when ignorance rules oneself, the others will suffer. but as long as you're happy with it...the rest doesnt really matter for selfishness is the key to self preservation and contentment..
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 by
JerryInc, under
lyrics,
music
Just for the sake of updating this blog, i'm gonna leave you with this evergreen slow rock :)
WHEN I SEE YOU SMILE - BAD ENGLISH
Sometimes i wonder If i'd ever make it through Through this world Without having in you I just wouldn't have a clue Cause sometimes it seems Like this world's closing in on me And there's no way of breaking free And then i see you reach for me Sometimes i wanna give up Wanna give in I wanna quit the fight And then i see you baby And everything's alright Everything's alright When i see you smile I can face the world Oh you know i can do anything When i see you smile I see a ray of light Oh i see it shining Right through the rain When i see you smile Baby when i see you smile at me Oh yeah Baby there's nothing in this world that could ever do What the touch of your hand can do It's like nothing that i ever knew Hey And when the rain is falling I don't feel it Cause you're here with me now I wanna ask you baby It's all i¹ll ever need All i'll ever need When i see you smile I can face the world Oh you know i can do anything When i see you smile I see a ray of light Oh i see it shining Right through the rain When i see you smile baby Baby when i see you smile at me Sometimes i wanna give up I wanna give in I wanna quit the fight Then one look at you baby And everything's alright Hey everything's alright It's alright When i see you smile I can face the world Oh you know i can do anything When i see you smile I see a ray of light Oh i see it shining Right through the rain Yeah When i see you smile Yeah i can face the world Oh you know i can do anything now When i see you smile Oh yeah Baby when i see you smile Smile at me
man, 80's slow rock and ballads are still the best :). ciao peeps...
Monday, June 22, 2009 by
JerryInc, under
confusion,
dream
dreams, my way of escaping reality has been a big help for as long as i can remember. it's either an eye opener (rarely) or confusing (mostly) but regardless of which one is which, it's always pleasurable.
but my dreams hasn't been occuring as often as it used to or as it should be, or maybe i may have been dreaming but seem to have forgotten about it the moment reality weighed itself on me upon waking up :).
but last night, i had one of the weirdest dreams which had me refreshed and feeling good. i can't really recall what it was, but i do remember it as snippets of events... short glimpses of different events being woven into a dream, like a quilt made from different materials.
like i said, i couldn't make out what i dreamt about but the confusion sure feels damn good as if i am bound to experience nothing but good things in the near future :).
am rambling now aren't i, can't help it though...i FEEL DAMN GOOD! hahaha. ciao
Saturday, June 06, 2009 by
JerryInc, under
ramblings
a lot of good things has happened to me as of late and i couldn't help but count my blessings. for starters, i'll be working in a totally new environment come July (but sadly still in the hotel line haha) and frankly speaking, i'm looking forward to it..counting the days when i will be working with new people, making new friends, meeting new acquaintances and probably make a mark of my own in this close circuited field :).
but with this good news and new job, i was expecting something negative to counteract the positivism (there's no such thing as something 'good', it's like yin and yang, an antithesis) and after a short waiting period, it finally materialized hahaha. yeah, apparently i will be served for haven't been paying my study loans for these past few years..in other words i will be brought to court for my own irresponsibility hahaha. but you know what, i'm not even the least worried, maybe because i know that everything would turn out right. i may not be able to pay the amount at the designated time (which is by this monday hahaha), but i believe it could be settled through some kind of agreement or discussion without having to go through court (fingers crossed). but i'll only worry about that come this monday, which means i would need to make calls and stuff hahaha.
i think age is quickly catching up to me. i'm only in my late 20's but i already feel like i'm in my early 40's hahaha. i tried recalling my past memories in the couple of years, but try as i may, everything seems to be a blur like a dream. maybe it's the consequence of being ignorant all these while or maybe my brain activities are deteriorating more rapidly than expected :).
i've got a lot of things going on in my head but i just couldn't get hold of one single thought. it feels a lot like there's a bird fluttering inside trying to get out making everything a jumble with every flap of its wings :).
i tendered my resignation a few days ago, and the news of me leaving spread like wildfire after it was announced in the management morning briefing (which is quite an honor since only an upper management's resignation would be announced) and shared with the rest of the staff with access to the corporate email (which i rather they didn't because i had in-house calls nearly every 30 minutes, explaining to them why i was leaving. yeah, flattering but guilt stricken).
