the Q&A...

"aren't you sad that you'll be flying off?", a sudden question broke the silence...

"huh?"

"aren't you sad that you'll be leaving your friends and family?"

"no, why should i?", it's not like i'll be dying anytime soon (not that i would know) i thought to myself...

"so, when are you doing your farewell?"

"what farewell?", aaahhh...finally the question came out. geez..can't anyone come up with anything subtle like, 'hey, let's have lunch/dinner and just hang out',.if they had addressed it this way i would've said 'let's go' in an instant..

as in my previous post, my profession will bring me to Putrajaya on this Sunday, 12th September 2010 and honestly, i dread the totally all new environment. okay, not exactly dreading it, it's a mixture of both excitement and nervousness and whenever i think about my new place, i have butterflies in my stomache hahaha.

but in my opinion, moving to another state doesn't constitute for a farewell party or anything remotely close to implying that i won't be back ever again...heck, it's only a 2 hrs flight to home hahaha.

i know i shouldn't be pissed at anyone for wanting to hang out with me before my departure, but come on people, please do it subtly or be creative because i get bored and turned off easily if i see what's coming hahaha (maybe that's why i'm good with what i do...anticipating what will happen next :p).

speaking of which, the reality of independence is finally setting in and after calculating my living cost budget, i realized that for me to live comfortably and save enough at the same time, i could only get a second hand vehicle around RM12k max (yeah, iswara should do it haha) and an apartment at RM500 max a month hahaha.

since i'll be eworking in putrajaya, i'm pretty glad that i wont be tempted to go out drinking as often as what i've been doing here in kk. been meaning to minimise my sessions but having friends who enjoys drinking with good companies, it's kinda difficult to say no haha. then again, we'll see how it goes...

cheers haha

dreamcast...the ramble haha

what is it about dreams that fascinates us? is it the fantasy of being able to achieve things that can't be done in the real world or is it the fact that we know it's only temporary so whatever bad things that happens in it wouldn't have a lasting effect in real time.

there's this one particular cousin of mine that whenever only the two of us are drinking, we rarely (very) talk about each other's personal life including work because we believe that no matter how much we talk about it, nothing's really gonna change unless we make it happen. but what we do talk about are stuff which would pique our interests, like the occults, paranormal or parapsychology or some other random weird things and we try to relate the topic on discussion with any scientific findings, whether proven or not, that we've come across which may explain it.

so, last saturday we had another session of random unplanned drinking session which he initiated at my place and after covering several topic, we got to talk about dreams. a dream, as we all know it is an intriguing experience, and so far in my opinion there isn't exactly any definite explanation on why we dream.

well, i wont be wasting any time on explaining to you in details what a dream is all about, here are some links to browse through for your reading pleasure on the topic:

a) Yahoo Answers on 'Dream'

b) Wikipedia on 'Dream'

c) Askville on 'Dream'

d) The Scientific Study on Dreams

e) Skeptics Dictionary

f) Scientific American

and finally, my own theory from my previous entry hahaha

anyway, what i'm more interested in now is that, why do we sometimes feel like that time is thrown off balanced in certain dreams. for example, a 5-minute dream can rejuvenate a person as if having been asleep for full 3-hours or lethargy as if having been only asleep for less than 3- hours when in fact a full cycle of 7-hours has been completed.

what i can gather is, for time to be thrown off balance, space and time has to play a role and it would be much easier to deduce that the difference in the space time during our R.E.M cycle and real time could be because a dream state could be equivalent to being in another dimension. sounds a bit farfetched and straight out from a science fiction movie doesn't it haha. well, i have yet to come up with a reasonable argument on this but, when i do (or if i ever! haha) figure it out someday i'll definitely share it hahaha.

anyway, in case you guys haven't watched the movie 'Inception' yet, i strongly advise you to! but a word of warning, it'll take much of your imagination and and understanding to figure out the movie hahaha.

been awhile since i last rambled like an idiot haven't i? haha. ciao :)

once an asset, remains to be one...

In about a months' time, KK would soon be a place of a distance as i embark on a new journey on another Malaysian soil. The idea of starting over in a new place offers somewhat of an excitement where new experiences will be gained but most importantly, a self re-invention is in line.

It's not so much as saying that KK isn't offering the thrill or fun that i need, but deep down inside me, the adventurous part, is dying to live a life of independence somewhere away from the comfort of home.

When the opportunity from the group of company which i left a year ago came knocking, i needn't have to think twice of saying yes when it was recommended to me. although at first i didn't have much confidence of ever getting the post since knowing how the group works, they would only choose the best of people for the post and frankly...i never put myself in the same league to those who are holding the same post at the other properties.

