Saturday, June 28, 2008

hungover ramblings...

f***ing crap...went out drinking last night and it felt like it has been ages since i last did. everything went smoothly at first, and the next thing i knew...i was already on my couch with a can of beer on the table, don't even remember the journey back home hehehe...

i kinda knew going out with the group last night wouldn't be a good idea cos the moment i stepped into the place i was already feeling lonely and somewhat depressed, but i did..for one special reason, which i will keep it to myself :). i somehow knew what or how would i be in that state of mind when i do get drunk but ignored it completely thinking whatever happens, happens..something i learned from a certain someone :).

anyhow, am having a bad hangover right now and the last drink i remember drinking was a glass of stout which i think i didn't even finish hahaha. i dont think i drank that much, it's a wonder how i got to be drunk :P.

will update more later, gonna sleep off the throbbing in my head. i'm off this morning but will be working this evening...damn you monthly medals!! hehehe

ciao....i suddenly have the urge to apologize...i'm sorry for what i did.. wtf??!!!hahaha.

mood: craving for susu kacang sejuk hahaha

Thursday, June 26, 2008

after hours rambling :)

just finished entertaining my media for today and feeling a bit tired. we practically spent half the day at the beach taking shots with the sunset as our finale.

watching the sun set beyond the horizon, the clear lutescent sky with hues of azure was a temporary relief to the confusing turbulance i was experiencing within since this afternoon. i dunno why, but as the sun totally dissapeared from view leaving just trails of its afterglow, i began to wonder the beauty in everything and everyone...but only for a good few minutes because whatever i was thinking suddenly dissappeared the moment i returned to reality and realized that reality sucks! hehe...

frankly, being at the beach somewhat reminds me of that certain someone and i have no idea why, it's not like we spent most of our time at the beach...geez...and for a moment i did feel a bit melancholic, and the wish for everything to be the same as it was before overwhelmed the rationale and realistic side of me. i kinda learned the hard way that some things are just not meant to be no matter how right it feels because it takes two to make things work :).

anyhow, was thinking of going to the lobby lounge for a drink or two, but if i were to look back and reflect...that place holds a memory i dont think i will ever forget haha cos that's the place where it all started :). but you know what, maybe i can ignore that for the time being. i deserve to have a good time after a tiring day at work hahaha...

anyway, do listen the song by Luther Vandross titled 'I'd Rather' before signing off. look it up in my playlist and judge the song yourself. this is an example how a good song and great lyrics makes a hit (browse the lyrics yourself in the net hehehe) :).

time now is 9.58pm, so...Goodnight peeps and may you have the sweetest dreams tonight :)...


babblings of an idiot hehehe

been keeping myself busy for the past couple of days, but instead of complaining i'm actually having fun with what i'm doing :).

one thing about being occupied with work is that it gets your mind off stuff, stuffs that you can't afford to think about, depressing and sad things. but in doing so, other areas are affected as well such as having fun, being short, living life.

i'd love to say that i'm living a life, but the question to ponder on is..what kind of life? do i want to live a boring and dull life or do i want to go at it the other way around? i dunno, i'd love to go for the latter but come to think of it, is it necessary? my answer is...not really.

i am living a life, although not the one i wanted but the point is, i am living it up and working my way around on what is presented in front of me. most of the time it sucks, but if we are to look for the silver linings, even the little things would mean a lot. and that's what i'm doing now, finding that silver lining in everything i do and looking things half full. but if i were to keep up the optmisim, wouldn't i be living a lie by not acknowledging the real situation? wouldn't i be deceiving everyone by putting up a perky and positive self presentation? well, who knows right hehe.

sometimes living isn't about having fun or being happy all the time, living isnt about doing the things that we want. what living really means is knowing what life is all about, not only our own but each and everyone's, and experiencing every possible emotions we can conjure up. we don't have to do death defying activities to know that we're alive, we dont have to mingle around or chat up with anyone we meet up to prove our existence.

we can live the life we want to from someone else's eyes and experiences, although personal experiences are priceless but learning from other's experiences should be well worth it as well for what they can show us can be equally rewarding in many sense.

what am i babbling here!!?? hahaha. just another selfish insight from a reclusive hermit :)). owh and yess...just so you know, I LEFT MY BLOODY MOBILE AT HOME, how idiotic can someone be!! hahaha

ps: i haven't reached the point of being suicidal............ yet hahahaha

good afternoon peeps :)..

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

life and music...

imagine a world without sounds, music and colors...a world of only black and white with a touch of grey in between and a world where the only sounds that can be heard are the deafening static of silence. quite frightening isn't it? well, it makes us wonder what exactly the blind sees and deaf hears because if what they see and hear are exactly what i imagined, i haven't been thankful enough of what the Maker above has granted me..:).

Music has always been an integral part of my growing up and i couldn't imagine a world without music. being a geek and a loner during my younger days, i didn't have much to look forward to and my only trusted companions on these solitary times were my books, sketch book and definitely music.

i used to listen to different kind of tunes according to my mood swings; i would blast my radio with hard rock when i get pissed off, play the jazz or ballads when i feel calm or content, slow rock when i feel lonely and melancholic, and the classicals when i feel in need of inspiration :).

but even with my interest in music, i have no talent in singing or playing any musical instruments hahaha. i did sign up for a piano lesson earlier this year, but due to my work schedule i decided to let it go...but i might probably take it up again since a friend has offered to personally be my tutor (with a price of course hehe). though i've never heard her play before, but since she has been giving piano lessons for quite sometime i trust that she is good as they say, it's just a matter of time hehe :).