as mentioned earlier, i am really looking forward to the new challenges and this time, i would have more time for my friends..so wait for me peeps :). ciao...
ps: really really really gonna miss my old workplace...and i am loving life! :)
i couldn't exactly recall when was the last time i went for a drinking marathon, been too occupied with work this past few months which limited my alcohol consumption to once or twice every one or two weeks. which is good though, it actually helped alot in regards to my weight loss haha.
but for the past couple of days, i've been on a drinking spree with family and friends due to the long public holiday we are having and after all those booze and relaxation, it feels like i've been on a holiday for one whole month and i can't wait to get back to work because honestly speaking...i'm getting bored of not doing anything solid and being away from my desk feels like i'm missing out in something hahaha.
the long holiday was good, i mean i had a chance to reconnect with old friends and got to meet up with new acquaintances. i am so relaxed that, metaphorically speaking, my brain has been resetted and ready to accept new inputs and new ideas for improvement is pouring in like an unblocked dam flooding all those doubts and negativities into the dark abyss hahaha.
anyhow, just wanna share with you peeps how happy i am with my life right now. one of my cousins asked me 'aren't you tired of being single?' and my response was 'i am happy with where i am now, so no..i'm not'. which is true, i mean, everything is falling into place, i am heading towards my self contentment that i don't need any insignificant distractions to steer me away from my focus or drown me in insecurities, doubts or any of those menial emotional factors. yeah, i do miss having someone to be with me to share my good and bad times but...who needs a relationship when i can do that with my few good friends and family, right? hehe
okay...enough ramblings for now. gonna get ready for another drinking binge (yeah i know it's late but hey...there are places which opens until late haha). ciao peeps :)
ps: had a drunken discussion in one of our drinking session and one of the topics we touched on was on science. we had a debate on 'gyroscopic inertia' and i couldn't get it out off my head until today (partly because i have a thing with rotating objects hehe). damn it, i'm so curious to learn more that i've begun to read more on it and the worst part is...i'm was not even a science stream student! damn you physics!! hahaha. read up on it guys...quite an interesting concept :).
from swirling confusion to undescribable gratefulness, that's all i can say about what i'm feeling right now.
as of a few minutes ago, i realized my existence in this company wasn't for nothing at all...in fact, i am acknowledged by nearly everyone including the management but the most vital acknowledgement i received was from the GM and it flattered me to the point of being afraid to even make eye contact with him.
My boss had a chat with the rest of the upper management and after sharing with them what i had shared with her earlier this morning, the GM was opposed of my decision from resigning and even came up with few suggestions on making sure i don't leave the company/ brand on the grounds that he would've done the same if he was in my shoes :).
the few suggestions he proposed were: a) i should be transferred to other departments for experience but my boss were against it as she said my career path is in the line i'm in now. b) move to our sister property downtown, and still, my boss were against it as she knew i wouldn't be happy working with the head of department over there (yeah, she's a back stabbing spinster). c) let me take up the offer at the other hotel and call me back within 6 months time (yeah, i went like 'what?!!, isn't there a code of professionalism in this regards especially when it involves the same field?)
and the most flattering was: d) he actually asked my boss to give our sister property in KL a call (the area director or the head of a specific hotel) to fit me in.
which my boss did, and apparently the head of department for that sister hotel has a vacancy as her assistant had just left a couple of days ago. my boss asked me if i was interested to work there and i excitedly answered 'yes' but depending on how much i would be getting. i've stayed in that hotel, and i love the place...it's kinda small but it has a big potential of being the next best place to work at.
man, come to think of it...now i'm excited, more confused but just plain glad of how things turned out to be. sometimes, our potentials are only visible to other people and we need them to acknnowledge our capabilities for improvement :).
ps: i didn't know things could get a bit complicated...if i had known beforehand how much i'm worth, i would've done this a long time ago hahaha
my whole day has been a complete suspense, the contemplation of doing the right thing has left my heart racing and my mind swirling with confusion..it feels a lot like breaking up with someone you really care about.
yeah, i decided to break the news to my boss regarding my decision to resign and pursue a better opportunity. i was feeling a bit drowsy from the anticipation of trying to catch her at a right time, i was lightheaded when i broke the news to her and now i feel like crying because i felt like i dissapointed someone (not that i could shed any tears anymore haha). the feeling sucked...terribly.
