my last entry...for the week??

i'll be leaving to Manila today for my long awaited holiday. just as the island trip i went to recently, my excitement level for this trip is more or less the same..which is zero to nothing hahaha. frankly, the only reason i joined for this trip is for the sights and sounds, the culture and the environment but the rest of the group only has one thing in their mind...clubbing..geez..i think i'm getting a bit too old for the clubbing scene hahaha. the fact that i wont be joining them in their clubbing frenzy made me think of other plans so after asking around, i've finally decided to spend most of time in the cinema catching up with the movies i wasn't able to see..preferably alone :). yeah, come to think of it..i might be able to maximize my holiday experience by doing stuff alone as it would enable me to do stuff at my own time and pace.

anyway, didn't really sleep well last night...my mind was too busy thinking about random and irrelevant stuff, and in the end..my mind drifted to death hahaha. the questions of what ifs suddenly popped into mind and i wasnt able to shake the thought of it hehe.

well, death itself didn't scare me the least..but the thought of not being able to do the things that you were supposed or wanted to do bugged me a lot. i thought of if the plane suddenly crashed or if i became a victim of terrorism in a foreign country..what would i have regretted the most..hmmm, only 1 answer came up. my only regret would be..not having told the person i ever cared about how much i love that person (yeah...going into sappy mode now hahaha) and i would regret not seeing or spend time with that person before my sudden death hahaha (okay, sappy mode off) hehe. man...i really need to give my mind a break hahaha.

guess wat..am still not packed yet..i dont wanna go but i know i should. maybe a long holiday is exactly what i needed after everything that has happened. life still sucks, but i'm gonna do the best i can to make living worthwhile.

ciao peeps...

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder...

The moment i woke up this morning, i had this song playing in mind, i have no idea why but it kept playing in my head even after waking up from sleeping for the second time haha. i've always loved this song, it's so touching, sincere and very endearing.

Beautiful in my eyes - Joshua Kadison

You’re my piece of mind,
in this crazy world
You’re every thing I've tried to find
Your love is a pearl
You’re my Mona Lisa
You’re my rainbow skies
And my only prayer
is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

The world will turn
And the seasons will change
And all the lessons we will learn
Will be beautiful and strange
We'll have our fell of tears
Our share of sight
My only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

You will always be beautiful in my eyes
And the passing is the show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes

And there are lines upon my face
From a life time of smiles
When the time comes to embrace
For one long last wine
We can laugh about how time really flies
We won’t say goodbye
‘Cause true love never dies
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

You will always be beautiful in my eyes
And the passing is the show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes

The passing is the show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes...

Maybe i should rethink my own situation and revamp my entire mindset, the short time spent with my so called friends and relatives last night has made me realize few things about myself. I realized that i can be a fun guy to be with if i wanted to, i realized that love exists not only in relationships but also in friendships. doing stuff for other people can sometimes be more rewarding and gratifying than being constantly self centered and selfish, and lastly..if i were to change anything, i should start by changing myself :). easier said than done huh, well...i'll never know unless i try right :).

anyways, will be heading to work soon after posting this entry..damn it, i hate working on a Sunday hahaha.

ciao peeps...

of Sol and Luna, the real me?..

tonight shall be another full moon, well..not exactly a full moon but 96% full. did you know that more babies are born during full moon, some believe more accidents would happen at this time around and some people associate the full moon to erratic behaviours. yeah...nice.

I remember growing up loving the Sun more than the Moon. i loved feeling being embraced by the life giving heat and ray of the sun, the bright surrounding everywhere i look. it made me felt safe, alive and most of all..i can play around with a clear view of everything. i didn't really love the night time, but i've always been impressed with the night sky, especially during a full moon and i could spend hours just looking at the diamonds in the sky (which is only visible when there were blackouts or if i was in my dad's hometown in Ranau). In a way, i grew up loving the celestials, but i wasn't the only one. my cousin and i would sometimes stay up late at night and talk about personal stuff, religion, philosophy, astronomy, future, possibilites and most of all...the subject of the forbidden art or magic haha. but we'll get into that some other time..

i started loving the silvery full moon after realizing i was a depressed self centred lonely bastard..if the sun was my source of life and courage, than the moon is my source of energy and wisdom..that's how i look into these two aspects of my intrapersonal being. but in time..i seem to drift away further from the sun and started spending most of my time basking in the silver ray.

