me ultimatum...

my whole day has been a complete suspense, the contemplation of doing the right thing has left my heart racing and my mind swirling with confusion..it feels a lot like breaking up with someone you really care about.

yeah, i decided to break the news to my boss regarding my decision to resign and pursue a better opportunity. i was feeling a bit drowsy from the anticipation of trying to catch her at a right time, i was lightheaded when i broke the news to her and now i feel like crying because i felt like i dissapointed someone (not that i could shed any tears anymore haha). the feeling sucked...terribly.

Me: Boss, can i have a talk with you for a while...
Boss: pasal apa? (what about?)
* maybe my action of shutting the door gave her a hint on what was about to be said*
Boss: ko mau resign? (you want to resign?)
*ignoring that remark *
Me: this is not easy for me to say, but i have an offer elsewhere...
* a moment of silence...*
Boss: hmm...where?
Me: *&^%$#..
* she then asked me the usual qustions when someone is leaving for another company, like, how much are they offering you? what is the position offered? etc etc...*
Boss: i'm the kind of person who wouldn't stop anyone if they were offered something better but...
*the long pause after the 'but' gave me an uncomfortable feeling...more like a note of dissapointment setting in...*
Boss: but...i would rather you stay with us. okay, what if the company is willing to counter offer you, would you take it?
*damn it...i was afraid of this. i just want this to be over with quickly..
Me: that depends, but frankly speaking...i am quite keen on taking up the offered job because i need a change of environment, something new..
Boss: yeah, but what if you were counter offered?
Me: that dependslah...but like i said, i'm going for a new experience *forcing a smile*
Boss: i enjoy working with you, i mean, your predecessor has her own strength which is writing, but you have the optimistic attitude to deal with whatever is thrown at you and that's what everyone likes about you.
Me: yeah, i guess :)
Boss: are you leaving because of me? sebab saya slalu marah-marah? (because i'm always being uptight?)
Me: No lah, if it was because of you...i would've left a long time ago *giggling at my own remark*. In fact, i had an enjoyable time working with you despite your temper because, as you know...i can ignore you whenever i want to *now laughing at my answer, which was followed by a giggle from my boss*. but despite my decision to leave, i would like to work here if an opportunity arises. our hotel is still different from the rest, everyone's like a family here...
* it wasn't easy when i first started working with her, i actually had a hard time dealing with all the requests and tantrums haha, but then...i've always known i wasn't a quitter so i stayed just to prove her wrong*.
Boss: okay, we'll talk about this some other time. Just be prepared to be counter offered...
Me: ok boss, but just so you know, i'm interested in the offer not because of the pay but because of the experience..the money is only secondary :) *which is true, because i know they can afford to do the counter offer, but i was really serious when i said i needed a new change of environment*

i felt apologetic, and i did apologize even when i know i'm not doing anything wrong. gosh..i really do need to lie down somewhere and clear my mind off. but hey, at least i got the burden off my shoulder, for the time being that is hahaha.

ps: everyone thought my decision to move was the right thing to do...in fact, most of the people in the hotel keeps saying stuff like 'i'm surprised you could stay this long' or 'about time you move on'. but to everyone out there...ignorance is bliss and optimism rules! :p