Happy moments...

man...what am babbling at this early morning? hehe. anywho...good morning peeps!! :)

Still - United Hillsong

isn't it amazing how songs can sometimes invoke hidden emotions or bring out memories? but i wont elaborate more on the why and how, i just wanna share with you one of the songs i used to listen to everyday when i wake up in the morning, when i'm alone in the room and before going to sleep at night..that is when i was still in Kuching studying :).

wasn't much of a church going person, and whenever the topic of religion came up the discussion would normally turn into a friendly debate with me being the only opposition standing to prove that everything can be explained. then again, i was just being a devil's advocate for their own good because sometimes people can be religiously fanatic to the point of demeaning other religion, and that i can't accept. to me, religion is something which makes every men and women to be a better person and thinking that their religion is better than the rest is nothing more like saying 'i'm better than you because i'm richer'...duh.

but even with the debates, and not being actively religious...i've always believed in Him. but believing isn't enough because i lack faith and i'm ashamed to admit it myself. because of that..i've done many stupid and silly things (until now) knowing full well the consequences of my own actions.

well, getting back to the song i was talking about, it never fails to give me some kind of unseen strength and motivation and at the same time...get the tears rolling down my cheeks whenever i sing it out loud. yeah, pathetic isn't it..but i just can't stop thinking and regretting about the things i've done whenever this song plays because deep down i know no matter how hard i try to change, i would be repeating the same mistakes again. well, after few years of not listening to it, i came across this song in the net and downloaded it into my playlist, and as i was singing along to the song i felt like crying and apologizing hahaha, probably it's just me..because i'm just strange hehe.

anyhow, the song i was talking about is called 'Still' by Hillsong United (they have other good songs as well...lots of them hehehe). Look through my playlist and try singing along to it, you would either love it or ignore it :).

Still - Hillsong United
Words and Music by Reuben Morgan
Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust
ciao peeps and may God Bless...goodnite...

Sunday, June 22, 2008

sunday going on to monday :)...

woke up quite early this morning and didn't really sleep well, i couldn't help thinking that there's something i should do in the office before coming to work tomorrow. by 9am i was already awake and making calls to be certain all necessary arrangements has been made, but just to make sure i had my colleague who was working over the weekend to run through my personal planner/diary for anything i might have missed out...anyway, everything is all good and i wasted a good sleep for nothing hehe.

looked at the Euro2008 result for the latest match and found out that Holland lost to Russia 1-3....1-3!! i bet most people would've put their money on Holland as they appeared to be the strongest team in the Group C match. probably they should've changed their game line up of 4-2-3-1 after using it in every game hahaha. but anyhow, it's not my place to comment on the game...i didn't even watch it and i don't even play soccer hahaha, at least i didn't bet RM200 on the losing team hahahaha...ehem ehem (sepa makan cili dia rasa pedas aaa...hahaha).

so the rest of the time all i did was browsing through the available songs for my playlist and it occurred to me Keith Urban has some good shit (pardon the pun hehe) in his albums. i like country music but i dont spend as much time listening to it as i should have. the one thing that i like about this genre is that..the lyrics are always straight to the point and the music actually gets to you me conservative but hey, the heck i care :)

amidst the song browsing, i chanced upon a song by Chris Daughtry (he's practically in a band, and he named his band after about vanity hehehe) and LIVE.'s been a long time since i heard of the band and the first time i listened to their album was back in 1994, but then they were already out with their second album entitled 'Throwing Copper'. when i heard Daughtry sing for the first time, he reminded me alot of LIVE band's lead vocalist, Ed Kowalczyk (and Ed Kowalczk sounds alot like Michael Stripe of the band opinion lah, but dont get me wrong..i'm not into R.E.M hehe). so it was kinda exciting listening to him sing a song with one of the best 90's band ever hahaha. you can listen to their song in my playlist called 'Mystery' by LIVE featuring Chris Daughtry.

well, am feeling somewhat hungry now..gonna have my brunch in a short while :). ciao peeps..and oh, buenas dias people :)..

man...i am smart muahahaha (vanity in action :P)

it's 4am and i'm still wide awake. practically slept the whole day through as i was literally working full day yesterday whence i should be at home by 1pm...stupid site inspection hahaha.

anyhow, i was supposed to join this group of silly people hahaha (mesh, arteo, gidong and jr) for the Jazz festival (love jazz, one of my favorite music genre) held at 1Borneo but due to the lack of sleep from hanging out with the same group last night (in exception of Gdong) and a full day at work, i can barely open up my eyes the moment i plopped onto the bed hahaha (yeah i's my lost sheeshh..). didn't sleep long though, had about 4.5 hours of nap and woke up at about 10pm, would've called up of my friends for the evening's plan but decided otherwise :). so i was homebound the rest of the evening watching my anime and few Japanese movies and drama until i got bored hahaha.

since i couldn't sleep, i decided to watch the euro game but 10minutes after it started i got bored (my bet is still with Holand hahaha) and i was back in front of the PC wondering what else to do on the net :). after much thinking and going through my emails, i tried out the tickle super I.Q test (just felt like being smart once in a while hehehe), took me approximately 45mins to complete all the questions and the verdict is:

jeng jeng jeng.....

Jeremy, your IQ score is 131

Your IQ score is 131. This means that you are smarter than 98.0% of all other Super IQ test takers. (cool eh hehehe)

The way you think about things makes you a Conceptual Synthesizer. This means you easily grasp underlying concepts when learning something new. You're also able to see complex relationships between ideas that are not always apparent to other people. You're very focused in your approach to life and are not easily distracted.

hmm..whatever that means, but what is relatively accurate from this result is this:

Your test results indicate that the way you process information makes you a Conceptual Synthesizer.

You are very skilled at divining the real truth in any situation. You can easily read between the lines (i especially like this hehe) and understand exactly what's going on. When learning something new, you easily grasp the underlying concept. You absorb the basic content, filter out the unimportant information, and then focus on what really matters. You never get distracted by tangential points or irrelevant facts.

This acute focus makes you very adept at filtering out the 'noise'. Most people are not capable in this way — they focus on the specific words or numbers being used and can get bogged down. Your mind is less likely to pick up particular vocabulary words or remember mathematical equations, but you understand the essential gist of any situation.