For one thing, i don't exactly have the social finesse to hold the post. when the rest are well dressed and groomed, i on the other prefers to have an unkempt hair as i like it to be free and untouched by any hair styling products. another thing is that i much prefer practicality over style or fashion and from my observation, those who hold the position has an air of class with knowledge of what's in and what's not.

Surprisingly, i had a good recommendation from my previous employer. i know i had a good working relationship with her but most of the time, i'm more of a headache to her as my opinions and working style are more often than not contradict with hers. so you would understand how surprised i was when she recommended my name to the other property.

Maybe being myself isn't that bad. maybe people do listen to me regardless of how non-nonsensical i may sound, or maybe people saw other things in me...the potential in me to make a difference even though i highly doubt that's the case.

As i looked back at my previous post 'the outcome...' which was posted sometime last year when i decided to leave the brand, i am now certain that despite my flaws and lack of confidence, the management did care a great deal about me and all the strict directives and exposuresthrown at me were all about to train me in the field.

Even when i made the decision to leave the brand and move to another company, it was always my goal to get back to the group which had taught me so much and gave myself a time limit to gain outside experiences for at least a year before looking for ways to get back into the group. probably i was meant to be with them because right after a year, the chance came knocking even without me looking for it.

Honestly, i'm not quite sure how i would fare with the new property, but if everything was as difficult as i first started with them or if their system are more or less similar to the previous property i worked for, i'm pretty sure that i will advance through it unscathed, although i do still worry that i won't be able to live up to their expectations.

A skype conversation with my previous employer brought a smile to my face:

x-boss: so, have you gotten the reply from them yet?
me: yeah, i got the job (smiling ear to ear even though it was obvious she wasn't able to see me)
x-boss: great, its payback time! (* it took me awhile to figure this out. after awhile did i realize that she was referring payback time to the time when my current company took me away from them hahaha).
X-boss: hope you will be loyal to SLP this time (the initial for the property)
me: nope, i wont. i'm just going to be loyal to SLA (the initial for the brand name)...

Now, moving to the new property requires me to get an accommodation and so far i have yet to find one which fits my budget. so i'm going to use most of my time searching for a place to live while staying in the hotel for two weeks as that's only how long they're letting me stay there hahaha. owh, and i'll be car-less for the next three months until i get my confirmation letter which is required for a car loan (yeah, the big boss had 'advised' or sounded more like stressed for me to get a car as it is vital for me to get around..though not sure to where haha). so, if any of you out there whois staying in Putrajaya and has a room to spare, do look me up! :D

Hopefully a chance would present itself for me to work with the KK properties after two years . But in the mean time, i just can't wait to leave the past behind and start anew...:D

picture taken is picture perfect?

i'm not much of a picture person, i mean..i try to avoid having my pictures taken most of the time, unless i'm intoxicated or i was in one of those 'i don't give a sh**' moment hahaha.

before, i never really understood the beauty of picture taking. i used to think that those who likes to take pictures are just vain to the core or too much of a show off (which i still think some are :p) and this mind set side-tracked my understanding of what picture taking is all about.

Having reached the big 3-0, a lot of things are suddenly revealing themselves, a certain level of comprehension unattainable due to the long practiced ignorance are finally surfacing and in retrospect, i do quite regret i haven't been much of a 'cam gigolo' to record my life events.

i don't see any harm of having our picture taken, but there's a limit to how much a person should be parading themselves in front of a camera. unless you're a good looking model with something to promote, try to minimize having your alone-self-shot-pose taken...but, there is an exception to it though.

When i browse through pictures, it's not the individuals' self-posing images which would attract me, instead, the surrounding or rather the story of what the picture is about. most of the time, there will be a focused subject which appears in the images and it's understandable if some (or nearly) all of it have that person's self shot taken because it's part of their life story like for example, a self-posed image of a person during his/her holiday or during a wedding. but if it's a random shot of doing nothing aside from vanity, it irritates me. ok, maybe one, two or even three of such image may be acceptable, but more than 10 or 20 is just just plain dumb (unless you're modelling for something)! hahaha.

I dont know, to me, a camera is a tool to capture the beauty and ugliness of life and of this world. 'A picture paints a thousand words' is more than just a corny line, it's as literal as it is because it plays with our imagination like how a novel would. it's like looking at a picture of a person standing beside a lake, we appreciate the surrounding beauty in the picture, the quality of the picture and in the end it makes us wonder if the person in the picture actually took a dip in the water, or why didn't that person do it or what was the person's thought at that moment or of the place or what else is there to be shared or why was he/she there in the first place and with whom... and so on and so forth.

like i said, a picture plays with our mind and imagination mainly because we see what is shown even when we're not there. we try to indulge ourselves in a picture because we are curious to know of what the real experience would be like if we were in it. unfortunately sometimes what the picture represents doesn't tally with what is it about and that's when we start to wonder and let our mind work its imagination. whichever way it is, a picture makes us think..a lot haha.

