Ludicrous Rambling

'Hi Jeremy, so how are you faring with your new job at XXXX hotel. We have a vacancy as PR Manager and i was wondering if you're interested' read the text message from an unknown number.

'Hi, would you mind introducing yourself?', i replied, just being careful in my correspondence. The reply didn't come in the next 30mins, but i was kinda flattered when it did. it was a direct call from the Director of Sales & Marketing, and the best part is that i didn't even send out my resume to them.

'May i sleep on it for a couple of days, i can't rush into any decisions right now'

'sure, but don't sleep on it too long'

and i literally slept on it for 2 days, not really thinking about it. the offer sounded good, higher pay (should be more than what i'm getting), a promotion and close to my bachelor's pad. but that's just it, i wasn't inclined on taking up the post. if the offer came few months prior, maybe, just maybe i would've accepted it, but i just started at a new place and i have yet to learn the ropes and i'm not going to give up until i've proven myself..talk about an inflated ego hahaha. besides, i have a great boss and there are many things i can learn from her :).

anyhow, on another note...i'm kinda missing my buddies and mates in Kuching, been awhile since i last saw them. seems like they've finally 'matured' to being reliable people, including the bikers gang who actually hated my guts (i think) for being too blunt in my words and actions.

the bikers used to give me the 'i'm gonna get you someday' glance all the time, and i would retaliate with 'the hell you could' glance hahaha. i understand that i can be a sarcastic, blunt and a straigthtforward jerk some time (well okay, most of the time hahaha), and i don't do well with idiotic or unjustified threats.

there was this one time when i nearly crossed the line with them. in one of my speeches during our election period for the student body council (which i was forced to compete in), i was interrupted with annoying outbursts and laughter by the gang and i knew they were mocking me, but i just kept my cool. but the nervousness of being on stage combined with a bunch of fixated eyes which felt like they could bore a hole in my brain just by glaring wasn't doing much good, and i finally snapped at the gang like a teacher would to his students, 'if you guys dare, come up to this stage!', well okay, i said it in Malay 'kalau kamu semua berani, naik atas pentas lah!' (or something like it hahaha). the gang got quite, all eyes were fixated on them and i really thought i was gonna get it this time hahahaha. at the end of the election, i got the highest ballots (about 90% votes from all the students muahahaha) and was in the line to be the next student body council president only to become the vice president because of religion (which i don't really mind :P).

but in time, the bikers started hanging out with me (and i thought there may be an ulterior motive), got me to participate in the group activities (which i rarely do because i still like the privacy of my own home) and started opening up with their problems. unknowingly, i was actually helping them in whatever way i can (mostly in academics) and they were looking out for my back, so it was a win-win situation for both sides :).

as i went through their pictures in facebook, it seems like they have since discarded their bikers gang persona and being more open and approachable to new people. and i couldn't help but feel happy for them. man, i do miss them a lot :).

geez, i'm rambling like an old man aren't i? hahaha, the hell with it! ciao :P

a) being in one of the kompang troupes in my early semester (yes, i 'used' to know how to beat the kompang haha). man, i look young :)

b) I don't play the game, was just their manager for moral support (i think haha)

c) The batch who broke tradition, made a difference and became the role models for the juniors :)

d) the last hang out :)

anger...the only emotion i'm damn familiar with. i don't quite understand, but there seems to be a whole lot of anger welling up inside me and i don't know why. i've since learned to keep it in check, substituting it with sarcasm whenever i'm not around family, hoping that it wouldn't leak out in public. given a choice, i would pummel anyone without hesitation or self control but since i am still conscientious of my surroundings, i suppose it'll be kept subdued for the time being.

most of the time i wonder if there's a special place for someone like me to live in..a place where i can be all by myself without having the need to worry, care or think of anyone else, probably a separate dimension i can crawl into and get cut out from the rest of the world, void of all sounds and only to return when the need arises. depressing isn't it...but its not so much as depression, it feels kinda weird. the mood swings, sometimes the sudden irrational fears of meeting people, the unexplainable anger and all these leads to the personal solitary confinement. maybe i'm just tired of putting up a facade..the facade which is masked by the involuntary smile and laughter, maybe i desperately need to be left alone...pathetic isnt it :).

on the other hand, i kinda miss hanging out with friends and do some catching up, but not so much as everyday. probably once a month will do, a sustenance of some sort to the curious mind. geez, maybe there's no cure for my idiosyncrasy eh hahahaha.

Go figure....

ciao peeps...:D

last night was another one of the many nights i went drinking alone again (yeah i know it's pathetic, but hey..gimme a break will you haha). and as i was seating minding my own business and ignoring everyone who were entering the premise, i suddenly got a hug from behind. it was a friendly hug and a bit childish and i couldn't turn my head around to see who it was but i noticed there was a girl standing beside me, smiling slyly...a stranger and my mind went into hyper speed making calculations based on the height and strength of the hug and only one person came to mind, a pal who i seem to have forgotten. frankly speaking, i was a bit disappointed..wasn't exactly the person i was hoping for, but hey..it was still a hug hahaha.

"yo dude, what're you doing here?!" he asked...

