Thursday, December 31, 2009

next stop...2010...

yeah hey, 2010 is here (or will be in about few hours time) and everyone's pumped up and it's great that they are being all jolly and happy about it :). but aside from sharing their optimism for another good year ahead, i just don't see the need to celebrate something which, if we look at it rationally, would be the same like any other days...i mean, it's just a date :p.

we humans are strange, it's understandable that we like to have fun. but do we really need an excuse to have one, what more to put a date on it? anyhow, before i'm labeled as the New Year's grinch, i may as well wish everyone a very HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010! hahaha

what's fun for me may not be fun for you muahahahaha...:p

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2009

in the spirit of Christmas, just wanna wish all readers a very Merry Christmas 2009!! :)

New Year 2010 is just around the corner...:)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

dreaming in mid-december...

had a weird tiring dream...nothing scary though. dreamt i was in a big hall with strangers, apparently in some kind of zen influenced martial arts class. we were told to break a wooden board, i refused but my mates insisted. in the end, i gave in...after looking at the rest of the group being unsuccessful at their attempts with a simple knuckle contact technique and being a first timer in the class, i didn't think i could do it. Eventually convinced myself it was all in the mind and the pain is in my control, it's up to me whether i wanna feel it or not and i took my first strike, astounding everyone when the 7" thick board broke.

i was proud of what i did but at the same time ashamed when all eyes were fixed on me. i grabbed my bag and rushed out the front door with a blank mind, i walked until a blinding white light covered my sight and awoke me from my slumber...

see..why can't i have dreams like these as often as before :)..

sometimes we need randomness in our life for it to be more meaningful...:)

Friday, December 18, 2009

the date...

the silent laid back web surfing in the middle of the night was interrupted with the special effect sound from the movie 'Transformers' indicating an incoming message on my handphone. the number didn't seem the least familiar and yet, the message sounded like the person knew me well..

'u out drinking kah?', read the message from the anonymous sender

being casual, i simply replied, 'no...y?', hoping for some kind of hint of who the sender might be

'just thinking of you', came the response...

prior to this message, i was thinking of someone from my past, hoping that the person in my mind would at least give me a call or drop me a message...yeah, wishful thinking hahaha.

'hey thanks, but who is this again?', i asked

'it's me...why do you keep deleting my number?' and instantly recognized who the sender was...

'owh sorry, i didn't delete it...there's something wrong with my phone, it can't read my sim card. so, how have you been doing?', not really serious in knowing the answer... it wasn't an interest, but just being courteous with someone i haven't been in touch for a very long time.

'i've been ok. was thinking of how we were before we met'

'errmm.....well, apparently still the same after we did', that was the best answer i can come up with. i mean, i didn't even understand the question. i recall we only went out on 'a' date (i dont think it's even a date haha), we had coffee at 1 Borneo's San Fransisco coffee, we had a good conversation, it happened 2 years ago and we haven't seen each other since!

sometimes, people misconstrue what dating really is. for most people, dating is a game where you go out with someone of your liking and try your best at impressing them. but for some people, dating is just a move to gather intelligence or information of whether the person is suited to be a companion and eventually 'the' wife or husband hahaha. if you don't receive any call from your date the next day, consider yourself blown hahaha. but if we look at things rationally, a date is nothing more than two people going out together and finding the best in each other within the short period of time.

how exactly does this dating game works? simple, it all depends on each other's chemistry. you go out on a date simply because you like them or there's a remote chance that the both of you might end up being together. some might consider a date as a foreplay to getting into his/her pants while others see a potential for a lasting relationship but either way, it requires the consent of both parties to make it happen :).

then again, how would i know anything about dating. i've been out of it for nearly a year now haha. but i do know one thing though, no relationship is complete without that first date ..for most people that is :). ciao peeps haha :p.

so...what are your thoughts on first dates? :)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

the answer to (why?)...:)

as most would've noticed, i haven't been blogging as much as i have been a year ago. hard as i try to complete an entry, i would more often be left hanging with its ending..unable to complete a story. so after a long while, i finally figured the reason behind the closing block...which is, i write just for the sake of updating this blog instead of writing to express what i really feel. i lost sight of why i started this blog in the first place, which is to express my feelings and share my experiences. forcing myself to write totally defeats the initial objective.

there are several reasons (or more accurately, mistakes) to why it happened and one of the major reason is, i was trying hard to make my entries worth reading...but everytime i do, it would end up in my draft folder torn between whether it should be published or left just as it is, obviously the latter triumphed haha.

maybe i've come to realize that i do care about what other people think of what i write, and i should take into account that some (or most) of my readers are people that i know who indirectly (or directly) plays a part in my observation for writing inspirations. i failed to consider that humans can be self-centred and vain, that any resemblance of what was written may be viewed as something which concerns them even when the truth is, it doesn't..well okay, maybe one or two entries (minus the ones i wrote in regards to my unsuccessful relationship haha) and that was only because i was provoked to retaliate hahaha. but my mind works best when i don't have to worry about what other people think.

now herein where my dilemma resides, should i write as how my observation dictates or should i refrain from doing so or else face the gallows of being judged and probably criticized or ostracized for using my own experiences as a mode of inspiration? haha, what am i talking about..the obvious answer is already there! to write means having a muse, and a muse is where our inspiration presents itself. so why would one choose a writer's block over a muse right? hahaha.

this time around when inspiration dictates me to write, i will willingly do its bidding (only if i deem it fit) hahaha. so to all readers, expect more consistent entries in the future. if any of you has something against what i write, rest assured that it has nothing to do with you but everything to do with me because it is myself under scrutiny when i do post an entry. it's my life, my senses, my psyche and my experiences under the microscope. ciao peeps..:).

sometimes, answers would come from the most unexpected sources...:)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

of pills and sickness...:)


Doc: ok, inhale and exhale..

i did what the doc told me and i can hear myself wheezing when exhaling. this wasn't my first doctor visit in 2 weeks. my first appointment with a different practitioner seemed a bit dodgy, his prognosis of my initial sickness was 'bladder infection' and i asked him how does one get a bladder infection because it sounded quite unbelievable, all he said was it could be caused by 'active' sexual activities (and i went like...WHAT?!! i've been celibate for quite sometime now hahaha) or some other stuff. he prescibed me with painkillers and antibiotics which my instinct told me not consume it. yeah, i got better but my coughing stayed on for another week and the cough expectorants wasn't doing me any good, hence the second opinion..:p.

Doc: have you ever had asthma before?
Me: when i was a child. did it come back?
Doc: emm..not exactly. what you're having is a prolonged.... (bla bla bla bla, couldn't exactly recall what he was saying as i was distracted by some of the paraphernilia inside the clinic hahaha)

until..

Me: a what?
Doc: one particular medicine will make your heart beat faster, so if that happens and your hands begin to shake, don't be frightened..it's supposed to do just that.

my brain processor went into hyper mode looking for the reasoning behind it and figured the quickened palpitations could be the effect of the opening of the lung's airway for easy breathing. the doctor somewhat confirmed the theory later on...well, somewhat haha.

Me:coooool!!
(grinning from ear to ear as i was oddly excited by it hahaha)
..............

PREDNISOLONE/ 6 pills, once a day - asthma, phlegm, cough
KASTIPRON/ 2 pills, 3 times a day- cough
BROXINE/ 2 pills, 3 times a day-
CETRIZINE- 1 tablet, once a day
VENTOLU (rmp)?-1 tablet, 3 times a day

i was prescribed with a list of medicines and in my whole life, i don't think i've ever swallowed more than 4 pills a day (except for vitamins :p) even when i got sick, so it kinda freaked me out. so, what exactly do i have?...
.....
.....
.....
BRONCHITIS!! hahahaha. no biggie, i will be fine in no time :).

man, i'm beginning to feel like a sickly old man..really do need to quit smoking, sooner the better hahaha.

