i don't really care what other people thinks. I have nothing against Christianity, but i do have something against the institutions which makes up the different denominations there are for the contradicting opinions on how the Bible should be interpreted. i mean, it's bad enough that nearly all religions are claiming the ultimate rights to be the one and only true way to God's promised kingdom that we still have to fight amongst ourselves, the Christians, to claim the right to be the one and only chosen denomination.

maybe it's not my place to argue about this, i just feel like sharing my two cents worth (which is quite worthless in a literal sense haha) on this topic. i may not be religious, but i've read the bible cover to cover on numerous occasions and there isn't one single paragraph which mentions anything about denominations...so it's quite sad to know that these differences existed only because of some pompous guys who claimed or thought they were chosen to be His shepherd. my deepest apologies if i have offended anyone, but it would really be appreciated to have an open mind when reading this entry.

i've been listening to gospel songs quite a lot nowadays, maybe it's a sign for me to start being a practicing Christian haha. As i listened to the songs, a realization which has been buried for more than a decade resurfaced; why do we need several denominations (or religions for that matter)? Put aside the difference of opinions, it doesn't change the fact that we believe in the One and Only Creator of all things. so then, why can't all of us work towards the same goal?

Speaking of religion and God, there is one thing (among others haha) which can easily piss me off. i somehow hate it when people blames Him for all the shit they're going through and when they are doing really well, they somehow conveniently forget that He exists...a real shame.

Then again, we are only humans who are constantly on trial...not to mention confused. so if you're not sure on where you stand or what to do, just try not to think too much about it. instead, do the basic thing on what He would've wanted us to do, which is to have faith.

Our God is a jealous God, and yet at the same time very forgiving for His love knows no boundaries.

darn it...i'm rambling again aren't i? hahaha. it's already 1.41am and the grogginess from the lack of sleep is killing me hahaha. Goodnite and ciao peeps :).

i believe...

some of you may disagree with this entry and some may ignore it completely because this write up will be referring to all humans in general.

i'm not sure how many of us can recall our experiences of what we see or hear when we were still toddlers, where life was all too simple and we get easily amused even with the smallest things. i believe we must've been laughing out of excitement when we first took our first step of being able to walk or run with our own two feet. so excited we are that we exhausted ourselves perfecting the baby steps and trying so hard to be like the adults we look so highly upon. And it helps when the adults or the parents expressed their proudness by giving encouraging words or gestures over and over again making us believe that we are doing one hell of a task!

herein my point resides, we need people to believe in us in order to become someone great. but the act of believing works both ways, we need 'to be believed' and 'to believe' by and to someone or something..and this is where i say all humans are weak and strong at the same time.

let's put religion under the microscope as our subject of discussion. for centuries, we homosapiens has placed our belief/s to a one unseen being/s. We have been practicing and refining the art of believing up to the point of finally having several systems of religious constructs, from a lowly believer to the esteemed appointed by the people (or some may claim by God) religious leader/s.

the need to believe in the all seeing being can be easily explained by several factors where nurture and nature plays a big role in molding a person's belief. most of us are stuck with a religion because we were born in it and raised to embrace it and after years of believing what seems to be the ultimate faith, it would be difficult to turn our heads and ignore the divine existence or else be doomed to suffer in the fiery pit of hell for all eternity.

And yet, logic and rationality is against our beliefs, dictating the possibilities of His existence is next to zero, but still, we hung on to the hope that maybe..despite what our God given logic and rationality tells us, He may actually exist and would one day re-appear to save the souls of his believers and to lead those who are lost back to the right path.

We put our faith to something or someone for strength. we need to believe in something in order for us to achieve great things or to guide us to the path we desire. but most of all, we need it as proof of our own existence...that we are alive and living (although remotely) and that we are actually cared for (although it's only the mind saying it).

Geez, i have no idea what i'm rambling here....a sudden burst of idiotic inspiration out of nowhere. but hey, it's better than nothing right? hahaha.

Anyhow, enjoy the video (or rather song) people :).

a gush of contentment...

i just have to say this....for the past couple of days (or weeks, i'm not too sure when it happened haha) i've been feeling very contented. it could've been because of all the public holidays we've been having here but that fact itself isn't really convincing as to how my contentment arose. yeah, the outings and hangout sessions played a part in the change but not so much as the main reason. apparently, in between the holidays, work and weekend drinking binges, i've been contemplating and analyzing my own life without even realizing it...

after weeks of subconscious contemplation, it finally hit me that i've finally let go. i mean, for two years i held on to that hope of being with that special someone..probably a chance to be together again, but it only took me a few minutes to understand the full concept of 'some things are just not meant to be'. i keep telling people the same exact phrase without actually believing in it..maybe after saying it so many times i've begun to believe it myself. despite being a sore 'dumpee' (yeah, i got dumped haha), i never held any grudges...in fact, i prayed that the both of us would be happy either single or with someone else and it seems that we are happy, though i'm still single since then hahaha.