"i should be asking you the same question" i replied with my usual laugh

"didn't expect to see you here and i missed you..been wanting to look you up" in a sudden change in tone of voice and i could tell he really did..

"hey well, what's the use of technology, a short text message would suffice" laughing trying to clear the gloom.

"i texted you on your birthday and you didn't reply, i thought you were too busy"

"what?!! that's like about 3months ago. grow up dude haha. but truth be told, i kinda forgot about you and everyone else..." smirking at my own reply. "so, is this the infamous girlfriend you've been telling me about?"

an exchange of awkward glances happened in a split second between them "noooo..she's just a friend, my senior in high school.."

"owh...", feeling a bit awkward for about a second there and then they took their seats putting me in the middle...

"so, you and your girlfriend are still together?" i asked

"yeah..more or less. we are having toubles, that's why i needed to speak to you. oh and you're still drinking here alone? you haven't change dude" he laughed

i smiled, and i knew where this was going. so we talked about all the shit he was going through, the stuff that has happened and finally, my advice to him was...

"dude, i've told you before didn't i. both of you are still young (literally in their early 20s), and there are a lot of room for changes. you're taking your relationship too seriously, you have to loosen up a little. you can't be controlling her, especially now she's in uni. let her do whatever she wants, as long as she doesn't overstep the boundries. you can't be telling her not to do this or that, let her enjoy life, she's in uni for heaven's sake..she needs to loosen up as well. all you can do is just support whatever she's doing, if you think she's doing something wrong then just tell her off but not in a condescending manner. at least if things didn't work out between the both of you, she would remember you as her loving and supporting ex"

"but what about the promises we made before she left? doesn't it mean anything to her?"

"geez dude, next time come up with a more realistic promises. you're not 15 or 17 year olds anymore.... grow up. honestly dude, the ball is in her court and she's on the winning side. all you can do now is just 'makan hati' (i have no idea how to translate that in english hahaha). if there is such a thing as a sacrifice in a relationship, this would be yours" smiling unconvincingly.

"you know what, i hate it when you tell me stuff like these"

"yeah, well...maybe you're just perverted cos you keep coming back for more", i thought but just gave him an approving smile instead..

i know that it's much easier said than done, heck, based on my track records of past relationships, i'm not even qualified to give out any advices hahaha. but i tell as how i see it, no sugar coating or any form of sweet words..just being my obnoxious self hahaha. but seriously, i would be left with guilt whenever i do give out these kinda stuff, not knowing whether my advices made sense or the thought that it may backfire can be quite disturbing...how's that for an ugly truth :)

Okay, some of you may not find this funny...but for those who are in the tourism and hospitality field would find this very amusing hahaha. Cheers peeps :)

Some holiday complaints submitted to Thomas Cook

> "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

> "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I oftenfound i needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

> "On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

> "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

> A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the> room.

> "The beach was too sandy. We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

> A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

> "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

> "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50)> from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

> "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

> "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England,we found out it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

> "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

> "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

> "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

> "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

> "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

> "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

> My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room, but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

Okay, some of you may not find this funny...but for those who are in the tourism and hospitality line would find this very amusing hahaha.

i'm not sure if the hiatus from blogging has done me any good, i'm still (literally) loss for words on what to say or how to end on what i may start. the fault is entirely mine though, and i don't think going for another long break from blogging would make any difference. maybe this is what they call a writers' block :p.

i could start an entry about my new job, but after a long thought, i figured that it's not much different from my old job. it's basically a love-hate relationship, i love my job yet i dislike the thought of waking up early in the morning for it hahaha. or i could blog about the happenings in my life, except that, i don't even know where to begin and what to tell. so far everyting has been great, i have yet to encounter anything bad (something which i couldn't handle), but despite all the good things, the smile and laughters, it feels like there's a dark spot within me which is somewhat eager to find the light or maybe...the other way around. confusing isn't it? well, tell me about it, i've been spending too much time alone that all the dormant incongruous thoughts are resurfacing..heck, but i'm not complaining...its these thoughts that have kept me entertained throughout my lack of social circle (of which i don't mind as well) hahaha.

but one scary thought came over me when i reflected on myself, i mean, if i couldn't be bothered much about the things around me and i can easily entertain myself regardless of anyone's presence...is there anything wrong with me? its a scary thought, maybe i am crazy...rationally crazy (is there even such word) hahaha.