Ciao peeps :)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

December 2009...

It's the 1st of December, which means:

a) I have been officially single for nearly one whole year ( haha)

b) 24days until Christmas

c) 30days until New year 2010

d) I've been with my new company for approximately 5 months

and most of all...

e) IT'S FREAKING END OF THE YEAR! Time flies by so fast nowadays hahaha...

sacrificial offering for the coming new year anyone? :)

Cheers peeps :)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

i wanna write...

there's just something about seeing your own write-up being published in any kind of print media regardless of whether you are known as the writer for the article or not.

the article could be just about anything, work related, personal opinions or just for the sake of writing and its a plus if you're acknowledged as the writer, but the acknowledgement itself isn't really a big deal. it's all about self-satisfaction of knowing people will be reading your thoughts on paper and not vanity :).

most of the time, i write articles for the establishment i work for. but, these write-ups aren't as fun as writing a piece based on what emotion, actual facts or personal opinions dictates. it's just different to pick up a pen and jot down each thoughts within a constricting framework compared to free-writing.

sometimes (well, most of the time), i am envious to those who writes better (wayyy better) than i do. just reading at how they play around with words, imagining the things they describe and trying to figure out the messages they are trying to relay are so intriguing to the point of amazement, wondering how the hell they can come up with the story or what provoked them to write something about it or etc etc. their creativity with words is something someone would love to hate (or maybe it's just me) hahaha.

i can safely say, i am not much of a writer and a lot of training for improvement is required before i can call myself good, which is why it can be really frustrating to read through my past blog entries. with loads of grammatical errors and uncreative story line, it is a wonder why i keep doing what i do and i wish i was as good as most of the writers i've come to know either personally or through their penmanship.

this entry is not so much of a complain because at the end of the day, it all comes down to writing. so regardless of whether it is writing for fun or writing for work, the gratification of completing an article or a story is beyond explanation..but i bet most of the bloggers out there already knows that :).

Owh and...pardon the handwriting haha. Cheers peeps :)...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

missing the years....

'Hi Jeremy, so how are you faring with your new job at XXXX hotel. We have a vacancy as PR Manager and i was wondering if you're interested' read the text message from an unknown number.

'Hi, would you mind introducing yourself?', i replied, just being careful in my correspondence. The reply didn't come in the next 30mins, but i was kinda flattered when it did. it was a direct call from the Director of Sales & Marketing, and the best part is that i didn't even send out my resume to them.

'May i sleep on it for a couple of days, i can't rush into any decisions right now'

'sure, but don't sleep on it too long'

and i literally slept on it for 2 days, not really thinking about it. the offer sounded good, higher pay (should be more than what i'm getting), a promotion and close to my bachelor's pad. but that's just it, i wasn't inclined on taking up the post. if the offer came few months prior, maybe, just maybe i would've accepted it, but i just started at a new place and i have yet to learn the ropes and i'm not going to give up until i've proven myself..talk about an inflated ego hahaha. besides, i have a great boss and there are many things i can learn from her :).

anyhow, on another note...i'm kinda missing my buddies and mates in Kuching, been awhile since i last saw them. seems like they've finally 'matured' to being reliable people, including the bikers gang who actually hated my guts (i think) for being too blunt in my words and actions.

the bikers used to give me the 'i'm gonna get you someday' glance all the time, and i would retaliate with 'the hell you could' glance hahaha. i understand that i can be a sarcastic, blunt and a straigthtforward jerk some time (well okay, most of the time hahaha), and i don't do well with idiotic or unjustified threats.

there was this one time when i nearly crossed the line with them. in one of my speeches during our election period for the student body council (which i was forced to compete in), i was interrupted with annoying outbursts and laughter by the gang and i knew they were mocking me, but i just kept my cool. but the nervousness of being on stage combined with a bunch of fixated eyes which felt like they could bore a hole in my brain just by glaring wasn't doing much good, and i finally snapped at the gang like a teacher would to his students, 'if you guys dare, come up to this stage!', well okay, i said it in Malay 'kalau kamu semua berani, naik atas pentas lah!' (or something like it hahaha). the gang got quite, all eyes were fixated on them and i really thought i was gonna get it this time hahahaha. at the end of the election, i got the highest ballots (about 90% votes from all the students muahahaha) and was in the line to be the next student body council president only to become the vice president because of religion (which i don't really mind :P).

but in time, the bikers started hanging out with me (and i thought there may be an ulterior motive), got me to participate in the group activities (which i rarely do because i still like the privacy of my own home) and started opening up with their problems. unknowingly, i was actually helping them in whatever way i can (mostly in academics) and they were looking out for my back, so it was a win-win situation for both sides :).

as i went through their pictures in facebook, it seems like they have since discarded their bikers gang persona and being more open and approachable to new people. and i couldn't help but feel happy for them. man, i do miss them a lot :).

geez, i'm rambling like an old man aren't i? hahaha, the hell with it! ciao :P

a) being in one of the kompang troupes in my early semester (yes, i 'used' to know how to beat the kompang haha). man, i look young :)

b) I don't play the game, was just their manager for moral support (i think haha)
c) The batch who broke tradition, made a difference and became the role models for the juniors :)

d) the last hang out :)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

idiosyncrasy...

anger...the only emotion i'm damn familiar with. i don't quite understand, but there seems to be a whole lot of anger welling up inside me and i don't know why. i've since learned to keep it in check, substituting it with sarcasm whenever i'm not around family, hoping that it wouldn't leak out in public. given a choice, i would pummel anyone without hesitation or self control but since i am still conscientious of my surroundings, i suppose it'll be kept subdued for the time being.

most of the time i wonder if there's a special place for someone like me to live in..a place where i can be all by myself without having the need to worry, care or think of anyone else, probably a separate dimension i can crawl into and get cut out from the rest of the world, void of all sounds and only to return when the need arises. depressing isn't it...but its not so much as depression, it feels kinda weird. the mood swings, sometimes the sudden irrational fears of meeting people, the unexplainable anger and all these leads to the personal solitary confinement. maybe i'm just tired of putting up a facade..the facade which is masked by the involuntary smile and laughter, maybe i desperately need to be left alone...pathetic isnt it :).

on the other hand, i kinda miss hanging out with friends and do some catching up, but not so much as everyday. probably once a month will do, a sustenance of some sort to the curious mind. geez, maybe there's no cure for my idiosyncrasy eh hahahaha.

Go figure....
ciao peeps...:D

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Dr. Ass in Practice haha

last night was another one of the many nights i went drinking alone again (yeah i know it's pathetic, but hey..gimme a break will you haha). and as i was seating minding my own business and ignoring everyone who were entering the premise, i suddenly got a hug from behind. it was a friendly hug and a bit childish and i couldn't turn my head around to see who it was but i noticed there was a girl standing beside me, smiling slyly...a stranger and my mind went into hyper speed making calculations based on the height and strength of the hug and only one person came to mind, a pal who i seem to have forgotten. frankly speaking, i was a bit disappointed..wasn't exactly the person i was hoping for, but hey..it was still a hug hahaha.

"yo dude, what're you doing here?!" he asked...

"i should be asking you the same question" i replied with my usual laugh

"didn't expect to see you here and i missed you..been wanting to look you up" in a sudden change in tone of voice and i could tell he really did..

"hey well, what's the use of technology, a short text message would suffice" laughing trying to clear the gloom.