Here's an example of your Conceptual Synthesizer thinking skills at work in a real-life situation:

You are out with a group of people who are talking about a book that you've not read. They are exploring details about the plot, and discussing the elegance of the writing. What you hear loud and clear are the main themes of the story (the romance, the influence of the grandfather, and the predominance of food). At the end of the discussion you tell them you can guess how the book ends, and it turns out, you are right! This is because you were able to pick up on the most important information from their talk as well as glean the general mood of the book and these insights led you to your conclusion. Thank goodness you think the way you do! (basically this is quite accurate, one of the reasons why i get bored easily hehehe).

in summary, out of the 100points, i scored:
99 for my organizational, spatial, mechanical and visual abilities

a) Your organizational ability score is 99 out of 100. Organizational ability is what allows you to organize and arrange information effectively, be precise, and proofread carefully.

b) You scored 99 out of 100. You use spatial ability to judge the relationship between objects and physical space, like a parked car and the width of the road. It is also what helps you visualize a room when you are decorating or rearranging furniture.

c) You scored 99 out of 100. Mechanical ability is what helps you understand how machines and tools work. Someone with a good amount of mechanical ability probably has an innate understanding of physics. High mechanical skill is also associated with a high degree of precision and practical thinking.

d) Your score is 99 out of 100. Visual ability allows you to accurately visualize all aspects of an object for the purposes of recreating it, the way painters do. It's also what you use to imagine a scene from a novel or a story someone tells you — the ability to accurately reproduce reality in the mind's eye.

95 for my logical ability
= Your scored 95 out of 100. Logical ability is what you use when determining whether or not something makes sense. You rely on logic when analyzing an argument, step-by-step. This ability also contributes to your aptitude for recognizing underlying patterns.

Compared with others, your logical ability is very high. This means that you are an extremely logical person.

93 for my abstract reasoning ability
= Your score is 93 out of 100. With abstract reasoning you can think on multiple levels and see relationships between ideas that are not easily apparent. When you're using your abstract reasoning skills, you draw on both external logical and creative sources of information to come up with your solution.

Compared with others, your abstract ability is very high. This means that you have a very strong abstract ability.

62 for my verbal ability (which is quite unfair as i think i should score higher in this field...)
= Your verbal ability score is 62 out of 100. Verbal ability means having an expansive range of vocabulary, being able to use it, and feeling a desire to add to it. It is also what allows you to comprehend the relationships and subtle difference between words.

Compared with others, your verbal ability is high. This means that you have a strong verbal ability.

62 for my numerical ability (justified hahaha..tolda you am not good with numbers :p)
= You scored 62 out of 100. You use numerical ability when you spot a numerical pattern or solve a numerical equation.

Compared with others, your numerical ability is high. This means that you process numbers easily (easily your a**!! math is one of my weakest subject you idiot!! hehehe) cool is this? hehehe..anyhow, it's almost 5am and i should be getting to bed right now. goodnight peeps, may you have the sweetest dreams :)...

ciao peeps :)

Saturday, June 21, 2008

the eyes..window to the soul..

one thing i like when looking at humans are their eyes, i dunno may say it's some kind of a fetish (non-sexual hehe). to me, the eyes are truly the window to a person's soul...

that's one major reason why i dont really like going to crowded places, when i'm being surrounded by people, my initial reaction would be trying to catch a person's eye without getting any attention. and with lots of eyes around, it's kinda hard to focus on one single person and as more people start gathering, your brain would feel like it would implode any moment hahaha. if you can't imagine what i'm trying to say then try imagining this: picture yourself in a room with a lot of noisy people and try to catch everyone's conversations at the same time..difficult isn't it :)

on the surface, the eyes can project what another person is feeling or thinking. admiration, love, hate, disgust, jealousy and so on, and no matter how hard they try to cover up what they truly feel or think through their actions, the eyes always gives away the truth :).

but to some people, the art of reading people or figuring the essence of a person are taken to a higher level. they can tell what a person is like, their secrets and the lies just by looking into the eyes and those who has mastered this skill are experts at using their own eyes to send messages subliminally either to entice, flirt or hinder another person.

Looking at you...

maybe only geeks like me would do stuff like this right? irrelevant and incongruent hahaha..morning peeps and do have an enjoyable weekend ahead :)..


Friday, June 20, 2008

rusted maths? hehe boss gave me a simple math question to solve, and being the good employee as i am, i accepted the question without hesitation.

one thing about me is that, am not really good when it comes to numbers but not too bad either. but after being away from it for a few years now my mind has become a little rusty (then again, my brain is always rusted when it comes to numbers hahaha). anyhow, the question given was, if;

33 litres = RM 90, and 33 litres = 147km, how much is it per litre/km?

so after much thinking, this was what i came up with:

33 litres=RM90
=> 1 litre = RM90\33
=> 1 litre = RM 2.73
solved #

33 litres = 147km
=> 1 km = 33/147
=> 1km = 0.22litters

so basically:

1 litre = RM 2.73
1km = 0.22
=>RM 2.73 x 0.22
=> RM 0.60 per litre/km

**this simple task took me about 15mins to answer...

simplified version:

33 litters = RM 90 = 147km
=> 1km = RM 90/147
=> 1km = RM 0.61

waddya know, with a calculation such as this a margin of .01 should be acceptable right? hehehe.

but what i'm trying to show here is that this is how my mind works. instead of going for the simplified version, i would go the long way trying to find the answers to the questions laid in front of me. it's not a matter of getting to the solution but more to looking at everything individually and trying to figure out what can be done hahaha. probably that explains why i am in the field i am now hehe..

but if there are any mistakes in the calculation, do correct me. would very much appreciate the lesson hahaha...

man, good thing i dont work with numbers or else it would be a disaster. yeah, i know..i'm not smarter than a 5th Grader hahaha. ciao...:)

light hearted entry...

i had a good time at work today. i didn't actually do anything fun or remotely close to it, and it wasn't exactly about what i did, but more to what i havent been doing.

when i first joined the company, i may i put it..a sanguine, playful, optmistic, care-free kinda guy. everyone would always catch me with a smile on my face and i was interacting with everyone at all levels. i didn't quite care whether they're my subordinates or the big bossess, i treated everyone more or less the same, i treated them the same way i would want them to treat me which is as a friend, a colleague and definitely with respect :).