hanging out with happy couples helped a lot in coming to terms with the realization. looking at them being all warm and happy towards each other made me wanting to have something similar...yeah, i am envious but i believe my chance will come, only time will tell. then again, i'm not really in a hurry to be in a relationship :).

speaking of relationships...something tells me that i have commitment issues. it's not exactly new to me, in fact i kind of have known about it for quite sometime now. probably my inability to fully trust someone or the fear of getting disappointed has something to do with it hahaha...maybe i'll go deeper into this someday after i've figured it out hahaha. so for the time being, i'll learn my lessons from other peoples' experiences and point of views, which means i'll be doing something i'm really good at...observing haha.

geez, writing all these down feels good...wonder why i have been skipping it( i meant blogging) all this while? hahaha...

Ciao peeps...

Weekly Report- 4th Week of Feb :p

25th February 2010
Location: Loft, Waterfront
Stressed out from work and needed to relax, decided to have a drink with the Gidiots along with theirs truly. it was fun, then again...fun is expected when the gidiots are around hahaha

Lesson: good friends are really hard to find, and its hard to let go when they are found :)

26th February 2010
Location: Le Rendez-Vous Wine Cigar and Karaoke Bar

It was a public holiday and i could've spent my time at home watching my online animes but instead, had to work from evening till midnight. Then again, it was an event i organized so i had to be there..but what i didn't like was being the emcee. i'm just no good with spontaneous emceeing hahaha. What event was it? the 2nd Open-Mic themed 'Acoustics' Nite. Turn out was great, better than the first and this time with more participation. all i can say is that, they were great performers to the point they took my mind off on how much i disliked emceeing :p.

Lesson: if you have the talent, do not be afraid to show it...:)

27th February 2010
Location: Lembah Impian

i don't quite remember why i started blogging in the first place. i could read through my initial postings from my first blog and find out but unfortunately i've deleted it due reasons not worth remembering hahaha. anyhow, i do recall needing an outlet to express my thoughts in written form which doesn't require any paper filings :p.

one thing led to another, from needing an outlet for my chaotic mind to blog hopping for inspirations, i soon found myself in a network of bloggers. it wasn't surprising though, things are bound to change just like life...nothing remains the same because overtime each one of us will have to face a new phase in life. whether it's going to be good or bad, no one really knows. all we can do is suck it in, cherish the experiences, learn from the lessons and hope that things will always turn out for the better and if it doesn't happen today, pray that it'll happen tomorrow or the next day or just keep praying until it really happens...but, that's what an optimist would say. a realist like me would say something like; 'you can't go anywhere unless you work to make it happen...idiots!' muahahaha :p. speaking of work, i was supposed to be working on this same night but decided otherwise, good thing my colleague was around to fill me in hahaha.

yeah ok, i got side-tracked there for a bit hahaha. anyhow, the soon to be Mr. & Mrs. Gallivanter (in respect to the blogging spirit... besides, it sounds waaay cooler than saying MM Gomez hahaha) organized a simple bloggers gathering at Lembah Impian. Despite coming in late, i had fun nonetheless although my inferiority complex (what? i wanted to say 'shy' bah haha) hindered my inhibitions to mingle around muahahaha (yeah i know, excuses excuses hahaha). then again, i needed this kinda outing to let myself loose once in a while and get the much needed inspirations :).

the fun didn't end there though, it was adjourned to D'Junction and coming from someone who isn't really into the clubbing scene, i had a blast only because everyone was a sport and having the soon to be Mr. & Mrs Hawding (guys, that's the best blogger couple's name i can think of haha)- the crazy couples kept me entertained up until we decided to leave hahaha.

Lesson:
1. Inspirations are abundant, you just need to get out more to find it...(says something about my blogging progress as of late doesn't it? hahaha)

2. Crazy creative people are the coolest, mingle around with them and their creative mind will rub off on you hahahahaha..kidding :p

Cheers peeps..till next time :)

what i did...

February 5th, 2010

met up with a friend whom i haven't seen for more than a decade at Jesselton Point and proceeded to have a good drink with the gidiots and even sang our hearts out at one of the newly opened karaoke bar at the waterfront.

i don't socialize that much, except with the people i feel comfortable with. being a sarcastic and care-less kind of guy it is quite difficult to actually hang on to a particular group. the strange thing is, i really don't mind and i can't be bothered with the need to be surrounded by people although human behaviour still intrigues me :).

i mean, i have my own world to crawl into whenever i feel bored, a world which consists of books, imaginations, movies, cartoons, animes and definitely the internet...and in this world, i'm in control hahaha.

yeah i know it's pathetic, but there's a reason to it. trusting people isn't really my strong attribute and i do question other people's good deeds towards me hahaha.

but that's just life, everyone lead their lives differently than the others. some of it are motivated by their past and some are trying to accomodate their present which may well turn into a past which could affect the future :).