"i texted you on your birthday and you didn't reply, i thought you were too busy"

"what?!! that's like about 3months ago. grow up dude haha. but truth be told, i kinda forgot about you and everyone else..." smirking at my own reply. "so, is this the infamous girlfriend you've been telling me about?"

an exchange of awkward glances happened in a split second between them "noooo..she's just a friend, my senior in high school.."

"owh...", feeling a bit awkward for about a second there and then they took their seats putting me in the middle...

"so, you and your girlfriend are still together?" i asked

"yeah..more or less. we are having toubles, that's why i needed to speak to you. oh and you're still drinking here alone? you haven't change dude" he laughed

i smiled, and i knew where this was going. so we talked about all the shit he was going through, the stuff that has happened and finally, my advice to him was...

"dude, i've told you before didn't i. both of you are still young (literally in their early 20s), and there are a lot of room for changes. you're taking your relationship too seriously, you have to loosen up a little. you can't be controlling her, especially now she's in uni. let her do whatever she wants, as long as she doesn't overstep the boundries. you can't be telling her not to do this or that, let her enjoy life, she's in uni for heaven's sake..she needs to loosen up as well. all you can do is just support whatever she's doing, if you think she's doing something wrong then just tell her off but not in a condescending manner. at least if things didn't work out between the both of you, she would remember you as her loving and supporting ex"

"but what about the promises we made before she left? doesn't it mean anything to her?"

"geez dude, next time come up with a more realistic promises. you're not 15 or 17 year olds anymore.... grow up. honestly dude, the ball is in her court and she's on the winning side. all you can do now is just 'makan hati' (i have no idea how to translate that in english hahaha). if there is such a thing as a sacrifice in a relationship, this would be yours" smiling unconvincingly.

"you know what, i hate it when you tell me stuff like these"

"yeah, well...maybe you're just perverted cos you keep coming back for more", i thought but just gave him an approving smile instead..

i know that it's much easier said than done, heck, based on my track records of past relationships, i'm not even qualified to give out any advices hahaha. but i tell as how i see it, no sugar coating or any form of sweet words..just being my obnoxious self hahaha. but seriously, i would be left with guilt whenever i do give out these kinda stuff, not knowing whether my advices made sense or the thought that it may backfire can be quite disturbing...how's that for an ugly truth :)

"life isn't always sweet and cosy...remember that..."

ciao peeps...

Thursday, October 8, 2009

HUMOR OF THE DAY...

Okay, some of you may not find this funny...but for those who are in the tourism and hospitality field would find this very amusing hahaha. Cheers peeps :)

Some holiday complaints submitted to Thomas Cook

> "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

> "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I oftenfound i needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

> "On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

> "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

> A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the> room.

> "The beach was too sandy. We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

> A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

> "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

> "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50)> from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

> "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

> "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England,we found out it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

> "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

> "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

> "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

> "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

> "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

> "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

> My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room, but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

Okay, some of you may not find this funny...but for those who are in the tourism and hospitality line would find this very amusing hahaha.

chill out peeps and cheers :)

Sunday, October 4, 2009

the complexity...

here i am seated in front of my laptop for the past 30minutes, blankly staring at it while, at the same time, squeezing my brain out for something i can write about. during the short period of inspiration seeking, a lot of stuff came to mind but nothing practical...everything was about food! KFC would come to mind and suddenly McDonald, alternating between fast food outlets, making me hungrier despite having a filling dinner. geez...and this only means one thing, if you have nothing good to write, then don't force yourself to hahaha.

but over the past few weeks i've been 'plagued' with a self concious doubt of who i really am, questioning my own individuality and my very own existence. i tried blocking it out from my head, but somehow rather a distant or vague voice keeps telling me that i should be 'out there' somewhere making a difference. yeah, it's a bit subjective...i mean, what kind of difference? better or worse? make difference to my own life or someone else's? but the most important question which needs answering to is 'how do i even begin?'.

this isn't the first time i've been bothered by something like this..it has happened before throughout the different phases of my life and i would just shrug it off as something irrelevant. but whenever it does happen, it leaves a lasting deep impression..hence the doubts. call it a 'hero complex' or a 'calling', but whichever name is given doesn't change the fact that i'm still confused by whatever it may be.

anyhow, on a TOTALLY unrelated note...i think i have diarrhea, it maybe because of the amount of food i've been consuming the whole day or probably due to my greediness, i accidentally stuffed myself with spoiled food items hahaahahahaha. the hell with it, nothing a good dose of 100plus couldn't fix hahaha.
ps: "eye spy with my cat eyes, another confusing future ahead of me"...:p. this is one 'pussy' i'd like to hop into bed with hahahaha *disclaimer: this isn't my cat :p...

ciao peeps and goodnight :p...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

one of the crazies?...

i'm not sure if the hiatus from blogging has done me any good, i'm still (literally) loss for words on what to say or how to end on what i may start. the fault is entirely mine though, and i don't think going for another long break from blogging would make any difference. maybe this is what they call a writers' block :p.

i could start an entry about my new job, but after a long thought, i figured that it's not much different from my old job. it's basically a love-hate relationship, i love my job yet i dislike the thought of waking up early in the morning for it hahaha. or i could blog about the happenings in my life, except that, i don't even know where to begin and what to tell. so far everyting has been great, i have yet to encounter anything bad (something which i couldn't handle), but despite all the good things, the smile and laughters, it feels like there's a dark spot within me which is somewhat eager to find the light or maybe...the other way around. confusing isn't it? well, tell me about it, i've been spending too much time alone that all the dormant incongruous thoughts are resurfacing..heck, but i'm not complaining...its these thoughts that have kept me entertained throughout my lack of social circle (of which i don't mind as well) hahaha.

but one scary thought came over me when i reflected on myself, i mean, if i couldn't be bothered much about the things around me and i can easily entertain myself regardless of anyone's presence...is there anything wrong with me? its a scary thought, maybe i am crazy...rationally crazy (is there even such word) hahaha.

Speaking of crazy, has anyone of you thought about what goes on in the head of mentally unstable people? it has always intrigued me on how their brain works. there was a time i tried to be close to them and just observe, hoping my eye contact could show me a glimpse of how their mind works. During my college years in Kuching, i had a part time job as a store assistant at a store similar to 7-11. Now, this brand has several branches around Kuching so i had a chance to move from one place to another. the job was mediocre, i mean...what do you expect, i was a STORE ASSISTANT hahaha, but what i looked forward to was the arrival of the city's 'crazies' - literally hahaha.

i managed to get close to three of these people, an old chinese guy, an old chinese woman and an old indian guy..and all of them smelt like like they slept in their own shit. even their hair was so dried up they actually stuck together and hardened- except for the chinese woman who looked quite normal, but she still smelled (yeah...think of gross, yucks.. haha). my first encounter was the crazy old woman, and it was my 2nd week on the job. she came into the store, seemingly normal, started picking up stuff and before i knew it, my colleague went to her and asked her to the leave the premise. she didn't though...she went straight to one of those waiting area in the store and just sat there...i didn't care though, i mean..she may be crazy but she's still human and besides, she was seated quitely minding her own business when suddenly she began shouting and started pointing her fingers to my collegues with a nasty glare (i think my colleague was initimidated by her) then suddenly she looked straight at me, made eye contact and all i did was smile...surprisingly, she mellowed down and moved her gaze to the floor. i then took her outside and told her (in my mixed broken chinese haha) that she's not supposed to go into the store. i wasn't sure if she understood me, but she then sat on the pavement hugging her knees. i went back in and looked at the items she picked up earlier, they were satchets of instant coffees. i smiled again, probably she wanted something to drink. picking up a styrofoam cup, i filled it with coffee and passed it to the woman. there wasn't any expression on her face though..no gratitude, no sinister look but just blank, which is something i'm quite familiar with.

