the Q&A...

"aren't you sad that you'll be flying off?", a sudden question broke the silence...

"huh?"

"aren't you sad that you'll be leaving your friends and family?"

"no, why should i?", it's not like i'll be dying anytime soon (not that i would know) i thought to myself...

"so, when are you doing your farewell?"

"what farewell?", aaahhh...finally the question came out. geez..can't anyone come up with anything subtle like, 'hey, let's have lunch/dinner and just hang out',.if they had addressed it this way i would've said 'let's go' in an instant..

as in my previous post, my profession will bring me to Putrajaya on this Sunday, 12th September 2010 and honestly, i dread the totally all new environment. okay, not exactly dreading it, it's a mixture of both excitement and nervousness and whenever i think about my new place, i have butterflies in my stomache hahaha.

but in my opinion, moving to another state doesn't constitute for a farewell party or anything remotely close to implying that i won't be back ever again...heck, it's only a 2 hrs flight to home hahaha.

i know i shouldn't be pissed at anyone for wanting to hang out with me before my departure, but come on people, please do it subtly or be creative because i get bored and turned off easily if i see what's coming hahaha (maybe that's why i'm good with what i do...anticipating what will happen next :p).

speaking of which, the reality of independence is finally setting in and after calculating my living cost budget, i realized that for me to live comfortably and save enough at the same time, i could only get a second hand vehicle around RM12k max (yeah, iswara should do it haha) and an apartment at RM500 max a month hahaha.

since i'll be eworking in putrajaya, i'm pretty glad that i wont be tempted to go out drinking as often as what i've been doing here in kk. been meaning to minimise my sessions but having friends who enjoys drinking with good companies, it's kinda difficult to say no haha. then again, we'll see how it goes...

cheers haha

Relief Counter re-visited....

'Lops, if u were out with your ex yg br break up and u wore the shirt that ur ex gave u. Apa erti? Jawab saja k. Cos i dnt knw whr n how to start my conversation:)'

'emmm...that depends on how the relationship after the break up. if the ex is the cincai type (like me), it means nothinglah...'

'Wht if ur ex is willing to see u for dinner bt after that dia tidak reply ur msgs and ignoring u?'

'susa jg sa mau cakap owh. but it seems that the ex is just not interested lah. then again, i don't know the real story so i might be wrong lah..'

'o, d girl yg break up with him and suddenly he changed mcm dia teda feeling with the gal. bt went out with the girl after 3 weeks of breakin up'...

'why would he wanna do dat? something's missing here...'

'Lops ok. Spare me ur time k. this wud be a lng message. XXX n i broke up and i yg ended it. buti regret so within days i cepat2 la to patch things back. 3 days after, we had dinner as friends cos besday dia. dinner was ok. quite. i invited him out again after bt he didn't think it was a good idea. After that we went silent for 3 weeks, then suddenly i invited him hm out and we had dinner. bt that day he told me he's leaving for KL for good in april. d next day, i told him i wanna c him but sd he's got wrk...i dont understand Lops, y must he see me knowing that i still like him? he shud hav just left to KL without havin to tel me ba.'

at this point, i wanted to say 'maybe he's just confused and dunno what to do...' bt decided to keep the opinion to myself.

bla bla bla bla 'is it possible to lose ur feelings in 3 days? He's very ego Lops, time kami break up, dia tdk text me but after sometime when i text him e.g i miss you..br lah dia reply yg dia juga. but maybe everything is all said and done, no point for me to have answers. If that's what you think he's over me than maybe its true'...

'it's possible to lose feelings in just 3 days, if he wasn't serious with you in the first place...besides, if he doesn't know how to appreciate you, than he's not worth being thought of and your time'...

break ups are normally hard when you're not ready to give up on the relationship just yet, or your feelings for the other person is still strong. and it's especially hard when you don't really know where you stand or why the break up happened. and sometimes, you just need someone to tell you what you wanna hear instead of the what is :). hopefully i said the right things....

ps: i am not a relief counter...look me up if you wanna feel bad about yourself. i'm just an insensitive bloke muahahahaha. no wonder i'm still single....hehehe :p

tired of this topic haha

hmm..honestly, i'm not really in the mood for work..didn't exactly get enough sleep last night so feelin a bit sleepy now not to mention i'm still in the festive mood muahaha (yeah yeah i know, should get back to reality and embrace all the pendings in the office haha).

anyhow, i was surfing through the net and one particular story got my attention. You can read more about it yourself here.

Friends...what exactly does it mean? is it only a word or does it signify a deeper meaning to one's being? i've been getting a lot of emails about friendships lately (maybe it's their way of telling me what a sucky friend i am muahahaha), and i've been thinking whether every single person in this whole stupid world needs someone they can call friend.

the term friend is as elusive as what life means. it's a subjective matter, implying different meanings to different people. Go around and ask, 'what is a friend?' and everyone would quote something similar...just as well, their understanding could be from the same sources.

i asked myself..what is a friend, like the others, i could conjure up the answer out of thin air from what i have read. but when i tried to look at the underlaying meaning, i just paused and went blank...well, not exactly blank, but all the things that i have read and practiced on this matter seem to get all jumbled up.

now...some people would start questioning themselves if they were in my shoes, but i didn't, probably because i knew the answer to that. I am a selfish being, who couldn't be bothered much about the everything or anything around me, someone whois always thinking of his best interest before the others, a sarcastic smartass dude who says what needs to be said without being all sweet and nice (i'm not a buttkisser, my compliments are always sincere and my comments are always based on the what is haha) and a guy who likes to have things his way. yeah...but despite all this, i do make room for compromises provided it works well in everyone's favour :).

so..am i a friend? ...maybe i am. am i good friend? i could be, if i were to put in more effort into it. does it matter if i were a friend or not? you know what..good question, no i don't and i don't give a bull crap hahaha. One thing i understand about being friends is...accepting someone for who they really are irregardless of how shitty they are. it's all about give and take, they accept you for your quirks and annoyances and vice versa.

