grieving for a loss...

today, i ran over a kitten. the sound of its final yelp when my tyre crushed its skull and its spastic movements leading to its death is going to haunt me for a very long time.

i'd like to say it was an accident and i shouldn't feel too bad about it...but the thing is, it was my ignorance that led to the accident. maybe i wouldn't feel as bad if it happened on a busy highway, unfortunately it happened at a red light.

the kitten went under my car and i should've checked before driving off when the light turned green. i shouldn't have cared about what the drivers behind would think or do if i had just taken a moment to stop and look...in other words, i am to be blamed for what had happened.

i looked into the rear view mirror and there it was the kitten writhing in pain on the road. i immediately stopped my car, something i should've done earlier, got out and ran about 10 meters to where the kitten was. there were no second thoughts, i picked up the kitten disregarding its bowel excrement, ran back to the car and sped off thinking i might be able to reach the vet which was 20km away all the while hoping that its injury wasn't fatal...but deep down i knew it wasn't going to make it or rather, i wasn't going to reach the clinic in time. bragged as Malaysia's administration center with all the hype of being a peaceful, harmonious and green city, it's sad that Putrajaya lacks any veterinary services.

5 minutes later, the kitten stopped moving and it felt like my world came crashing down.

i'm not much of a crier but my tears swelled up in my eyes and dried up before they had a chance to fall. after 15minutes of driving aimlessly, i found a grove and laid its tiny feline body to rest.

i wish i could turn back time and do the right thing.

a lesson learned, at a cost of a life....

a ramble of an update...

sooo...it's been more than a month since starting my term here at putrajaya. despite what everyone says about how dead this place is or how boring this place may be, i think i like it here alot hahaha. frankly, there's nothing much for me to complain about living here.

come tomorrow, saturday 30th october 2010, i will be moving into my own pad (which my big sis is anxious to help me do the touching ups haha) about 15minutes away from my workplace. it's nothing fancy, just a modest place for a single guy to live in. and since i just bought myself a new ride (my white rider! haha), everything seems to be going the way how it should be. i mean, i am excited to finally have my own place after living with a bunch of untidy guys who couldn't even keep the place neat for a minute!!

unfortunately, my mom doesn't really approve of me living alone (owh crap, i'm a momma's boy haha). her only worry is that i would be left vulnerable should anything happen to me. i don't blame her though, she's a mom..my mom after all :). and it doesnt help when i keep things to myself even when i do get sick :).

okay yeah, i do miss my mom, dad and my dog poco back home (as for my sisters...you guys are old enough not to be missed haha), and i do miss hanging out with good friends and having a blast with them. but i'm not regretting the least of choosing to expand my experience elsewhere :p.

i've been asked on several occasions on when am i coming back home, and truthfully, i have no answer to that. one thing about working in the hotel industry is that, our working schedule tend to change at the last minute...but i have every intention of returning home sometime in December, but till then i'll just enjoy my life here until that time comes haha.

owh, before i forget. a few weeks ago i was head hunted by an employment agency to work with a leading oil and gas company to lead the communications department somehwere here in west malaysia. they were looking for:

a) a guy
b) with experience working in the hotel line
c) preferably in the communications field
d) good looking

okay i made up d) hahaha. i never applied for the job and i was flattered to have been offered the position. i dare say that it won't be easy for them to look for a guy with the above criterias (i would know, been in the field long enough to know the market haha). but i had to turn down the offer since (as usual) i just started working in a new place and i love working with the current brand. but who knows, if i do get bored one day, the head hunter has given me his calling card to look for him should i ever 'decide' to try out greener pastures :).

there are a bunch of other things i'd like to write, but the moment i start putting my mind into words...everything that wants to be said suddenly goes blank hahaha. figures, maybe it wasn't as important as i thought it was :).

till then, ciao haha

monkey on the wall...

what did i do today?....

well...i had fun today because i tried out wall climbing.

it was fun, the only downside was that...my arms are now hurting and all my 10 fingers feel all wiggly. i couldn't even hold up a pen to sign my dining bill, it kept falling (i meant the pen haha) and when i did manage to get a grip on it, my handwriting was all different and awkward, it's like i'm just learning how to write. just imagine writing on your non-dominant hand (unless you're ambidextrous than that doesn't apply) hahaha.

why did i enjoy it?

climbing is quite a second nature to me. i could practically climb up on anything with a sturdy foothold (except for coconut trees, it's impossible for me to climb up on one of those..and yes, i've tried it haha).

but one thing about climbing compared to then and now is that...back then when i was a looooot younger, i had no problem lifting myself up, stretching my legs to reach the corners or any crevices or protruding foothold was a synch but now...it feels like my body was made of lead and stretching my legs far out feels like pulling a ligament...hmmppphhh, the beauty of aging haha.

not to be a superstitious lad, but i think being born in the year of the monkey has its pros..and climbing is one of it...and jumping and being mischievous, sly, cunning, smart, playful, etc etc hahaha (yeah okay, i sidetracked a bit and i know, self praise is no praise...i get it hahaha).

will i be doing it again anytime soon?

hell yeah! haha (once the sensation starts coming back to my arms and hands haha)

so that's what i did today on saturday...in the afternoon. and right now, i'm holed up in my room (as usual) doing nothing (as usual) and might probably put on my reading glasses and pick up a book (duh, to read..what else?) hahaha :D.

i'll tell you what i did last saturday in my next entry hahahaha. ciao peeps :)

the Q&A...