she would then occasionally come to the store, but just stayed at the entrance (which only happens when i'm on duty, she would barge in when i'm not around hahaha) and i would get her something like a cup of coffee, ice cream, candies and some other small stuff just for the sake of it :). it wasn't long when i learned from the old timers in the area on what happened to her. apparently, she lost her family few years back from a tragic accident and she hasn't been the same ever since. i was glad to know of it, at least she was once normal...

what i learned from them is that, humans are quite fragile...even when losing their sanity, they are unconciously craving to be part of the society, to be treated with kindness and to be understood. they may lose sight of who they once was, but they're still human nonetheless...just remember that...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

the hermit...

yeah i know...i should start actively update this blog with the everyday happenings be it irrelevant, stupid or downright boring hahaha.

okay, went for a drink last night since today's gonna be a public holiday. mind you, i haven't been drinking as much as i used to nor have i been going out. i brought my camera along in case a photo opportunity arises for me to use in my line of work as an inspiration. so there i was at my usual waterhole, still in my office attire and all alone taking random pictures while being glanced at strangely by the crowd. the hell with what they thought of me, i couldn't care less...i mean, if they have something against a (good looking) guy drinking all by himself at the bar counter with a camera in his hand, just know that it takes more to be alone by choice rather than be a pretentious idiot who thinks being surrounded by people they barely know is a cool way of gaining fame hahaha.

nothing much was gained in the lone quality time, except for that one interesting brief episode which eventually hinted it was time for me to head home. here's the approximate re-enactment of the episode:

guy: ko sendiri kah?
me: ya...
guy: ko photographer kah?
me: bukan...
guy: sa rasa ko mimang photographer, sebab beberapa kali suda sa nampak ko ambik2 gambar sebelum ni...

yeah, that got me wondering...it has been quite a while since i last did any street photography myself...

me: yakah, ko silap urang tu, sa baru jak belajar bergambar ni...
guy: ndalah, sa tau ko tu...

*i think i gave him a disgusted smirk...

guy: ko ambik gambar kahwin kah? buli juga ko ambik gambar masa wedding sa nanti...
me: nda lah, kan sa bilang sa baru jak belajar bergambar. tapi kalau ko mau, sa buli tulung rekomen photographer lain lah...
guy: ko jangan rendah diri sana bah, sa tau ko buli tu jadi photographer..

*okaaayyy...i was in the mood to be alone, and i don't appreciate strangers making small talk with me...

me: sepa nama ko tu?
guy: wan
me: wan, ko celebrate raya kan? *had to ask, he looked like a Malay...
wan: ya, napa?
me: selamat menyambut bulan ramadhan *was hoping he would get the sarcasm and leave me alone...
wan: tenkiu...ko cinakah?
*damn it...how stupid can a person be...
me: bukanlah, campur. ermmmm...pa ko buat sini time bulan ramadhan?
*enter sarcasm again...
wan: tedalah juga, saja rilek2 sma kawan...
*with that remark, i kinda laughed...cos i realized i could be an ass with my next question...
me: rilek-rilek aa *laugh*, ermmm...brapa hari ko nda buli pi masjid lepas hari ni? *enter evil laugh*
wan: ishh, jan ko gitu bah (and joined in the laughter...idiot)

he started talking about stuff which i don't quite remember because i kinda blocked him out from my head..only after awhile was i kind enough to entertain him for abit...

me: sa mau balik suda lepas minuman sa abis ni..
wan: awal lagi bah, baru pukul 11 bah ni *while pointing to his wrist watch
me: tapi jam sa bilang masa untuk pulang suda *while pointing to the non-existent watch on my wrist

me: sa rasa kawan ko sna boring suda tu...*another hint for him to leave me alone
wan: ya kan..nanti sa datang balik
*klu ko nda datang pun nda apa...i thought to myself...

the moment he left, i quickly finished my drink and quitely left the bar hahaha.

when i got in my car, it suddenly dawned on me that....IT TOOK ME 4 LARGE BOTTLES OF BEER TO GET DRUNK hahahaha. gosh...i am getting old :)



life is good...ciao peeps :)




Thursday, July 30, 2009

the disrupted constancy...

i woke up this morning not exactly knowing what day it is. the heavy rain seemed more imperative then what the rest of the day has in store for me. after few minutes of lying down on my bed and after regaining sense of the surrounding, it occurred to me that today 'should be different' than any other days. unfortunately, the excitement was momentarily outlived when i realized that 'today is just the same as any other days, until i decide to make it differently'. yeah, i'm a wet blanket even to myself haha :p.

so basically, i started my day just as i would everyday; go to work, get stressed out at work, and back to work again convincing myself that i am not stressed out; a repetitive process until lunch time. for no apparent reason, i wanted to be alone during lunch hour, i didn't feel like mingling around and i definitely wasn't in the chatting mood. off i went, taking a 15 minutes stroll hoping to clear my mind (which was already blank in the first place haha) before deciding on which restaurant to patron for lunch. the mindless walking brought me to a familiar restaurant, a filipino restaurant and coincidentally enough, the place was vacant as it was just opening for business and i was their first customer.

i liked the environment, no one around except for the workers and it felt really comfortable and safe...i suddenly got to thinking, that maybe, just maybe, everyone needs a place where they can comfortably go to without having to think what others are thinking. not to say a place where you're free to do whatever you want and be yourself, but more like a place where you can just relax...

signal hill used to be 'the' place i would go to. regardless of how dark and spooky it was, it didn't bother me the least. i liked the midnight chill, the eerie silence which would be broken by the passing cars and the gloomy darkness which has the charm to lull me to sleep, but the best part is, i have the place all to myself. after quite sometime, the place ceased to be mesmerizing and ever since then, i have yet to find a venue which could give off a similar impression :).

the rest of the day continued as how it had started, and it should have ended the same as any other days as well. yeah, 'should have' is the operative word here. i don't exactly advertise my birthdate on my networking profiles nor do i disclose the date to anyone...the next thing i knew, i was presented with a cake with one candle lit. i 'should' be flattered, or even be slightly surprised because i wasn't expecting any of it, but i felt nothing and did nothing except to 'forcefully' give my colleagues a smile as a token of appreciation. yeah, today is my birthday...but that doesn't make it any special than yesterday or tomorrow because i'm just grateful to live another day. besides, i'm not exactly one to celebrate his own birthday haha.

then again, my appreciation goes to these people who took time to wish me personally or sent me a message:
a) my sisters: Gems, Ginds and Inden
b) cousins: Tesz & Kane
c) the gidiots: Mel, Yo & Shan (qualified by default haha)
d) Kupi (the catalyst for the consequent wishes)
e) Gidong
f) Lissa
g) Callixtus@Tom
h) Mamai
i) Gurangak
j) Sebastian@Sabas
k) mesh
l) lastly, to my Colleagues and Ex-colleagues & the 'Dysfunctional Family' :).

So, what exactly did i do on my birthday today? well, i'm now at coffee bean drafting this entry with a friend haha. cheers, ciao and thanks.

ps: i know the belated wishes would flood in after today, so pardon me if your name isn't listed..but do know that your wishes are appreciated just the same :).