I am surrounded by great people..people who doesn't expect more from me (come on lah, what else are there to be expected of anyways hahaha) and although i am not ecstatic about having them around (i still love my privacy okay haha) but i am damn glad to be associated with them hehe.

Ciao peeps

ps: just refreshing a boring topic which came to mind hehe. stubborn as an ox..or is it a bull, a monkey perhaps? hahaha

in appreciation...

September has ended and October is in for a new slate and cleaner chapter after months of beating myself up for reasons easily dealt with. before i go on any further, let me remind you that this is NOT supposed to be a sappy entry hehe.

when i made my decision couple of months back on how to deal with the trying situations, it wasn't entirely based on what i was feeling then, but more to assessing the present and compare it to what may come in the future or in other words, applying what i know then and weigh it against with what i may have to face :). yeah, in layman term...it's all about practicality and rationality.

it's relatively easy when it comes to making decisions based on rationality, but rationale can sometimes be blurred by other underlying factor such as emotions, making what may be a simple and solvable task into something the opposite :).

one thing i'm grateful of is having the people i can really call my friends. fyi, i don't normally acknowledge people i just got to know as friends, cos for me, friendship takes time to bond and most of all trust..and trusting people is an issue for me :).

but eventually some of these people i do finally accept as a friend, and it's not because of 'what' they are, but mainly 'who' they are, and when i say who..it generally relates to what kind of persons they are :). then again, i've conditioned myself to notice the type of people who would get along well with me cos my only motto when it comes to making friends is that 'if you can't accept me for who i am, even when i'm such an ass...then there's no point for us to even be acquainted. in some cases, the time factor doesn't apply to some people cos there would be a time when we meet someone, a spontaneous link is formed.

anyhow, what i was trying to say is that, i'm not someone whom you might say 'a person who has a lot of friends' hahaha, that would be far from the truth cos although i am mostly surrounded by great people, but among these great people, only a handful of them are worthy of my respect and these people are the ones i really don't mind hanging out with. but even so, i don't need to meet up with them all the time (or everyday) cos come on..it's not like i'm married to them hahaha.

so to the people that i hang out with, the people that i look for when ever in need of company, the people who would be there whenever i invite them over for any occasions and vice versa... you are the people i call friends and the entry this time is my appreciation to every one of you cos with or without you realising it, you have given me the insights on how to deal with my own demons. i would extend my appreciations personally but unfortunately, my inflated ego prohibits me from doing so or else i would feel indebted to you peeps hahaha.

ps: friends is more than hanging out together and having a great time, it's about understanding and respecting each other's need, cheering them up when they're down and most of all, accepting them for who they really are (even when they're being an ass hahaha). who needs more friends when there're these great people who will always be there for you :). mis mas efusivas gracias amigos, you peeps know who you are :).

friends and acquaintace...

i've mentioned before that i'm a loner, always have been and would probably always be. i think 1 contributing factor to this is that, i dont trust people that easily. but dont get me wrong, having a trust issue doesnt affect my social capability, i think i can get along well with people (most of the time). in other words, i am superficially friendly hahaha.

i'm not on a quest to gather new friends or acquaintances, i'm fine with how i am right now. besides, i couldn't even tend to the ones i know now, probably my selfishness exceeds the need for human relations hahaha.

well, i've learned the art of self entertainment from an early age..and thanks to that, i dont need anyone to cheer me up when i'm down or be there for me for anything else. i am well equipped for fun...with or without anyone hehe. strange eh...thats me :).

i did a test once to find out how long would a so called friend look me up after ignoring every invitations for a night out or for a gathering. apparently, people would start ignoring after the first month..which is good, at least i've eliminated whom to hang out with. but for those who stayed on, keeping up with the invitations even after knowing what my answer would be..those are the people worth hanging out with (not that i have the time to be hanging out hehe).

sometimes, having to know a lot of people feels like a hindrance. i dunno why, but thats just how i feel. i just dont trust them enough to be closer, to be part of their group. i've seen enough lies and pretense in people to know that they're not to be trusted (that includes me...hey, it takes one to know one right :)).

i never blamed anyone for my lack of friends, if any, i'm the one to be blamed for pushing away any potential good friends. i have long known of my shortcomings, my weaknesses..of how much different i am than anyone else. my perspectives of the things around me differ to those of my peers and it used to be a trouble blending in. but i've learned to ignore them and do my own thing..and has been doing it ever since :). so in a way, no one really knows the real me, just as well cos i dont think anyone can handle the real McCoy (my short term relationships can vouch for that hahaha).

some of the things that you would never see me do:

1. Be flattered (i dont believe in flattery cos i dont flatter other people unless i really mean it)
2. Cry (It took me at least a decade to shed my tears, and i think its gonna take another decade or more to do it again)
3. Be in a fight (i've learned to fight my own battles in reality and metaphorically, so i expect everyone else to be able to as well. would only be in a fight if it involves moi hehe. come to think of it, exchanging blows seems to excite me..the pain itself is a God given stimulant :))

so, my verdict for a potentially good friend who updates you of the happening stuff around(based on my previous blog)is: http://josiekupi.blogspot.com hahaha.

hmmm...i think thats all to it :)

ciao peeps..