taking a walk in the middle of the night became a nightly routine, the long lonely walk was a breath of fresh air and everything seems to be still at night. there were less people walking around, less noise and less disturbance..exactly how i loved it :). i didn't care about the dangers, i felt overtly invincible and nothing and no one can harm me. i continued doing it without coming to any harm :). during these long walks did i realize that human sucks..being human sucks, and getting rid of yourself from any emotional bind was just the way to go..and i was right. i led a stress free selfish life from then onwards but not without a price. i couldn't control my anger and i would be pissed off at any little things..

yeah..i was invincible in every possible way, but one thing i failed to see was the consequences if i were to let down the invincibilty shield and be downright human..suffice to say, it sucked big time!! well, that was the past, this time..i've learned from it and solidified the invincibility twice the strength hahaha...

anyways, am not sure why i'm doing this entry...probably this is my way of telling 'i am still human irregardless of my bastardly ways?!!' haha. well, the hell with it...i have my mood swings, come to think of it i may be a manic depressive, who knows hahaha.

in your face peeps :)...gomenasai, just felt like letting off some steam :)

incoherent ramblings...continued...

hiding behind the person who we really are can sometimes suck big time. the pretense of living the life of what other people might admire or living a life of what other people expect of us or what they wanna see can really take a toll on our life..

i know i've posted something like this in my previous entry, but i'm still not through with it :). it's still intriguing to wonder why people can't act, say or do what they want and just be themselves. sometimes, looking at those who dares to be themselves, those who doesnt give a rat's ass about what other people think can be annoyingly envious, and these people in my opinion are the happiest people in our damned population.

but then again, those who couldn't afford to be themselves should be given the hats off as well...it's not easy to be someone else for the sake of others and in some cases, just looking at them trying hard to retain their superficial identity can be quite heartrending.

look around you, look closely at your friends and family, and you're bound to notice that at least one of them are tough in the exterior for God knows why. there might be several reasons to it, probably the tough exterior serves as an armor or padding to the pain they are or will be experiencing..probably they're just afraid to succumb to their own emotions based on past experiences or they are probably born with low self esteem...

but how long can a person put up a facade, what would the impact be if they were to submit themselves to what they're afraid of? i bet if they did finally submit to their own self and things doesn't work out as what they expect to be, the hurt and pain would be magnified by many folds...

being human sucks..big time...

before i leave, i let you people ponder on these questions: what or who are we really afraid of? are we afraid of ourselves or what other people might think? are we willing to let go of what is dear to us for the sake of other people?

goodnight peeps...

Tuesday ad humor...

This print advert is real!! A friend from Dubai e-mailed this scanned portion of job ad last Saturday (i would be very much interested to apply if it wasn't in Dubai :)). geeezzz, why can't we be more creative and daring like these people are...anyway, just an actual humor on this Tuesday morning :)

ps: don't miss the fine print on the right hand side hehe...

buenos dias pueblo!! :)

Something Positive

another one of my favorite past times aside from blog hopping, watching online video and net surfing for irrelevant and random stuff is reading online comics. but as of since 6 years ago, i've been an avid avid reader these two comics: Something Positive and Jack. well, there are other comics that i read through as well, but these two has always been my all time favorites.

Reading Something Positive hasn't been a waste. it has taught me more about wit and sarcasm more than anything and after years of being a fan and practicing it myself, i can finally consider myself as being one of the most despicable guy around hehe, the hell with what they think cos one thing i know from the comic is that...f*** everyone, what matters is what i want and what i like hehehe. but honestly, the only reason i like reading it is because of how they portray the harsh realities of life in humor :).

anyway, if any of you likes this kind of humor, please do click on this link and have fun reading hehehe :)

Spanish lesson 1 (as motivated by Ramesh :))...

hoy es uno de las mas latosa dia nunca. yo no puedo creo de lo que arreglar excepto navegacion por la red, patetico no? :). yo podria mando cerca ciudad pero el estado muy abrasador defuera, de verdad yo decidida con espera casa.

revuelto segun mi entrada este edad? lo siento, culpa Ramesh por de salida los tendencia hehe :P. de cualqier modo esta es de divertido hehe. quien sabe, podemos nos mejorar en esto languaje. debe sermos corte esta con frecuencia, bien mesh? hehe.

aww man...i really do need to get a life. i'm having a major headache just by coming up with these short Spanish sentences hahaha. pardon the grammar and everything..i'm just a novice :p.

hasta luego pueblo :)