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

smiles...

it has been awhile (a looong while) since my last entry and it's not because i don't have anything to say, in fact, i have loads to tell. but just like before, i seem to have difficulties finishing my entries, adding more to the existing unpublished entries in my draft folder.

so, how am i doing nowadays? hmmm...so far my new job and new working environment is good, i've been spending more time with my online animes ever since i got my new laptop, i've been a homebody for quite sometime now (and i like it hehe), i have loads of activities penned down after this next 3 months, i'm missing my ex-college mates and lastly, i'm just happy being where i am now. quite generic isn't it? well, sometimes the simplest things are the best things in life.

i've been thinking alot about the smiles on people's faces.., i mean, what do we see in them? how exactly do we perceive them? a single upward curve of the lips, is all it takes to encrypt a message either consciously or subliminally giving hints of sincerity, sarcasm, affection, hatred, sanity and others. yeah, a smile can divulge all those information.

i've always been attracted to another person's smile, not because of it looks good on anyone doing it but, just like the eyes, a smile can be just as intriguing :). deciphering the kind of smile a person expresses is like trying to read a person just by looking at their eyes, a body language which most people tend to overlook.

my question now is...when was the last time you really smiled? :)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

When I see You Smile.....

Just for the sake of updating this blog, i'm gonna leave you with this evergreen slow rock :)



WHEN I SEE YOU SMILE - BAD ENGLISH

Sometimes i wonder
If i'd ever make it through
Through this world
Without having in you
I just wouldn't have a clue
Cause sometimes it seems
Like this world's closing in on me
And there's no way of breaking free
And then i see you reach for me
Sometimes i wanna give up
Wanna give in
I wanna quit the fight
And then i see you baby
And everything's alright
Everything's alright
When i see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know i can do anything
When i see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh i see it shining
Right through the rain
When i see you smile
Baby when i see you smile at me
Oh yeah
Baby there's nothing in this world that could ever do
What the touch of your hand can do
It's like nothing that i ever knew
Hey
And when the rain is falling
I don't feel it
Cause you're here with me now
I wanna ask you baby
It's all i¹ll ever need
All i'll ever need
When i see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know i can do anything
When i see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh i see it shining
Right through the rain
When i see you smile baby
Baby when i see you smile at me
Sometimes i wanna give up
I wanna give in
I wanna quit the fight
Then one look at you baby
And everything's alright
Hey everything's alright
It's alright
When i see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know i can do anything
When i see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh i see it shining
Right through the rain
Yeah
When i see you smile
Yeah i can face the world
Oh you know i can do anything now
When i see you smile
Oh yeah
Baby when i see you smile
Smile at me

man, 80's slow rock and ballads are still the best :). ciao peeps...

Monday, June 22, 2009

beautifully confused...:)

dreams, my way of escaping reality has been a big help for as long as i can remember. it's either an eye opener (rarely) or confusing (mostly) but regardless of which one is which, it's always pleasurable.

but my dreams hasn't been occuring as often as it used to or as it should be, or maybe i may have been dreaming but seem to have forgotten about it the moment reality weighed itself on me upon waking up :).

but last night, i had one of the weirdest dreams which had me refreshed and feeling good. i can't really recall what it was, but i do remember it as snippets of events... short glimpses of different events being woven into a dream, like a quilt made from different materials.

like i said, i couldn't make out what i dreamt about but the confusion sure feels damn good as if i am bound to experience nothing but good things in the near future :).

am rambling now aren't i, can't help it though...i FEEL DAMN GOOD! hahaha. ciao

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

a reminder...

"the morning sky is depressingly dark...but i like, it has a sense of tranquility amidst the chaos :)...", reads my facebook status message this morning. literally, it means exactly what was written. but its significance lies within the obvious.

for two days, i managed to confuse my fragile mind with unnecessary or irrelevant thoughts, ideas, assumptions, theories etc etc to the point of being deprived of a restful slumber. none of it was important, but things keep popping up in my head one thing after the other.

but as i was sitting at my desk looking through the window right across me, i could see the leaves rustling due to the strong wind and suddenly heavy rain started pouring down. in that instant, i realized that things aren't as bad and if they aren't as bad then definitely it couldn't get any worse :).

i'm not saying i've been on a string of bad lucks, no..nothing of that sort. it's just that there are times when we take granted of the things around us or moments when we successfully convinced ourselves the good things we have now should be better than how it is, that we failed to appreciate the little things in life. put it simply, i have a good life (to say the least) and everything seems to be in order...but deep down inside, i've always wanted more than what i'm having now. it may be greed or it may be a desire to be better which brought this kind of thinking, but whichever it is, as long as i'm doing it right than there's nothing to complain about..right? :).

i know i've said this before, but regardless of the repetitions, everyone seems to forget. so here i am again reminding everyone including myself to appreciate the little things because if the best things in life are free than the simple ones should be less complicated :).

Saturday, June 6, 2009

am loving it...

a lot of good things has happened to me as of late and i couldn't help but count my blessings. for starters, i'll be working in a totally new environment come July (but sadly still in the hotel line haha) and frankly speaking, i'm looking forward to it..counting the days when i will be working with new people, making new friends, meeting new acquaintances and probably make a mark of my own in this close circuited field :).

but with this good news and new job, i was expecting something negative to counteract the positivism (there's no such thing as something 'good', it's like yin and yang, an antithesis) and after a short waiting period, it finally materialized hahaha. yeah, apparently i will be served for haven't been paying my study loans for these past few years..in other words i will be brought to court for my own irresponsibility hahaha. but you know what, i'm not even the least worried, maybe because i know that everything would turn out right. i may not be able to pay the amount at the designated time (which is by this monday hahaha), but i believe it could be settled through some kind of agreement or discussion without having to go through court (fingers crossed). but i'll only worry about that come this monday, which means i would need to make calls and stuff hahaha.

i think age is quickly catching up to me. i'm only in my late 20's but i already feel like i'm in my early 40's hahaha. i tried recalling my past memories in the couple of years, but try as i may, everything seems to be a blur like a dream. maybe it's the consequence of being ignorant all these while or maybe my brain activities are deteriorating more rapidly than expected :).

i've got a lot of things going on in my head but i just couldn't get hold of one single thought. it feels a lot like there's a bird fluttering inside trying to get out making everything a jumble with every flap of its wings :).

i tendered my resignation a few days ago, and the news of me leaving spread like wildfire after it was announced in the management morning briefing (which is quite an honor since only an upper management's resignation would be announced) and shared with the rest of the staff with access to the corporate email (which i rather they didn't because i had in-house calls nearly every 30 minutes, explaining to them why i was leaving. yeah, flattering but guilt stricken).

as mentioned earlier, i am really looking forward to the new challenges and this time, i would have more time for my friends..so wait for me peeps :). ciao...

ps: really really really gonna miss my old workplace...and i am loving life! :)

Sunday, May 31, 2009

happiness is a state of mind - FACT!!...hahaha

i couldn't exactly recall when was the last time i went for a drinking marathon, been too occupied with work this past few months which limited my alcohol consumption to once or twice every one or two weeks. which is good though, it actually helped alot in regards to my weight loss haha.

but for the past couple of days, i've been on a drinking spree with family and friends due to the long public holiday we are having and after all those booze and relaxation, it feels like i've been on a holiday for one whole month and i can't wait to get back to work because honestly speaking...i'm getting bored of not doing anything solid and being away from my desk feels like i'm missing out in something hahaha.

the long holiday was good, i mean i had a chance to reconnect with old friends and got to meet up with new acquaintances. i am so relaxed that, metaphorically speaking, my brain has been resetted and ready to accept new inputs and new ideas for improvement is pouring in like an unblocked dam flooding all those doubts and negativities into the dark abyss hahaha.

anyhow, just wanna share with you peeps how happy i am with my life right now. one of my cousins asked me 'aren't you tired of being single?' and my response was 'i am happy with where i am now, so no..i'm not'. which is true, i mean, everything is falling into place, i am heading towards my self contentment that i don't need any insignificant distractions to steer me away from my focus or drown me in insecurities, doubts or any of those menial emotional factors. yeah, i do miss having someone to be with me to share my good and bad times but...who needs a relationship when i can do that with my few good friends and family, right? hehe

okay...enough ramblings for now. gonna get ready for another drinking binge (yeah i know it's late but hey...there are places which opens until late haha). ciao peeps :)

ps: had a drunken discussion in one of our drinking session and one of the topics we touched on was on science. we had a debate on 'gyroscopic inertia' and i couldn't get it out off my head until today (partly because i have a thing with rotating objects hehe). damn it, i'm so curious to learn more that i've begun to read more on it and the worst part is...i'm was not even a science stream student! damn you physics!! hahaha. read up on it guys...quite an interesting concept :).