Within no time, the once feared and seemingly dead department was suddenly buzzing with people from other departments with various requests, something which should've happened a long time ago to avoid unnecessary enquiries related to quality maintenence. For your information, everything which involves anything with the company's image, from words usage, items, images and other collaterals has to go through our department, but prior to my joining, no one really wanted to ubmit their requests for proof reading or consultation and no one really knows why (though i have some idea hehe). what i wanted to say is that..i actually made a change in my department and to everyone around :).

anyhow, along the way i got caught up with my own personal demons and somehow got off tracked from my goals and from who i am. i can't blame what happened to me at anyone else and obviously, the fault is solely on me...but as i've mentioned earlier in my previous post, things are definitely looking up for me now and i'm gradually becoming the person whom i was before. i've been coming to work with a smile on my face, i've started mingling around with everyone else and my work efficiency is..improving hehehe.

i'm not saying i'm totally over with my own demons, but i am dealing with it the best way i know how and after nearly a year (well, sort of..time passess by quickly doesnt it hehe) i'm finally getting to know how to deal with it hahaha (hey..waddya expect, i'm an innocent guy hahaha).

well...i am quite happy with how things are right now, although things could be better, but hey..beggars can't be choosers right hahaha.

i've stopped searching and waiting cos what's lost has been found and what was waited has appeared so..everything is good hehehe.

enjoy your weekend peeps, no one else deserve a happy time but yourselves :). ciao...

the Tomato Story...

You Will Know What Is Better When It Comes To Earning Money

Tomato Story

A Jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
'You are employed' he said. Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.
The man replied 'But I don't have a computer, neither an email'.
'I'm sorry', said the HR manager. If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job.'

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email.
The man replied,'I don't have an email.'
The broker answered curiously, 'You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!' The man thought for a while and replied, 'Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!'

Moral of the story

Moral 1
Internet is not the solution to your life.

Moral 2
If you don't have Internet, but work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Moral 3
If you received this message by email,
you are closer to being an office boy/girl, than a millionaire..........

cool eh peeps :)...morning everyone..

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

confusing entry??...

it would be midnight soon but i'm still unable to shut my eyes and transport myself to dreamland. i think i know why, cos i haven't had the chance to do what i would normally do before going to bed every night (hey, i wasn't implying anything obscene okay hahaha :)). i dunno whether i should do it because i'm not sure whether it's needed. anyhow..from how it has been going lately, probably what i needed to do isn't as important to anyone else but to myself alone.

the same thing happened to me last night, but i decided to do it and felt quite good after that :)..but tonight, am not really sure cos i'm having my doubts.

on another note, there were times when i wished things were a lot different than it is now. i've wondered where would i be or what would i be doing or thinking right now if things had remained the same on my side. i've always wondered how it would be like if i had trusted my instincts not to do the things i did which had put me in this mess and confusion.

i kept thinking and contemplating when i finally realized that, if i hadn't done the things i did, i would've been missing or lost the greatest thing that has ever happened to my 20++yrs of my life, so in a way, there aren't any regrets and if one day (although quite slim) i had a chance to do it all over again, i would without any second thoughts :), but for now, i'll just sit back and relax until that time or opportunity comes again.

sometimes being wise isn't about doing all the right things, heck..wisdom comes from a series of mistakes we commit within our lifetime and learning from it, and sometimes, doing the unwise things can ultimately lead us to the answers we have been searching for.

then again, wisdom are nothing more than words or thoughts of people who think they are right all the time, people who has taken the first plunge and lived to tell their side of the story. but what they don't realize is that, the first plunge can sometimes be ugly and scary but after doing it several times it'll be like a walk in the park with an added bonus of being able to anticipate what will appear next..and these are the people whom we should listen to, the people who lived through it over and over again.

man..wat am i rambling here? must be the effect of the full moon hehehehe. am darn sleepy right now so good night peeps :)..

ps: being wise and ignorant= rationale and strong...

points to ponder...

Morning's something i found in the net to cheer up your Wednesday morning :)..enjoy

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have..

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expects them to!

cool isn't it hehehe...ohaiyo gozaimasu minnasai... :)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

bore, bored, boring, boredom...

i didn't have any mood to work today and i was bored to the max. since my boss wasn't in today and i really felt like slacking off i decided to watch animes instead hahahaha. yeah, you heard me right....i was watching anime in the office, most of the hours (and surfing the net)!! hahaha..

man..anyways..don't really have much stuff to do though and i hate doing follow ups..might be leaving home on the dot today hehehe..

ciao peeps :p..

unpublished...just photos and captions :)

Last Saturday 14/06/08

when friends get together...
where laughter and frowns collide...
when a smile means something...

when the hunter becomes the hunted...

the eyes..the window to every soul...

Last Sunday 15/06/08

The people of STB: Daniel R. and Diana G.

The Faces of Sri Pelancongan: Melissa L, Yolanda G, Melissa C & Christina

The heroes and emotives...

And lastly...the idiots - Sebastian, Mark, Rita and Caroline muahahaha...kidding aa kawan-kawan hehe
ciao peeps..

Monday, June 16, 2008

monday morning rambling

see, my mind is running on auto mode again..the moment i woke up this morning which was at 6am hahaha, i had this song playing in my head...darn it :P.

Still - Lionel Richie
lady, morning's just a moment away
and i'm without you once again
you laughed at me,
you sayed you never needed me
i wonder if you need me now?

so many dreams that flew away
so many words we didn't say
two people lost in a storm
where did we go?
where'd we go?
lost but never found
you know we let each other down
but then most of all-
i do love you-

we played the games that people play
we made our mistakes along the way
somehow i know deep in my heart
you needed me
cause i needed you so desparately!
we were to blind to see
but then the most of all
i do love you-
still !

i tried searching for the song in the net for my playlist, but instead i stumbled on another song of the same title by Brian McKnight. sadly, i couldn't find the Lionel Richie version :(. either way you look at it, both songs conveys more or less the same message. listen more to this song in my playlist peeps :)

Still- Brian McKnight
Funny when you stop and think
times goes faster then you blink
nothings ever like it was
but girl we've got a special thing
all the happiness it brings
is more than enough

I know its hard to believe
your still the biggest part of me
all I'm living for
I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I'm still mad about you
all I ever wanted was you
your still the one [2x]

It's hard to breathe when were apart
your like sunshine in my heart
I keep you here inside
you've been everything to me
you've been and always will be
the apple of my eye

And I know its hard to believe
your still the biggest part of me
all I'm living for
I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I still mad about you
all i ever wanted was you
your still the one [2x]

If you love me
look into my eyes and say you do
I've been waiting all my life
for someone just like you
baby all that we've been through
girl im still in love with you
and I want you to know I do, I do

I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I'm still mad about you
all I ever wanted was you
your still the one [2x]

happy monday conjunction with the monday blues today, do enjoy these two songs i've just posted hehehe.. ciao :P..