Me: Boss, can i have a talk with you for a while... Boss: pasal apa? (what about?) * maybe my action of shutting the door gave her a hint on what was about to be said* Boss: ko mau resign? (you want to resign?) *ignoring that remark * Me: this is not easy for me to say, but i have an offer elsewhere... * a moment of silence...* Boss: hmm...where? Me: *&^%$#.. * she then asked me the usual qustions when someone is leaving for another company, like, how much are they offering you? what is the position offered? etc etc...* Boss: i'm the kind of person who wouldn't stop anyone if they were offered something better but... *the long pause after the 'but' gave me an uncomfortable feeling...more like a note of dissapointment setting in...* Boss: but...i would rather you stay with us. okay, what if the company is willing to counter offer you, would you take it? *damn it...i was afraid of this. i just want this to be over with quickly.. Me: that depends, but frankly speaking...i am quite keen on taking up the offered job because i need a change of environment, something new.. Boss: yeah, but what if you were counter offered? Me: that dependslah...but like i said, i'm going for a new experience *forcing a smile* Boss: i enjoy working with you, i mean, your predecessor has her own strength which is writing, but you have the optimistic attitude to deal with whatever is thrown at you and that's what everyone likes about you. Me: yeah, i guess :) Boss: are you leaving because of me? sebab saya slalu marah-marah? (because i'm always being uptight?) Me: No lah, if it was because of you...i would've left a long time ago *giggling at my own remark*. In fact, i had an enjoyable time working with you despite your temper because, as you know...i can ignore you whenever i want to *now laughing at my answer, which was followed by a giggle from my boss*. but despite my decision to leave, i would like to work here if an opportunity arises. our hotel is still different from the rest, everyone's like a family here... * it wasn't easy when i first started working with her, i actually had a hard time dealing with all the requests and tantrums haha, but then...i've always known i wasn't a quitter so i stayed just to prove her wrong*. Boss: okay, we'll talk about this some other time. Just be prepared to be counter offered... Me: ok boss, but just so you know, i'm interested in the offer not because of the pay but because of the experience..the money is only secondary :) *which is true, because i know they can afford to do the counter offer, but i was really serious when i said i needed a new change of environment*
i felt apologetic, and i did apologize even when i know i'm not doing anything wrong. gosh..i really do need to lie down somewhere and clear my mind off. but hey, at least i got the burden off my shoulder, for the time being that is hahaha.
ps: everyone thought my decision to move was the right thing to do...in fact, most of the people in the hotel keeps saying stuff like 'i'm surprised you could stay this long' or 'about time you move on'. but to everyone out there...ignorance is bliss and optimism rules! :p
Today is Wednesday the 27th of May, and (i believe) all Sabahans are looking forward to the weekends because in two days time, this 'Land Below The Wind' will be enjoying a festivity which is quite similar to the German Oktober Fest.
Every year in May is a festive month for the few indigenous tribes in Sabah, namely the Kadazan, Dusun, Rungus and Murut people. It is the month of appreciation for a bountiful paddy harvest with the main celebration commencing at the end of the month starting with a few paganistic traditional rituals and culminates with a state wide beauty pegeant also known as 'Unduk Ngadau'. *Please click here for more information.
now, i don't know much about the traditions and rituals as, frankly speaking,...i've never seen the actual or even participated in the event. come to think of it, i don't even celebrate the occasion (in a traditional sense) :). i'm one of those unfortunate few new generations who takes this opportunity at this time of year as an excuse to binge on alcohol and get wasted :).
i'm not quite proud of my ignorance because in the long run, if 70% of this state's population is as ignorant as i am, our unique cultures and traditions might be lost within a nick of time. but in this driven world of technology, science and rationality, tradition seems to to be corroded bit by bit without many of us realizing it and the dominating influence of religion are hindering the spiritual aspect of these traditions.
there's nothing much that can be done about this matter because we live in an ever changing world where nothing stays long enough to make a difference. all we can hope for is that more new generations would take interest in preserving our heritage thus assuring its continutiy for generations to come :).
