Tuesday, May 25, 2010

a dose of reality...

life has both it's ups and downs. when there's a good thing, there's definitely a bad thing waiting to happen. but that's just one of the basic universal laws, something like light and dark; yin and yang; positive and negative; and so on...

but speaking about life, we tend to forget what life is about, or more accurately what living is about. despite how happy we may be, we get lost in the mazes of life's ever changing journey. but one fail safe and fool proof aspect is certain to bring us back to our senses...which i will touch on later in this entry. but first, let's just begin with the happy stuff which makes most of us feel alive.

in the next few weeks, a line up of wedding invitations will be in order. some i might be able to attend, few i will definitely attend regardless of anything and most i won't be attending at all due to my earlier commitments. and weddings such as these would sometimes put me in a confusing situation where i try to assimilate my own happiness with theirs but no matter how i try, my envy to their own happiness overwhelms the fact that i might be in their position sometime in the future :p. heck, 10 years ago i wouldn't give a damn about stuff such as this. but life sometimes plays a funny a game on us. as we grow older, our wants or needs become limited and we start to think about what's going to happen in the next few years, choices seem to become a commodity and uncertainty becomes a lot clearer. but hey, these are just some of the ingredients which makes us wiser to say the least.

the more we are engrossed of what life has to offer, or what needs to be attained from it, we forget that life is about making every second we breath meaningful. we don't need wealth to experience life to the fullest, we just need to understand that even the little things are sources which can bring the most depressed man to become the happiest man on earth.

as i was saying earlier, the one fail safe and fool proof aspect to making us realize this is none other than...death. ironic isn't it, to understand what life is, we need to empathise what death entails. then again, life and death is a never ending cycle which interconnects with each other.

a couple of days ago, a friend and ex-colleague of mine was admitted to the hospital for cancer. i'm not really sure at what stage is he in, but from what i've been told, it's not good. i've been meaning to visit him, but, unlike what my other ex-colleague told me 'ko pi jumpa lah bapa, dia selalu suka tu crita sma ko' (go and visit 'bapa', he had always liked chatting with you), i can't ....... yeah, 'bapa' which means father as he is called in the office, a soft spoken middle aged man of around 40+ of age with three children and a loving wife, he was my colleague in the same department and we would chat while doing our work to keep the stress at a safe distance and sometimes, we would just sit quietly the whole day focusing on the task at hand. even after i left, he would sometimes ask me of my situation at my new work place whenever i call up and he would start complaining in his own gentle way as if saying it would be different if i hadn't left.

but this time around, i wouldn't know what to say if i do drop by and visit. i mean, it's easy to be sarcastic and sanguine on normal days, but, knowing what his condition is like...being the person i am might not be such a good idea. or maybe, i should ignore the fact that he's sick and continue doing what i've been doing all these while so maybe, he could get a dose of my twisted world for a temporary respite from reality..nah, how could i even joke about this.

anyway, i am confused...well, was confused to be exact. as i'm writing this down, i've finally found the answer and the approach am gonna take. if laughter is the best medicine, then i'll inject a large dose of insanity into this head. fingers crossed hahaha.

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