Sunday, June 15, 2008

clarity from 5 hours of nap :)

this time i had a 5 hours afternoon nap from 2pm until 7pm and i would've probably slept the night through if i wasn't woken up for the Father's Day dinner with my family. the moment i woke up, i felt at peace.. an indescribable feeling of calmness as if the crashing waves has ceased to create havoc and confusion from within, this may probably be temporary but i do hope the moment of clarity this time would last.

i think i'm back on track on my career path, just waiting for the opportunity to be one level above than i am now. my own demons and stupidity has pulled me back from my initial goals and i intend to change everything back the way it was before :). i've been spending time sulking and complaining of my own worth and everything around me that i failed to realize all the available options i held back thinking preserverence would probably win the things i wanted. anyhow, tables have turned and i'm now back on my own two feet. no more relying on anybody, at least, if anything does go wrong..i have no one else to blame but myself :).

things are looking up to me now, seems that good prospects are right ahead in terms of relationship and some other stuff. maybe it is true...when a door closes another window opens, and it is only up to us to decide whether to grab the chance or just let it go...think wisely and the right choice will definitely come up :).

good night heading to bed early again tonight, hmm..maybe i am getting old hahaha.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

ramblings after 7 hours of nap hehe

i learned one new thing today, that emotions are contagious because someone else's feelings can affect your own...and after all these while i thought that i couldn't be bothered with it...

had a good few hours sleep since this afternoon after coming home from work and a solo shenanigan at a pub last night didn't leave me with a hangover which is quite good or else i won't be able to work well today hehe. restful as my nap was, my dreams were somewhat undesiring. i dreamt i lost my necklace and my ring haha, sounds insignificant right? and i dreamt of the past events in my life but somewhat blurred and tainted with stout hahaha.

went to a funeral today..and i thought i was there for emotional support to a friend (which wasn't needed) and to a colleague whose brother had just passed. but as i sat there looking at the others crying, looking at all the siblings shedding tears..i couldn't help myself but feel the pain or whatever they're feeling from a distance. it sucked alot...i've been generally empathic with everything around me lately and i knew i shouldn't have come to the funeral, then again...i'm probably not self centered as i thought i was :P.

anyhow..had a good time before going to the funeral. we had the MAH (Malaysian Association of Hotels, Sabah Chapter) Rafting Competition and just like last year, our hotel won the race hehehe. wouldn't be there if my boss didn't ask me to take photos of the event and i would be taking morephotos tomorrow for the Dragon Boat race again...damn...

good night peeps..

Friday, June 13, 2008

arrrghhh..just being dramatic here hehe

Had a chance to try out the German French dining at Gunther's last night (yeah Mel, finally went there and the article you wrote in the magazine about the place and food are pretty much accurate..especially the food hehehe) and my personal opinion of the was fabulous and deliciously satiating! i do regret not bringing my camera along though or else i would've taken some food shots and share with you what i had hehehe. but one thing i like the most about the place are the sausages, man..i have never tasted any good sausages before here in KK!!

there isn't much to say about the establishment though as i find the exterior a bit too crowded and the interior feels somewhat confining hehe, then again, what more can be expected from a residential house partly converted into a restaurant :p. point in going much into the details as i dont have any pictures to support my claims hehehe, but do believe me when i say that the food is great :).

was thinking about having a restful sleep as i didn't get enough the day before, but invitations from my separate group of friends kept me awake and i was left contemplating which group to join for an enjoyable night hehe.

the first invitation was to have a leisurely drink at my soon to be relative's newly completed house in Penampang and the second invitation was more or less the same except it's in Hunter's bar. basically, i was torn between which group to i weighed my options. if i were to join the group at Hunter's, i would've to drive home all the way intoxicated and i dont think i wanna do that...but at the same time, i'd like to spend some quality time with the group. and if i were to drink in Penampang, i would be with my old group whom i used to hang out with for the past 6 years and they've always known that i much prefer drinking in a house where there's an available place to crash in case i do get drunk i contemplated, considered and finally decided to drink in Penampang, hey..i have a place to crash and i dont have to drive home okay!! hehehe...(sorilah mesh, jr, gidong hehe)

we started drinking slightly after 10.30pm, and i thought of having a good rest before 12am..but the long talks and drinking kept us awake until 3 am hahaha, and frankly i am jotting this entry i can really feel my head throb hahaha, Chivas and beers really doesn't mix well harharhar...

anyway...a correspondence last night kept me thinking until running away your reason to start over and re-invent yourself or are you really thinking about what's good for everybody? then again...the only reason why people run away from their problems is only because they couldn't find the right solution to deal with them..right peeps? hehehe

mood: head throbbing, confused and feels alot like i've been run over by a 10 ton truck..go figure hahaha

Thursday, June 12, 2008


Death, a word and an event which either strikes fear in our hearts of not knowing what it really means or tranquility of anticipating the afterlife with open arms. Should death be feared? should death be condemn for the lost of loved ones?...

it's a cycle of life, a karmic retribution. when one person dies, another is born and death is certainly inevitable. it is neither black, white nor is neither good or evil yet to some, it strikes fear and hatred instead of looking at it as an end to all the pain and suffering,

hate them not, for they are here to ease the transition to the chosen happy to know that death is with them throughout their ethereal journey..


Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:Only remember me; you understandIt will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

by Christina Rossetti (1830-1894)

may His Soul Rest in Peace...

'Please find my sister..'

Blogging is not only a mean to jot down our thoughts into words, but it's also a medium of communication with the other bloggers. well, just in case you haven't realised yet, blogging has shaped both the advertising and marketing world due to it's limitless exposure in the world wide web.

what would you do if one day, one of your loved ones or family members suddenly dissapeared and relying on the authorities would be time consuming, who would you turn for the extra help? so, in light of this...i would like to take this chance to beseech every bloggers out there to help a fellow blogger in search of his missing sister, put yourself in his shoes and imagine what it would be like if it were really to happen to you...

... make a difference and change lives by doing your part in spreading the word..