Thursday, May 28, 2009

the outcome...

from swirling confusion to undescribable gratefulness, that's all i can say about what i'm feeling right now.

as of a few minutes ago, i realized my existence in this company wasn't for nothing at all...in fact, i am acknowledged by nearly everyone including the management but the most vital acknowledgement i received was from the GM and it flattered me to the point of being afraid to even make eye contact with him.

My boss had a chat with the rest of the upper management and after sharing with them what i had shared with her earlier this morning, the GM was opposed of my decision from resigning and even came up with few suggestions on making sure i don't leave the company/ brand on the grounds that he would've done the same if he was in my shoes :).

the few suggestions he proposed were:
a) i should be transferred to other departments for experience but my boss were against it as she said my career path is in the line i'm in now.
b) move to our sister property downtown, and still, my boss were against it as she knew i wouldn't be happy working with the head of department over there (yeah, she's a back stabbing spinster).
c) let me take up the offer at the other hotel and call me back within 6 months time (yeah, i went like 'what?!!, isn't there a code of professionalism in this regards especially when it involves the same field?)

and the most flattering was:
d) he actually asked my boss to give our sister property in KL a call (the area director or the head of a specific hotel) to fit me in.

which my boss did, and apparently the head of department for that sister hotel has a vacancy as her assistant had just left a couple of days ago. my boss asked me if i was interested to work there and i excitedly answered 'yes' but depending on how much i would be getting. i've stayed in that hotel, and i love the place...it's kinda small but it has a big potential of being the next best place to work at.

man, come to think of it...now i'm excited, more confused but just plain glad of how things turned out to be. sometimes, our potentials are only visible to other people and we need them to acknnowledge our capabilities for improvement :).

ps: i didn't know things could get a bit complicated...if i had known beforehand how much i'm worth, i would've done this a long time ago hahaha

me ultimatum...

my whole day has been a complete suspense, the contemplation of doing the right thing has left my heart racing and my mind swirling with confusion..it feels a lot like breaking up with someone you really care about.

yeah, i decided to break the news to my boss regarding my decision to resign and pursue a better opportunity. i was feeling a bit drowsy from the anticipation of trying to catch her at a right time, i was lightheaded when i broke the news to her and now i feel like crying because i felt like i dissapointed someone (not that i could shed any tears anymore haha). the feeling sucked...terribly.

Me: Boss, can i have a talk with you for a while...
Boss: pasal apa? (what about?)
* maybe my action of shutting the door gave her a hint on what was about to be said*
Boss: ko mau resign? (you want to resign?)
*ignoring that remark *
Me: this is not easy for me to say, but i have an offer elsewhere...
* a moment of silence...*
Boss: hmm...where?
Me: *&^%$#..
* she then asked me the usual qustions when someone is leaving for another company, like, how much are they offering you? what is the position offered? etc etc...*
Boss: i'm the kind of person who wouldn't stop anyone if they were offered something better but...
*the long pause after the 'but' gave me an uncomfortable feeling...more like a note of dissapointment setting in...*
Boss: but...i would rather you stay with us. okay, what if the company is willing to counter offer you, would you take it?
*damn it...i was afraid of this. i just want this to be over with quickly..
Me: that depends, but frankly speaking...i am quite keen on taking up the offered job because i need a change of environment, something new..
Boss: yeah, but what if you were counter offered?
Me: that dependslah...but like i said, i'm going for a new experience *forcing a smile*
Boss: i enjoy working with you, i mean, your predecessor has her own strength which is writing, but you have the optimistic attitude to deal with whatever is thrown at you and that's what everyone likes about you.
Me: yeah, i guess :)
Boss: are you leaving because of me? sebab saya slalu marah-marah? (because i'm always being uptight?)
Me: No lah, if it was because of you...i would've left a long time ago *giggling at my own remark*. In fact, i had an enjoyable time working with you despite your temper because, as you know...i can ignore you whenever i want to *now laughing at my answer, which was followed by a giggle from my boss*. but despite my decision to leave, i would like to work here if an opportunity arises. our hotel is still different from the rest, everyone's like a family here...
* it wasn't easy when i first started working with her, i actually had a hard time dealing with all the requests and tantrums haha, but then...i've always known i wasn't a quitter so i stayed just to prove her wrong*.
Boss: okay, we'll talk about this some other time. Just be prepared to be counter offered...
Me: ok boss, but just so you know, i'm interested in the offer not because of the pay but because of the experience..the money is only secondary :) *which is true, because i know they can afford to do the counter offer, but i was really serious when i said i needed a new change of environment*

i felt apologetic, and i did apologize even when i know i'm not doing anything wrong. gosh..i really do need to lie down somewhere and clear my mind off. but hey, at least i got the burden off my shoulder, for the time being that is hahaha.

ps: everyone thought my decision to move was the right thing to do...in fact, most of the people in the hotel keeps saying stuff like 'i'm surprised you could stay this long' or 'about time you move on'. but to everyone out there...ignorance is bliss and optimism rules! :p

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

my take on kaamatan...

Today is Wednesday the 27th of May, and (i believe) all Sabahans are looking forward to the weekends because in two days time, this 'Land Below The Wind' will be enjoying a festivity which is quite similar to the German Oktober Fest.

Every year in May is a festive month for the few indigenous tribes in Sabah, namely the Kadazan, Dusun, Rungus and Murut people. It is the month of appreciation for a bountiful paddy harvest with the main celebration commencing at the end of the month starting with a few paganistic traditional rituals and culminates with a state wide beauty pegeant also known as 'Unduk Ngadau'. *Please click here for more information.

now, i don't know much about the traditions and rituals as, frankly speaking,...i've never seen the actual or even participated in the event. come to think of it, i don't even celebrate the occasion (in a traditional sense) :). i'm one of those unfortunate few new generations who takes this opportunity at this time of year as an excuse to binge on alcohol and get wasted :).

i'm not quite proud of my ignorance because in the long run, if 70% of this state's population is as ignorant as i am, our unique cultures and traditions might be lost within a nick of time. but in this driven world of technology, science and rationality, tradition seems to to be corroded bit by bit without many of us realizing it and the dominating influence of religion are hindering the spiritual aspect of these traditions.

there's nothing much that can be done about this matter because we live in an ever changing world where nothing stays long enough to make a difference. all we can hope for is that more new generations would take interest in preserving our heritage thus assuring its continutiy for generations to come :).