Speaking of crazy, has anyone of you thought about what goes on in the head of mentally unstable people? it has always intrigued me on how their brain works. there was a time i tried to be close to them and just observe, hoping my eye contact could show me a glimpse of how their mind works. During my college years in Kuching, i had a part time job as a store assistant at a store similar to 7-11. Now, this brand has several branches around Kuching so i had a chance to move from one place to another. the job was mediocre, i mean...what do you expect, i was a STORE ASSISTANT hahaha, but what i looked forward to was the arrival of the city's 'crazies' - literally hahaha.

i managed to get close to three of these people, an old chinese guy, an old chinese woman and an old indian guy..and all of them smelt like like they slept in their own shit. even their hair was so dried up they actually stuck together and hardened- except for the chinese woman who looked quite normal, but she still smelled (yeah...think of gross, yucks.. haha). my first encounter was the crazy old woman, and it was my 2nd week on the job. she came into the store, seemingly normal, started picking up stuff and before i knew it, my colleague went to her and asked her to the leave the premise. she didn't though...she went straight to one of those waiting area in the store and just sat there...i didn't care though, i mean..she may be crazy but she's still human and besides, she was seated quitely minding her own business when suddenly she began shouting and started pointing her fingers to my collegues with a nasty glare (i think my colleague was initimidated by her) then suddenly she looked straight at me, made eye contact and all i did was smile...surprisingly, she mellowed down and moved her gaze to the floor. i then took her outside and told her (in my mixed broken chinese haha) that she's not supposed to go into the store. i wasn't sure if she understood me, but she then sat on the pavement hugging her knees. i went back in and looked at the items she picked up earlier, they were satchets of instant coffees. i smiled again, probably she wanted something to drink. picking up a styrofoam cup, i filled it with coffee and passed it to the woman. there wasn't any expression on her face though..no gratitude, no sinister look but just blank, which is something i'm quite familiar with.

she would then occasionally come to the store, but just stayed at the entrance (which only happens when i'm on duty, she would barge in when i'm not around hahaha) and i would get her something like a cup of coffee, ice cream, candies and some other small stuff just for the sake of it :). it wasn't long when i learned from the old timers in the area on what happened to her. apparently, she lost her family few years back from a tragic accident and she hasn't been the same ever since. i was glad to know of it, at least she was once normal...

what i learned from them is that, humans are quite fragile...even when losing their sanity, they are unconciously craving to be part of the society, to be treated with kindness and to be understood. they may lose sight of who they once was, but they're still human nonetheless...just remember that...

okay, went for a drink last night since today's gonna be a public holiday. mind you, i haven't been drinking as much as i used to nor have i been going out. i brought my camera along in case a photo opportunity arises for me to use in my line of work as an inspiration. so there i was at my usual waterhole, still in my office attire and all alone taking random pictures while being glanced at strangely by the crowd. the hell with what they thought of me, i couldn't care less...i mean, if they have something against a (good looking) guy drinking all by himself at the bar counter with a camera in his hand, just know that it takes more to be alone by choice rather than be a pretentious idiot who thinks being surrounded by people they barely know is a cool way of gaining fame hahaha.

nothing much was gained in the lone quality time, except for that one interesting brief episode which eventually hinted it was time for me to head home. here's the approximate re-enactment of the episode:

guy: ko sendiri kah?
me: ya...
guy: ko photographer kah?
me: bukan...
guy: sa rasa ko mimang photographer, sebab beberapa kali suda sa nampak ko ambik2 gambar sebelum ni...

yeah, that got me wondering...it has been quite a while since i last did any street photography myself...

me: yakah, ko silap urang tu, sa baru jak belajar bergambar ni...
guy: ndalah, sa tau ko tu...

*i think i gave him a disgusted smirk...

guy: ko ambik gambar kahwin kah? buli juga ko ambik gambar masa wedding sa nanti...
me: nda lah, kan sa bilang sa baru jak belajar bergambar. tapi kalau ko mau, sa buli tulung rekomen photographer lain lah...
guy: ko jangan rendah diri sana bah, sa tau ko buli tu jadi photographer..

*okaaayyy...i was in the mood to be alone, and i don't appreciate strangers making small talk with me...

me: sepa nama ko tu?
guy: wan
me: wan, ko celebrate raya kan? *had to ask, he looked like a Malay...
wan: ya, napa?
me: selamat menyambut bulan ramadhan *was hoping he would get the sarcasm and leave me alone...
wan: tenkiu...ko cinakah?
*damn it...how stupid can a person be...
me: bukanlah, campur. ermmmm...pa ko buat sini time bulan ramadhan?
*enter sarcasm again...
wan: tedalah juga, saja rilek2 sma kawan...
*with that remark, i kinda laughed...cos i realized i could be an ass with my next question...
me: rilek-rilek aa *laugh*, ermmm...brapa hari ko nda buli pi masjid lepas hari ni? *enter evil laugh*
wan: ishh, jan ko gitu bah (and joined in the laughter...idiot)

he started talking about stuff which i don't quite remember because i kinda blocked him out from my head..only after awhile was i kind enough to entertain him for abit...

me: sa mau balik suda lepas minuman sa abis ni..
wan: awal lagi bah, baru pukul 11 bah ni *while pointing to his wrist watch
me: tapi jam sa bilang masa untuk pulang suda *while pointing to the non-existent watch on my wrist

me: sa rasa kawan ko sna boring suda tu...*another hint for him to leave me alone
wan: ya kan..nanti sa datang balik
*klu ko nda datang pun nda apa...i thought to myself...

the moment he left, i quickly finished my drink and quitely left the bar hahaha.

when i got in my car, it suddenly dawned on me that....IT TOOK ME 4 LARGE BOTTLES OF BEER TO GET DRUNK hahahaha. gosh...i am getting old :)


life is good...ciao peeps :)