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

darn it...

my supposed hookie didn't materialize due to the errands i was running. by the time i was done it was already half past four and based on experience, the traffic will hit soon so i decided to head straight home..

no prob though...i can still catch the movies i missed tonight..and if my mood to watch the movies suddenly changed, i might go for a drink at my usual hangout hehehe, been quite sometime since i had a drink alone :P..


afternoon hookie...

not exactly in the mood to work today..might probably play hookie this afternoon and head to Cathay Cineplax later. been missing out some good movies lately such as Narnia, Kung Fu Panda and Indiana Jones.

anyways, i'll do my movie review later if i'm ever in the mood :). ciao peeps and you have a good week ahead...

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Tagged by SmallVille

Since i have nothing better to do, here's my part of the tag:

Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

Question Removed: Question No 7. What are you afraid to lose the most?

1. At what age do you wish to marry
does it matter? if it happens, it happens...

2. Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
Either Japan, Egypt or Machu Piccu in Peru..

3. What's your favorite thing to do?
Reading and nowadays sulking muahaha

4. Do you think money can buy happiness?
Yep, depending on who, how and what hehe

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
To be filthy rich (note on the word filthy hehe)

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
only idiots would say yes or those who are stranded on an island :). come on lah, even the dead needs money!!

7. Do you really know yourself?
Who knows...

8. What is your current mood?
Confused, numb and speechless :)

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
A definite yes!!

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you?
SV- has always been the quite type, only recently i think did he became more chatty hehe, socialable and i'll let him fill in the other one hahaha

11. What are the requirements that you wish from the other half?
owh gosh..dont remind me..what better half?

12. What type of person do you hate the most?
i dont hate..i just dislike so this question doesn't apply to me..

13. What is your ambition? just going with the flow..

14. If you can teleport once, where would you go?
only once? i might probably save it for something important...

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life? important thing or person? important thing would be my solitude hehe

16. Do fix a broken heart or let Time heal the Pain?
Fix a broken heart...then again, does it make any difference? :)

17. If you have a chance, which character or person in this world would you like to be?
the rich and anonymous :)

18. What is your idea of relaxation?
a place where there are no one around...

19. What are your habits?
bad ones or good ones? be specific...

20. If one day you couldn't do the things that you are used to doing now anymore, how would you feel?
hmm...the only reason i wouldn't be doing what i'm doing now is is because i'm dead :)

okay...the tag ends here on my side. been telling you peeps i dont go for tags :P...

ciao and goodnight...just leaving the office after a full day's work...

ramblings of some sort...

didn't sleep well again last night...i was tossing and turning and my 5 hours of sleep felt alot like 5mins of nap. could probably because of the cold, or probably i had something else in mind..but either way, it affected my beauty sleep :p.

am not really sure whether i should be glad or sad with the ultimatum of one the things which has been bugging me. maybe i should be glad because i have 1 less matter to think about, but having settled and lost that has made me feel empty once again..anyhow, am not gonna be too hard on myself this time :), like they's loss is another's gain.

been walking around the whole day today and i was gonna complain of how tired i am..but after giving it pinch of optimism i realized that i need to do more than walking if i were to lose weight haha. yeah...i have regained the weight i lost all these while, i am now at 83 kg and it wouldn't take long for me to get back to 87kg muahahaha..then again, i lose weight as fast as i gained it so am not really worried about it :).

i think as of last night..i seem to not be able to feel anything. all i did today was laugh at everything and anything and i had this smile pasted on my face whether i want to or not. hmm..probably that's just my defense mechanism kicking in neutralizing anything good or bad i'm feeling hahaha.

i might be moving back to Sepanggar soon or the latest by end of this month, and with that, i might not be able to update my blog as often as i would have and i wouldn't be going out as often as well (not that i have a problem with any of it) hehehe. sometimes being alone is just the remedy for someone like me :P. in a way, i feel like the knowledge and insights of i once ignored and lost is somewhat coming back to's hard to put it into words, but it feels alot like having my mind being flooded with all the craps i used to have..even the ones that i thought i've lost is rushing to have a slot in my brain hahaha, metaphorically speaking, i'm a psychic who has regained the ability which has been lost for quite sometime hehehehe..(well...i could be, who knows right :p). hungry and crankiness is kicking in. either i get some food or someone will get their head bitten off, but wait..since i am entertaining tonight and my dinner will only start at 7.30pm, so heads will be rolling ciao :)..

Monday, June 9, 2008

read between the lines...

one thing sucks about human relations is having to read in between the lines and finding out the meaning behind every actions and words. i know i've said this before and i'm gonna say it again..why can't anyone just cut to the chase and just say what they wanna say?

geez...hmm, do i sound cranky? maybe i do, but i'm not hehehe. it's just that i'm a bit tired of playing games and having to figure out the meaning behind everything. so from now onwards, no more reading behind the lines but instead i'll look into what's obvious, so dont blame me if the message doesn't get relayed right...

anyways, saya pun seorang yg kuat bermain-main. tp sa tidak pandai mempermain-main kan orang..hmm, hahaha, jadi paham2lah hehehe...

ps: maybe i should be cranky...i'll be working quite late tonight..WTF!!! hehe

another rambling in the evening on a monday :p...

monday ramblings..blues out in the open..

Few days ago, i had a long chat with a good friend of mine. We haven't known each other long and have only met up for a few times. But the first time we met, we somehow connected on an intellectual level and since then, he somehow became the big bro i never had..

i was somewhat drunk and in need of someone to chat with. I couldn't think of anyone available who would be willing to entertain me during my time of need (and intoxicated hehe) so i decided to text him after not being in contact for several months. Initially, i wanted to rant about my own problems..i needed consultation but the moment he called up i realized that i was being self centred by wanting to talk about my stuff when he has a major crisis he has to deal with on his own. well, good thing i realized it instead of being too self absorbed about my problems we talked about his, but then again..his problem isn't exactly a problem but more like a dillemma.

let me make it simple and somewhat vague, one thing that needs to be known is that..they are not in what you may call a normal relationship. they have been a couple and lovers for the past 11 years and a relationship that long shouldn't be looked at lightly. but what's bothering him right now is that, his life long partner is now bedridden and he wouldn't wanna be anywhere else but to stay by his partner's side until the last moment. but due to work commitments and all, he's not able to be here and right now..all he can do is wait for that much dreaded call. frankly speaking, i can somewhat picture how both of them are feeling right now..