Monday, May 25, 2009

saturday blast...

the recent saturday was a blast for me, after being a hermit for the past couple of months i finally took the time off to enjoy myself. but bear in mind, if it wasn't for the invitation from the woman that made it happen (yeah shan, am talking about you muahaha), i wouldn't have even bothered going if it was something else...it's more like moral support to a friend in need (which would still be one helluva event regardless of my attendance haha).

what did i plan on doing if i wasn't at the party?..hmm, lemme see...probably nothing :). i was still a bit fatigued (not exactly hungover) from the session we had the night before, so i thought of getting an early headstart in slumberland. but since i've committed myself to attending this event, it would reflect badly on me if i were to cancel it at the last minute without any concrete excuse :).

when the time came, i hopped into my car and drove directly to Shangri-La's Tanjung Aru Resort's fun pub, the Blue Note, where the cocktail party for the official launching of LifeandStyle.com.my webzine (by invites only) took place (and i was approximately 30minutes late haha). it started a bit slow for me that night, i mean, i was still contemplating whether to mingle around or just be an observer but in the end..i decided to mingle and i think i've achieved my mingling quota which would cover the first and second quarter of the year hahaha. then again, the mingling around was only to serve my own selfish need, it's part of my job in the communications field to maintain rapports and relationships especially with the media people :). the moving around soon bore me, but good thing a fellow gidiot was around, which proved to be the other set of adventure i needed in one single night!

we didn't stay long for the event, two hours surrounded by strangers in a deafening and dim lighted environment is more than what i can handle :). i decided to join fellow gidiot Mel at the 'Hog Rally' which was held at the same venue but different location and that was my hiatus of the night hahaha.

i'm not much of a biker, but there's something about big bikes that can really turn on a guy (or maybe i'm just the only weird one who sees it that way hahaha) -in a non-sexual way :p. anyhow, i wasn't there for the bikes, instead i was there to be surrounded by familiar faces and of course....the free booze (what can i say, i'm a guy and a cheapskate. besides, the best things in life are free hahaha).

all in all, i would say the night turned out to be rather unexpected. i didn't expect to be entertained, i didn't expect to be having fun and i didn't expect how much i've missed out on life's little pleasures of hanging out with friends :). i really do need to get a life, well..not really. i just need to make time for life hehehe..

ps: pictures will posted soon enough...once i get my hands on them hehehe. ciao....

Sunday, May 24, 2009

the massess....

mass optimism :)



cool isn't it? wonder if it'll ever happen here in Kota Kinabalu :)

Saturday, May 23, 2009

am i weird? or i am weird!

either way, the fact that i am different from everyone else doesn't give anyone the rights to judge me right? hahaha. i mean, there isn't anyone in this world who are exactly the same which means...everyone is in fact weird in their own unique ways! hahaha.

okay, i am a bit stressed out sitting here in the office since yesterday and this time, it has nothing to do with work!

our office is currently undergoing a minor renovation, or upgrading after 10 years of being in the same condition. it's a good thing to have this change, but what annoys me the most is:
a) packing stuff
b) moving the packed stuff
and most of all...
c) having to work with all the mess!!

i am a neat guy (most of the time haha), slightly a perfectionist and quite an organized individual. as much as i like changes, there are somethings i prefer to remain where they are for the sake of convenienvce. but all this moving around and messiness has gotten me confused and disoriented, stressing me out to the extent of hyperventilating (literally!) hahaha. i'm so lost that i don't even know whether to be angry, or cry, or take it as an excuse to play hookie! :p.

so in order to calm myself down, i decided to blog about this (writing is therapeutic..for me at least hehe) and walla...an impromptu entry! so, how messy is messy for me? look at the picture below:

CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOUR WORK STATION IS LIKE THIS?!! I MEAN, WHO IN THE RIGHT MIND WOULD BE ABLE TO WORK IN SUCH A MESS!!! (okay okay...i'm nagging like a woman now and i should stop hahahaha)..................WTH?!!! hahaha. btw, that's my workstation with the computer switched on and no i don't like coke, had to have it this time since there weren't any other drinks available to ease the hangover hahahahaha

Monday, May 18, 2009

tired and sleepy...

it's 6.33am on a monday and i haven't had a wink since i came to work on a sunday morning until now. feeling somewhat drowsy from the lack of sleep and i'm thinking of getting the day off once this project is done and passed to my GM before he leaves to someplace out of the country for his meeting and presentation.

unfortunately, my immediate boss isn't around and i can't really let our artist to be in charge of the department in the absence of my boss and me in case something came up...but geez...i'm tired...

i'm beginning to wonder...am i really a workaholic? i've been getting that remark quite often lately but i would just shrug it off in ignorance because basically my definition of a workaholic is someone who couldn't stand a day without being at his workstation haha. in my case, as much as i like to be at my desk, i don't go around looking for something to do just to kill the time, in fact...i'm just waiting for that opportunity when i can have that long awaited R&R. plainly speaking, i didn't choose to be busy all the time, they (everyone) chose me to be their miracle worker..someone who could deliver whatever they asked for. sometimes it's hard being an all rounder, not to mention smart (yeah yeah i know...self praise is no praise hahaha).

yeah, this is gonna be a short entry, only because my mind isn't working hahaha

morning and ciao peeps :)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

left or right brained...

got this from my email and i would have to agree, this is cool (in a childish kinda way hehe). Not really sure if it's an appropriate method to test one's I.Q though because i don't think i'm even close to being a genius hahaha.

Give this more than 30 seconds. Pretty Cool!!
There is an explanation below the photo.



a) If you see this lady turning in clockwise you are using your right brain.
b) If you see it the other way, you are using left brain
c) Some people do see both ways, but most people see it only one way. If you try to see it the other way and if you do see, your IQ is above 160 which is almost a genius. Then see if you can make her go one way and then the other by shifting the brain's current (like peanuts :p)

BOTH DIRECTIONS CAN BE SEEN
This was proved at Yale University, over a 5 year study on the human brain
and it's functions. Only 14% of the US population can see her move both ways.

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

cool isn't it? would be interested to know who else out there is ambidextrous. ciao :)

ps: see..told you peeps i was unique (as if) haha

confused hatred? :p

Hate, a strong word which describes one's emotion towards someone or something, denoting negative or ill-intentioned manners, thoughts and feelings. If we were to ask around every individual we meet and ask them what are the things they hate, we may discover that nearly everyone has something they would wish were never there in the first place.

but do we really understand what the word 'hate' means..what it actually connotes? If your answer is no, than you and i are in the same boat. I have yet to encounter anyone or anything i couldn't deal with :).

hate can be easily confused when you're angry, dissapointed, heartbroken, being lied to, used and played around. for example, we use the word hate, such as 'i hate you!' when we're angry at someone, but the fact is, we don't really mean it. the only reason we said it was because...it was the closest shortest word to describe how angry we are. we can't say 'i am really, really, really angry at you!' because by the time we get to the second 'really', the long sentence would sound idiotic haha.

like i said before, i don't know what hate is and hopefully i would never have to. i may dislike somethings but that doesn't mean i hate them. maybe, i just don't have it in me to hate anyone or anything, or maybe nothing significant has happened yet which could push me into having that negative emotion :).

Ciao peeps :P

ps: well..maybe i do have something that i hate. i HATE feeling weak :).