February 16th, 2010

went out with a bunch of people to 'Rumba', a fun pub in town. i'm not really into the clubbing scene, but since i was dead bored that day i decided to just join them. the place was noisy (and i don't do well with noisy and dark places haha), it would've been better if i could drink more to drown out the distractions but since the next day is a working day, it was only appropriate for me to drink moderately to avoid the hangover. my decision to join them to this joint was for naught, apparently..i learned something valuable from this night.

Lesson 1: after looking at the newly engaged couple letting go and dancing like there is no tomorrow, i realized that when you're in good company of great people or with someone you really care about or comfortable with, there's no reason to hold back. i mean, there are times when we need to let go and let loose, just be crazy and live in the moment even for a little while. i was envious looking at the couple for doing just that but entertained nonetheless. maybe there is some truth to it when they say that life is about living the moment.

Lesson2: love is something that should never be underestimated. It is the one thing that everyone seeks and something that i couldn't understand. but this night, it felt good to just watch the couple being all lovey dovey during their dance and both of them seemed like they were made for each other haha. there and then, i decided to let go of the past and start afresh because everyone deserves to love and be loved in return :).

Lesson 3: Lessons sometimes comes in the most unexpected situations...

anyway, i'm leaving you guys a preview of a movie i'm dying to watch...loved the cartoon version and hopefully the movie version is as good as the series! :)

ps: yeah i know, i'm a childish geek :p

the universal word...

in the past couple of days, the news of Church arsonings took the limelight. for most, it was easy to blame the so called 'religious extremists' as the perpetrators but i on the other refuses to be a part of the majority unless proven otherwise simply for the simplest reasons which would be explained later in this entry.

seven Churches were arsoned and the root of the unfortunate incidents stemmed from a specific word which sparked the outrage of the few religious communities. i mean, all these could've been avoided should everyone remained level headed and use a bit of their rationality in dealing with the situation...but apparently, for the perpetrators, succumbing to their raging primal instinct was the better solution compared to using a tiny portion of their God given mind.

but what irked me the most was the fact that these so-called religious people who seemingly acted to fight for religion weren't exactly fighting for what they believe in, they were just puppets influenced by certain political leaders for political mileage proving over and over again the nation's political status-quo hasn't changed much since its inception...sad but true...then again, these group of people isn't to be entirely blamed for it, the other party which was the cause of all these rucous should be blamed as well. in short, both sides are to be blamed...

there isn't much for me to say about what had happened, all i want to say is that throughout my adolescent years of being surrounded by Muslim friends and families, i came to love the religion as much as i love mine. i remember a time when i was 15 years old, my friends and i would be discussing religion, exchanging what we understood from our own beliefs and respecting each other's opinion on the basis of the similarities between our different yet similar religions. maybe that's what everyone should be focusing on, the common grounds rather than the differences because at the end of the day, wether we want to admit it or not, we are servants and children of the same Almighty being.

and i stand corrected that, religion is not to be blamed here but the people who misinterprets and taking its meaning literally..the culprits who think they truly understand the word of God when in fact they're still at loss to what the Almighty really wants them (us) to do, a confused group just like the rest of the population. then again, we are only humans. if only there was a nation which is focused on understanding what religion really is, a nation where differences really doesn't matter...i bet, if all religious leaders gather together and compare notes, 90% of the world's problem would be solved.

i shouldn't be saying more, a few readings from these sites would be more worthwhile...

From the pages of Marina Mahathir (gotta love this woman!):
a) http://rantingsbymm.blogspot.com/2010/01/confident-people-do-not-get-confused.html
b) http://rantingsbymm.blogspot.com/2010/01/building-peace-and-building-bridges.html

From the pages of Dr. Rafick:
http://rights2write.wordpress.com/2010/01/12/malaysian-cares/
**(i'm no 67 in the list :p)

The petition:
http://www.petitiononline.com/Msia0801/petition.html

More readings:
a) http://thenutgraph.com/allah-can-be-discussed-calmly
b) http://www.themodernreligion.com/prophet/prophet-rao.html
c) http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/malaysia/49330-dont-tell-us-how-to-pray-borneo-states-say-

(very) debatable entries:
http://thoughtsintangents.blogspot.com/

open up your eyes everyone, we are all the same in God's eyes...mortals with confused souls...ciao.