and another thing that bugs him the most is the fact that they can't declare their relationship to anyone including their families due to both sides families conservative beliefs and traditions and having to deny their relationship whenever they were asked how are they related hurts very much. this in a sense i can perfectly understand..being denied or denying the fact of the relationship can be very hurtful, but i'm not going into that any further.

so the next day, last Saturday evening, i decided to pay his partner a visit. but i couldn't bring myself to see him..besides, i dont think that person remembers me, we've only met like once or twice before and i didn't do anything worth remembering. i managed to drop by the nurse's desk, and peek at how that person was doing.

well..we did talk about the stuff which has been bothering me..and he did give out good advices. the advices which got stuck in mind was 'if you don't feel appreciated or if that person couldnt even express what needs to be expressed, then you should just get yourself out of the relationship and forget about the person. because when two person are in love, expressing what they truly feel shouldn't be much of a problem no matter how difficult the situation is...'. he has a point and i knew i should've done what he told me to. and after all the talking and advices, he finally said 'you're not gonna take into account what i've just told you, are you?' and i laughed out loud and said 'no..but that all depends..' haha and i knew what i should do then :).

i've been feeling quite mellow or calm for the past few days, been thinking alot about the prospect of being in love and i realized that if being in love entails all these hurt, pain and heartaches, why would anyone even bother of immersing themselves into one? then again, i've made my choice and i've decided to face any obstacles which may arise throughout the course and hopefully in time, everything will get better...

one thing i've learned is, no matter how big or difficult your problem is, there's always someone who has an even bigger stuff to deal with which would make your own problems minute in comparison. so dont fret, just deal with it the best you can..

anyway, didn't get anough sleep last night...i was tossing and turning in my bed and i think i dreamt of seeing what everyone was doing..and honestly, i didnt like what i saw. then again, it's not my place to complain and i have no rights to as well...

geez...this sucks. the attack of monday blues? muahahahaha...ciao peeps :)

Adored - Collective Soul

Another song to start off the monday blues :). Check out the song in my playlist, enjoy peeps :P.

Adored - Collective Soul

I can say this life is
Much better today
Everything turns right if
Wrong gets in the way

Yeah I've got the feeling
It's something I find hard to explain
See I wasn't looking

But girl I'm glad I fell in your way

Then she says oh boy, oh boy
Count your lucky stars

Count what you've been wishing for
Oh boy, oh boy
Count the life you lead
Count how you are now adored

I can say the sun
Burns much brighter today
I can see my path though

Clouds darken my way
Yeah I've got this feeling
It's something I find hard to explain
See I wasn't looking
But girl I'm glad I fell in your way


She said she was tired of

Watching me just wilt and bleed
She said I'm like Jesus
I save those who do believe
Do you, do you believe?


ciao...till then :)

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Decisions and Confusions...

Decision making is another facet of life which we constantly have to go through in the course of our living years. And for some, a simple yes or no to every decision making point is not as easy as it seems.

over the years, we have encountered numerous events and situations which requires careful considerations for better outcome of what is decided. in some aspect, coming to a decision and getting on with it can be relatively easy and in certain areas, even after deciding what needs or should be done for the best can leave an impact on an individual...and in time, irregardless of whether we made the right choice or not, we are still left with that empty feeling of having made the wrong choice and in that instant, we realize would be better to stick with the wrong decision then having to regret it in the future.

the questions then remains, if a right decision has been made only to feel lost and empty, how do we know how to make a right decision? can a right decision be the wrong one? what are we supposed to base our decisions on? gut feelings, instinct or past experiences?

these crossroads can truly be a dilemma. if a right decision can feel so wrong and the wrong ones can feel so right, isn't it safe to say that there aren't any right or wrong decisions in life? what matters is how we feel in the end, we know we've made a grave decision when we feel like crap after making it.

but if we look deeply into ourselves and ask what is it do we really want, the answer can be right under our nose. if you think that you can't let go of the one thing which brings meaning to your life cos if one day, that one thing precious were to disappear and you can't bear the fact of living without it's presence, it is apparent what your choice would or should be like.

but then most of us still fear making a decision, we fear of not knowing what would happen if we did make that move, we fear that everything would change once we have finally decided on what should be done, and we fear of the repercussions..

well, life's like sucks, but in time someone or something will come to your life and show you the other side of what you can only dream of and bring meaning to your seemingly dark and meaningless journey of life. the myriad of emotions such as happiness, anger, love, hatred, etc all blends in to form an alternate confusing world of euphoria and confusion. but hey, look at the bright least you have experienced it while others are still searching and yearning to feel what you're feeling. so for the time being, cherish the moments while it lasts..and whatever decision you have come to, be reminded that there would be obstacles along the way and going through and overcoming the obstacles are part of what makes the decision more worthwhile.

hmmm...another senseless ranting on a Sunday have a good day now okay :)..

hasta luego...

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Forever and Always - Bullet for my Valentine

Forever and always...

That time is here again
Prepare to be apart
And it drives you crazy

Each time i go away
The distance gets longer
But it makes us stronger

Should it all come crashing down around me
Would you be there should I stumble or fall?
To pick up the pieces...

Woooo ohhh ohhhh
Forget about the shit that we've been through
I wanna stay here forever and always

Woooo ohhh ohhhh
Standing here in front of all of you
I wanna stay here forever and always

These days are dead again
It's empty from the start
And it drives me crazy

The hour drifts away
It hurts to remember
This will soon be over

Should it all come crashing down around me
Would you be there should I stumble or fall?
To pick up the pieces...

Woooo ohhh ohhhh
Forget about the shit that we've been through
I wanna stay here forever and always

Woooo ohhh ohhhh
standing here in front of all of you
I wanna stay here forever and always

Forever and always...
(echoing: always)

Forever and always...
Woooo ohhh ohhhh
Woooo ohhh ohhhh
Woooo ohhh ohhhh

Forever and always...
Woooo ohhh ohhhh
Woooo ohhh ohhhh
Woooo ohhh ohhhh
Forever and always...
(echoing: always)

just thought of sharing this song with you people. you can listen the song from my playlist..


another retrospection...:)

there will be a time in our life when we look back and reflect at our life's journey, pondering on our achievements and the things we are still chasing for, and in that short period of contemplation we realize that we haven't exactly achieved or attained much of what we have been dreaming of.