Saturday, May 16, 2009

decisions decisions....

man...i'm tired, and i really do need a long break. i'm not as busy as before (well, maybe i am..), but the feeling of being demotivated has been haunting me for quite sometime and frankly speaking, it is affecting my work performance.

nontheless, i've been professional enough in my work commitments. i do my best to complete every given task and try hard to ignore the fact that i need sometime out from the office all in the name of professionalism.

as i was browsing through my calender and diary, i realized that, i've only taken 2 days off from my annual leave and i have several more off days to clear. i'm not the kind of person who plans the holidays beforehand because in my line of work, anything can change. so basically, i can only do a last minute, spontaneous plan if i were to go on holiday.

sometimes i wonder, is it worth it to work myself to the bones? what would i get in return? am i satisfied with what i'm doing now? okay, i've said this before and i'm saying it again, i love my job and i love what i do...but it's so physically and mentally draining i wish i was doing something else. then again, i think every job in this world are more or less the same, there are always the pros and cons to everything. we can't have everything we want, and in the end, we tend to choose what we think is best for us.

now, making choices doesn't only apply to our working life...in fact, it applies to our daily norm from everyday strangers to relationships. but irregardless where it is applied, the fact remains that, making a choice or decision has its own certain degree of difficulty levels starting from easy to indecision hahaha. it's easy when we know what we want, it's difficult when we want more than what we should have or what we can handle and indecision comes in when we have no idea what we want but still wants to have everything (yeah, can't blame these kinda people though...they're only human, we're only humans :)).

there's a trick when it comes to decision making, for some cases, it's actually two pronged. the decisions we make doesn't affect or apply to ourselves only but also to the people around us, so be wise when deciding on something :).

there isn't a right or wrong when making a decision because, every decision we make are based on what we think and know is best for us. even when what we decided didn't turn out to be what we thought it would be like, don't complain and don't point fingers to anyone because at the end of the day, it was us who made the final choice...we just have to live with what we had decided and try to make it better overtime. ciao peeps :)..

ps: maybe i should call myself Dr. J...and drive everyone crazy with all these insensible ramblings hahaha. cheerio mates :p

Friday, May 15, 2009

VOTE FOR SIPADAN!

i bet most of you are a bit bored of reading about my selfish ludicrous thoughts on everything. so here's a change, instead of blogging about myself, i'm gonna blog about 'Voting Sipadan For The New Seven Wonders Of Nature!' (okay yeah, you got me...i don't know what else to blog about hahaha)

i believe most of us may have heard of it and being Malaysians, especially Sabahans, we are proud to be even listed in the poll because come on, the whole world is beginning to take note of our existence and we now have something great on par with the other countries to brag about! :P.

but what makes the Sipadan island different from the rest, i mean, it's an island in the middle of nowhere and just like any other stand alone islands, they're bound to be surrounded with amazing land and underwater scenery. so what's so special about Sipadan?

"I have seen other places like Sipadan, 45 years ago, but now no more. Now we have found an untouched piece of art" - Jacques Cousteau

Just in case any of you didn't know, Sipadan Island was nothing more than just an island, that is until Jacque Cousteaus filmed a documentary 'Ghost Of The Sea Turtles' which propelled the island to international fame. But due to the fame itself, the island suffered damages from the constant on land and underwater activities which triggered the government and other private bodies to take better precautionary (some drastic) measures in preventing the deterioration of the island, especially its marine life...and truth be told, after several years of abiding the rules and everyone's intrinsic need to protect the area rather than greed, Sipadan island is now close to regaining its once breathtaking beauty as it should be.

Compared to any known islands in the world, Sipadan is different due to it's geographical location which sits right at the heart of the Indo-Pacific basin where it is one of the world centre's richest marine habitats which supports more than 3,000 species of fish and hundreds of corals, which has been documented and classified in this ecosystem.

Now, for the voting part. I realize the voting process from the the main organizer (New7Wonders) can be quite a hassle. But don't fret, being the most active body in disseminating information and bringing awareness to everyone in this regard, Sabah Tourism has set up a website which has simpler voting procedure. so just click on this link 'Vote Sipadan' and do your part in gaining world recognition for Sipadan!

VOTE SIPADAN!!! :)

ps: do your part peeps and let the world know what we have! Ciao :).

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

when the stout speaks hehe

it was just couple of days ago when the stress finally caught up to me. i couldn't think of anything else but to relax and have everything out of my mind. so i figured 'hey, what the heck, maybe all i need are a few glasses of beer and everything would be fine' and off i went to a restaurant nearby my workplace for the beer therapy :p.

after few months of sporadic drinking opportunities, i realized it didn't take much for me to get tipsy...3 cans, was all that was needed to get my world spinning hahaha.

during the alone time, i reflected to the places i've been to and people i've met (or saw) and it seems that everyone has their own ways of appreciating and enjoying life. i remember going to a pub few weeks prior and there was this girl who was dancing as if trying to get everyone's attention to herself. normally i would think that she may be..you know..a slut, but on that particular time, i didn't see it that way. all i saw was a girl dancing her heart out oblivious to other people's opinions, she was just having fun as the way she knows it.

then it hit me, i've been to engrossed with seeing how things appear to be rather than what things are really like..and at that same moment, i was hit by a guilt of not really appreciating the things which chances by me and for not enjoying what life really means! i live in my own world, my comfort zone when i could be out there making a difference. i'm afraid of making mistakes (especially the same ones) that i resolved to be in my safe place where i am invincible from anything :). but my world isn't complete and never will be because, it evolves based on my own evolution, it expands based on the experiences i've gathered and right now, its on a halt. i haven't been feeding it with the necessary information for it to continue spinning, i need to be out there and gain as much experience as i can for it to continue evolving :).

after thinking about this and some other random stuff, it occurred to me...I WAS SUPPOSED TO RELAX MY MIND FROM HAVING ANY THOUGHTS, i mean, THE ONLY REASON I WAS DRINKING WAS BECAUSE I NEEDED TO GIVE MY MIND A BREAK!!! hahaha. then again, i am at my best alone..most of the time, my ponderings provides me with the best lessons in life....better than going through the actual experiences hehehe. ciao peeps :)

ps: this is bliss..am on my off day and having my second can
of guinness stout alone in my room :)

Monday, May 11, 2009

logic and emotion

had a chance to watch the movie STAR TREK the other night and one major reason i was keen in watching the movie is because of SPOCK. man, loved his character ever since i was a kid! and the guy who played the character nailed the part :). so, what is it which attracted me to SPOCK? Well...aside from he's an alien, i like his philosophies on logic and emotion :). why exactly do i like it...i'm not too sure myself, probably the following paragraphs could explain the reason...

I once said before that i'm a confused guy (always have been). I seem to question everything around me (in my head) even in the most simplest situations. Take the concept of right and wrong for example. Have you ever wondered what is right and what is wrong? who determines which one is which? and why is 'right' better than 'wrong'? Personally i think, the concept is still in the grey area. the conflicting definition or understanding in law, religion, societal and morality point of views has caused a rift in many individuals (myself included hehe) proving the concept to be more confusing time and time again.

As children, we were told not to play with fire lest we get burnt. Now, the right thing to do here is to listen and do what is told, and the wrong thing would be the other way around. but if doing the right thing means we would have to turn our backs on learning new experiences, so does it mean learning is wrong? hahaha....yeah, it took me several years to realize that, sometimes, doing the right things means going with your gut instinct because there are just some things which cannot be learned from any text books (life would be a lot simpler if it was all in black and white right? :P) but keep in mind, the gut instinct i'm referring to isn't the kind like a 6th sense, but instead, an instinct based on the accumulated facts gathered throughout years of experiences by observation or proven cases.

so, how exactly do i deal with all these questions and doubts? simple...i hold true to this simple saying 'ignorance is bliss' and let logic takes it's course. there will be moments when we can't make heads and tails of what we're feeling, we can't trust our instinct because we are too clouded with the current situation. but if we look deep enough, our logical side will present us with the solution and eventually clear the clouds of confusion :).

then again...we are only humans, and all humans are cursed with imperfections leading us to make some of the worst mistakes in life. but hey, we get stronger and wiser from it right?, talk about a blessing in disguise :).

ps: expect similar nonsense in future entries muahahaha