Geez, i may well be hated by the united vain people of the world or even the universe for writing about this, but it's just an opinion and i am well entitled to an opinion of my own hahahaha.

maybe i just need to chill eh? :)

tears of happiness...

for the first time after a very very long time, i cried silently..but this time, it's not because of anything bad, instead it was all good. one of my best cousin got married today with one of my great friend. after being with them from the day they were together until they actually tied the knot, i dont think anyone could understand how i feel exactly. it doesn't matter though, what i feel have nothing to do with anyone :).

looking up to someone isn't easy, we need someone 'right' to look up to and this couple were the perfect example on the kinda individual and relationship we wanna take as a role model :). what touched me the most was, i was the catalyst to their relationship, and they've acknowledged that.

anyway, i've finally got an offer to work in KL, and i will be moving because...after all the waiting, and my temporary presence, they've finally decided to tie the knot after 8 years of being together and i feel like my role is done. it feels like, i have nothing more to work at and i'm free to move on to another project hehehe.

so far, i'm not sure how my existence means something to someone...but one thing for sure, this marriage is one of the best things which ever happened to me....man, i'm definitely gonna miss this couple and i'm definitely gonna miss the friends after getting to know them from this two people....

yeah, i cried for them because i'm happy and right now...i'm tipsy hehehe.

a fraction of truth

i don't know how i got there, all i can remember were sparkling stars decorating the night sky, few toys strewn on the pavement and me standing on the sidewalk looking at the 2nd floor balcony without much of an expectation.

an alternate observation between the hovering diamonds and the balcony while trying to digest the unfamiliar things around me, a figure exited from the sliding door, walked and stopped at the balcony railing and started looking around as if having lost something.

i hid in the shadows, not quite sure why, but i did anyway. after a while of looking somewhat lost, the figure turned to my direction as if knowing i was there even though cloaked in darkness and made the way down to me. i wanted to run, but i felt stuck..my legs were no longer part of me but an entity with its own mind disobeying the directive passed on through the biological synapses from the brain to the motor sensors.

inch by inch the figure moved towards me until we were confronted with each other. i knew the face, heck, i knew the figure from even when we were facing each other. there were stuff i wanted to say but only one word came to mind, and with regret i said, 'sorry'.

she smiled and started picking up the toys. the next thing i remember was, it was day time and she was standing beside her husband with a baby in his arm. they looked happy, i felt happy because at that moment i remembered what i had told her when i had the guts to confess my feelings,

'i'm not sure if things between us are going to work, but i feel you deserve to be with someone better, and i'm not sure if i'm that person', (okay, just an approximate of what i had meant) and she replied, 'that's for me to decide'.

strange thing about instincts is that, they are most of the time accurate regardless of how unlikely the situation may be.

i stood there for a while, smiled at them and walked away feeling contented because, i was right after all.

few hours after waking up from the dream, i logged into my facebook account and true enough, a greeting was waiting for me by her. i tinge of regret of the what might have been was temporarily experienced, but regret has no place in the present or future because everyone has moved on..as it is supposed to be.

Just an update... :)

The front page of the leisure section in the New Sabah Times today caught my attention, and it has nothing to do with the images, but simply, the heading was quite intriguing to say the least. the headline read 'Are Blogs Dead?' written by (undeniably) one of this city's very talented writer.

so i read line by line and there are truths to what she conveyed and it got me thinking on my own blog. i know it's a bit cliche, repetitive and quite redundant to indicate once more on my reasons for blogging or why i started blogging in the first place.

but you know, aside from having someone to appreciate your opinions and minus those who are only interested on the personal side of it, writing gives off some kind of personal gratification. i once said that, writing is therapeutic and it still is. it's just that, time hasn't really been on my side lately and probably age is catching up with me much quicker than i thought, leaving me less and less inspired to post an entry haha.

i've previously deleted my blogs, a public and another personal blog, and looking back i wish i hadn't done so. every entry is a memory or experience that i had gone through, experiences of being naive, naughty, mischiveous, happy, sad, indifferent and others. unfortunately, my brain was built to store information for a period of time only and after that, it gets lost as new experiences appear. so, hard as i try to remember my thoughts or feelings of yesteryears, only blanks would come to mind.

but i've learned my lesson, and i intend to keep blogging and maintain this blog for as long as i can. if one day, you notice an entry hasn't been made for more than 12months it may only mean that.......

i.....

may....

have....
....
...
.....
......
.......

...forgotten my login details hahahaha :D.

Cheers peeps :)