Everybody dreams of becoming somebody prominent or just plain wealthy, or finding that one person whom we have been waiting for all these while. but when the chance to actually materialize these dreams, some of us might get cold feet...afraid of the repurcussions which may occur or getting out from the comfort zone is just too much of a hassle.

then again past experiences has a part in shaping our future by altering our perception of the things around us and changing our mindset to be more wary of our and everyone's next move. this in turn may either make or break us, depending on how we deal with the situations.

the question now or what exactly are we supposed to do in achieving or attaining what we've been waiting or dreaming of? simple, take a chance...there is a 50-50 chance of we either crash and burn or be prosper and happy. but one piece of advice, never let your guard down. if you have built a protective wall around yourself, don't take it down for temporary happiness because once it's down, you're vulnerable to any sudden attacks. and also, look deeply into yourself and get acquainted with the real you, who knows..they might have an insight of what is and isn't to every situation..

geez...pardon this latest entry, just had a short argument with one of my directors. hey, i may be a small fry in the company but i'm tired of doing last minute requests for them and after my long break, i've realized that the only way for me to go far in everything i do is to be a nasty geezer (was gonna say bitch, but the term just doesnt suit me muahahaha :). then again, i know my boundaries when to argue and when to keep shut, as long as i'm right..i dont mind fighting for it..

ciao peeps..

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

trust and jealousy...

trust is a two way street and vitally important for every relationships to work out. without it, all sorts of problems may arise which may result in an ugly ending. but how exactly does trust works? well, for starters, learn to they say, sharing is caring (yeah right...).

one thing that is certain to surface with the lack of trust are the insecurities and most of all jealousy a.k.a the green eyed monster (but not to be confused with envy). with every secrets kept and minimal explanations to the dubious or questionable actions, the green eyed monster is bound to crawl out from the abyss and plant seeds of insecurities poisoning the mind with non-existent facts and wild imaginations contrary to what actually transpired.

come to think of it, it's only natural for a human to have this ugly feeling. if the heavenly beings can be subjected to it which led to their fall from grace, it is definitely acceptable for a human to succumb to the emotion itself.

so how do we overcome it? well, trust is a two way street.. which means it takes two people to make it work. share your thoughts and actions with your loved one, tell them what is exactly in mind and keep any secrets at a minimum and safe level, we don't have to share everything because people or human in general are intrinsically secretive so the least that every couple should do is to add a dash of honesty in whatever they are doing. it is relatively easy to act on it.. when you're really in love with your better half, but it can be somewhat complicated if you doubt your own self.

don't be afraid to say out what you really feel inside or what you really think because when two people are in love, everything they say, do or think matters to each other even the tiniest and seemingly irrelevant ones. Bear in mind that love knows no boundaries and it's blind, everyone would seem perfect in the eyes of their loved ones irregardless of how ugly, fat, short etc etc you are because if they can't accept who you really are, they definitely are not looking at you in your entirety.

then again, look at the bright side...when your better half is jealous, it only shows how much they care for you because if they don't..hmm, it could probably mean they don't love you as much as you think they do :). brain is not getting enough oxygen due to the grogginess of being sleepy hehehe, so pardon this entry. i'm not even qualified to talk about stuff like this hahaha..

buenas noches pueblos :)

hungover rantings...

awww man, i hate going to work with a hangover. everything seems to be a blur and the mind isn't at its best. damn it. coming back to work with piled up stuff to do after a long holiday isn't helping as well hahaha. man..this sucks..

got drunk last night, after chugging 6 cans of stout and 2 cans of beer, my mind went to independent mode. hurtful words were said and dumb decisions were made, but do i regret it? frankly...not exactly although i am a bit doubtful of the decision. has happened and there's no point in retracting any of it.

i can be such an ass when i'm drunk. all my inhibitions seems to dissapear and i would make the grave mistakes of hurting or confusing other people with my words and actions. sucks...maybe i should quit drinking for the time being hehehe...

ciao peeps..need to look for a place to crash. i really can't work with a hangover hehe..

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

love sucks..big time...

"At the end of the day,
when it comes down to it,
all we really want is to be close to somebody.
So this thing where we all keep our distance
and pretend not to care about each other,
it's usually a load of bullshit.
So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to,
and once we've chosen those people,
we tend to stick close by.
No matter how much we hurt them.
The people that are still with you at the end of the day,
those are the ones worth keeping.
And sure, sometimes close can be too close.
But sometimes, that invasion of personal space,
it can be exactly what you need."

-Meredith of Grey's Anatomy

My junior in college posted this in my friendster's comments and she is darn right about one thing..this does remind me of myself, of who i was before and who i am becoming to be once again. been thinking about this for quite sometime but couldn't come up with the words to explain it.

everybody out there is always looking for that somebody to care, somebody to share their happy and sad moments with. but finding that somebody is never that easy...even when you think that somebody is the one for you, life always has their own weird and perverted ways of twisting things around. you may think you're in love and being loved in return, and you may think that you're the only person which matters to that person only to find out in the end that we are just victims of lies and deceptions.

sometimes being in love can be painful, and the pain is more hurtful than any other physical injuries. and as time goes by, we learn to handle the pain and hurt our own way and the best way of doing it is by ignoring everything and pretend everything else doesn't matter. in time, we distance ourselves from anyone and avoid any kind of relationships because of the fear of getting hurt again.

but being ignorant wouldn't stop what we truly feel inside cos no matter how hard we try to ignore everything, we just can't lie to ourselves. yeah, we may be able to deceive everyone around but never ourselves.

experience has shown me the ugly sides of a relationship, and contemplating about it every minute of the day has made me a wiser person. i now know that if a person can't express what they truly feel for you, than get yourself out of the relationship. there's no point being in a relationship when deep down you know you're not getting the attention and affection you should be getting. and if that person says that they're incapable of showing any form of affection, do not prolong the relationship any longer. be strong and forget about what happened in the past and start looking into the future, dont blame yourself for the failed relationship if you know you've done your best to show how much you really cared for that person cos it takes two to make a relationship work.

anyway, letting go is never easy...but we need to realize that's the best thing to do for everyone's happiness. loving someone requires sacrifices, and if you really do care about that person..just let them go and wish for their happiness and never look back at your own decision..

hmm..this is too early for an emotional entry isn't it :)

so long and goodbye..

ciao peeps...