"aren't you sad that you'll be flying off?", a sudden question broke the silence...

"huh?"

"aren't you sad that you'll be leaving your friends and family?"

"no, why should i?", it's not like i'll be dying anytime soon (not that i would know) i thought to myself...

"so, when are you doing your farewell?"

"what farewell?", aaahhh...finally the question came out. geez..can't anyone come up with anything subtle like, 'hey, let's have lunch/dinner and just hang out',.if they had addressed it this way i would've said 'let's go' in an instant..

as in my previous post, my profession will bring me to Putrajaya on this Sunday, 12th September 2010 and honestly, i dread the totally all new environment. okay, not exactly dreading it, it's a mixture of both excitement and nervousness and whenever i think about my new place, i have butterflies in my stomache hahaha.

but in my opinion, moving to another state doesn't constitute for a farewell party or anything remotely close to implying that i won't be back ever again...heck, it's only a 2 hrs flight to home hahaha.

i know i shouldn't be pissed at anyone for wanting to hang out with me before my departure, but come on people, please do it subtly or be creative because i get bored and turned off easily if i see what's coming hahaha (maybe that's why i'm good with what i do...anticipating what will happen next :p).

speaking of which, the reality of independence is finally setting in and after calculating my living cost budget, i realized that for me to live comfortably and save enough at the same time, i could only get a second hand vehicle around RM12k max (yeah, iswara should do it haha) and an apartment at RM500 max a month hahaha.

since i'll be eworking in putrajaya, i'm pretty glad that i wont be tempted to go out drinking as often as what i've been doing here in kk. been meaning to minimise my sessions but having friends who enjoys drinking with good companies, it's kinda difficult to say no haha. then again, we'll see how it goes...

cheers haha

once an asset, remains to be one...

In about a months' time, KK would soon be a place of a distance as i embark on a new journey on another Malaysian soil. The idea of starting over in a new place offers somewhat of an excitement where new experiences will be gained but most importantly, a self re-invention is in line.

It's not so much as saying that KK isn't offering the thrill or fun that i need, but deep down inside me, the adventurous part, is dying to live a life of independence somewhere away from the comfort of home.

When the opportunity from the group of company which i left a year ago came knocking, i needn't have to think twice of saying yes when it was recommended to me. although at first i didn't have much confidence of ever getting the post since knowing how the group works, they would only choose the best of people for the post and frankly...i never put myself in the same league to those who are holding the same post at the other properties.

For one thing, i don't exactly have the social finesse to hold the post. when the rest are well dressed and groomed, i on the other prefers to have an unkempt hair as i like it to be free and untouched by any hair styling products. another thing is that i much prefer practicality over style or fashion and from my observation, those who hold the position has an air of class with knowledge of what's in and what's not.

Surprisingly, i had a good recommendation from my previous employer. i know i had a good working relationship with her but most of the time, i'm more of a headache to her as my opinions and working style are more often than not contradict with hers. so you would understand how surprised i was when she recommended my name to the other property.

Maybe being myself isn't that bad. maybe people do listen to me regardless of how non-nonsensical i may sound, or maybe people saw other things in me...the potential in me to make a difference even though i highly doubt that's the case.

As i looked back at my previous post 'the outcome...' which was posted sometime last year when i decided to leave the brand, i am now certain that despite my flaws and lack of confidence, the management did care a great deal about me and all the strict directives and exposuresthrown at me were all about to train me in the field.

Even when i made the decision to leave the brand and move to another company, it was always my goal to get back to the group which had taught me so much and gave myself a time limit to gain outside experiences for at least a year before looking for ways to get back into the group. probably i was meant to be with them because right after a year, the chance came knocking even without me looking for it.

Honestly, i'm not quite sure how i would fare with the new property, but if everything was as difficult as i first started with them or if their system are more or less similar to the previous property i worked for, i'm pretty sure that i will advance through it unscathed, although i do still worry that i won't be able to live up to their expectations.

A skype conversation with my previous employer brought a smile to my face:

x-boss: so, have you gotten the reply from them yet?
me: yeah, i got the job (smiling ear to ear even though it was obvious she wasn't able to see me)
x-boss: great, its payback time! (* it took me awhile to figure this out. after awhile did i realize that she was referring payback time to the time when my current company took me away from them hahaha).
X-boss: hope you will be loyal to SLP this time (the initial for the property)
me: nope, i wont. i'm just going to be loyal to SLA (the initial for the brand name)...

Now, moving to the new property requires me to get an accommodation and so far i have yet to find one which fits my budget. so i'm going to use most of my time searching for a place to live while staying in the hotel for two weeks as that's only how long they're letting me stay there hahaha. owh, and i'll be car-less for the next three months until i get my confirmation letter which is required for a car loan (yeah, the big boss had 'advised' or sounded more like stressed for me to get a car as it is vital for me to get around..though not sure to where haha). so, if any of you out there whois staying in Putrajaya and has a room to spare, do look me up! :D

Hopefully a chance would present itself for me to work with the KK properties after two years . But in the mean time, i just can't wait to leave the past behind and start anew...:D