once an asset, remains to be one...

In about a months' time, KK would soon be a place of a distance as i embark on a new journey on another Malaysian soil. The idea of starting over in a new place offers somewhat of an excitement where new experiences will be gained but most importantly, a self re-invention is in line.

It's not so much as saying that KK isn't offering the thrill or fun that i need, but deep down inside me, the adventurous part, is dying to live a life of independence somewhere away from the comfort of home.

When the opportunity from the group of company which i left a year ago came knocking, i needn't have to think twice of saying yes when it was recommended to me. although at first i didn't have much confidence of ever getting the post since knowing how the group works, they would only choose the best of people for the post and frankly...i never put myself in the same league to those who are holding the same post at the other properties.

For one thing, i don't exactly have the social finesse to hold the post. when the rest are well dressed and groomed, i on the other prefers to have an unkempt hair as i like it to be free and untouched by any hair styling products. another thing is that i much prefer practicality over style or fashion and from my observation, those who hold the position has an air of class with knowledge of what's in and what's not.

Surprisingly, i had a good recommendation from my previous employer. i know i had a good working relationship with her but most of the time, i'm more of a headache to her as my opinions and working style are more often than not contradict with hers. so you would understand how surprised i was when she recommended my name to the other property.

Maybe being myself isn't that bad. maybe people do listen to me regardless of how non-nonsensical i may sound, or maybe people saw other things in me...the potential in me to make a difference even though i highly doubt that's the case.

As i looked back at my previous post 'the outcome...' which was posted sometime last year when i decided to leave the brand, i am now certain that despite my flaws and lack of confidence, the management did care a great deal about me and all the strict directives and exposuresthrown at me were all about to train me in the field.

Even when i made the decision to leave the brand and move to another company, it was always my goal to get back to the group which had taught me so much and gave myself a time limit to gain outside experiences for at least a year before looking for ways to get back into the group. probably i was meant to be with them because right after a year, the chance came knocking even without me looking for it.

Honestly, i'm not quite sure how i would fare with the new property, but if everything was as difficult as i first started with them or if their system are more or less similar to the previous property i worked for, i'm pretty sure that i will advance through it unscathed, although i do still worry that i won't be able to live up to their expectations.

A skype conversation with my previous employer brought a smile to my face:

x-boss: so, have you gotten the reply from them yet?
me: yeah, i got the job (smiling ear to ear even though it was obvious she wasn't able to see me)
x-boss: great, its payback time! (* it took me awhile to figure this out. after awhile did i realize that she was referring payback time to the time when my current company took me away from them hahaha).
X-boss: hope you will be loyal to SLP this time (the initial for the property)
me: nope, i wont. i'm just going to be loyal to SLA (the initial for the brand name)...

Now, moving to the new property requires me to get an accommodation and so far i have yet to find one which fits my budget. so i'm going to use most of my time searching for a place to live while staying in the hotel for two weeks as that's only how long they're letting me stay there hahaha. owh, and i'll be car-less for the next three months until i get my confirmation letter which is required for a car loan (yeah, the big boss had 'advised' or sounded more like stressed for me to get a car as it is vital for me to get around..though not sure to where haha). so, if any of you out there whois staying in Putrajaya and has a room to spare, do look me up! :D

Hopefully a chance would present itself for me to work with the KK properties after two years . But in the mean time, i just can't wait to leave the past behind and start anew...:D

a fraction of truth

i don't know how i got there, all i can remember were sparkling stars decorating the night sky, few toys strewn on the pavement and me standing on the sidewalk looking at the 2nd floor balcony without much of an expectation.

an alternate observation between the hovering diamonds and the balcony while trying to digest the unfamiliar things around me, a figure exited from the sliding door, walked and stopped at the balcony railing and started looking around as if having lost something.

i hid in the shadows, not quite sure why, but i did anyway. after a while of looking somewhat lost, the figure turned to my direction as if knowing i was there even though cloaked in darkness and made the way down to me. i wanted to run, but i felt stuck..my legs were no longer part of me but an entity with its own mind disobeying the directive passed on through the biological synapses from the brain to the motor sensors.

inch by inch the figure moved towards me until we were confronted with each other. i knew the face, heck, i knew the figure from even when we were facing each other. there were stuff i wanted to say but only one word came to mind, and with regret i said, 'sorry'.

she smiled and started picking up the toys. the next thing i remember was, it was day time and she was standing beside her husband with a baby in his arm. they looked happy, i felt happy because at that moment i remembered what i had told her when i had the guts to confess my feelings,

'i'm not sure if things between us are going to work, but i feel you deserve to be with someone better, and i'm not sure if i'm that person', (okay, just an approximate of what i had meant) and she replied, 'that's for me to decide'.

strange thing about instincts is that, they are most of the time accurate regardless of how unlikely the situation may be.

i stood there for a while, smiled at them and walked away feeling contented because, i was right after all.

few hours after waking up from the dream, i logged into my facebook account and true enough, a greeting was waiting for me by her. i tinge of regret of the what might have been was temporarily experienced, but regret has no place in the present or future because everyone has moved on..as it is supposed to be.

a gush of contentment...

i just have to say this....for the past couple of days (or weeks, i'm not too sure when it happened haha) i've been feeling very contented. it could've been because of all the public holidays we've been having here but that fact itself isn't really convincing as to how my contentment arose. yeah, the outings and hangout sessions played a part in the change but not so much as the main reason. apparently, in between the holidays, work and weekend drinking binges, i've been contemplating and analyzing my own life without even realizing it...

after weeks of subconscious contemplation, it finally hit me that i've finally let go. i mean, for two years i held on to that hope of being with that special someone..probably a chance to be together again, but it only took me a few minutes to understand the full concept of 'some things are just not meant to be'. i keep telling people the same exact phrase without actually believing in it..maybe after saying it so many times i've begun to believe it myself. despite being a sore 'dumpee' (yeah, i got dumped haha), i never held any grudges...in fact, i prayed that the both of us would be happy either single or with someone else and it seems that we are happy, though i'm still single since then hahaha.

hanging out with happy couples helped a lot in coming to terms with the realization. looking at them being all warm and happy towards each other made me wanting to have something similar...yeah, i am envious but i believe my chance will come, only time will tell. then again, i'm not really in a hurry to be in a relationship :).

speaking of relationships...something tells me that i have commitment issues. it's not exactly new to me, in fact i kind of have known about it for quite sometime now. probably my inability to fully trust someone or the fear of getting disappointed has something to do with it hahaha...maybe i'll go deeper into this someday after i've figured it out hahaha. so for the time being, i'll learn my lessons from other peoples' experiences and point of views, which means i'll be doing something i'm really good at...observing haha.

geez, writing all these down feels good...wonder why i have been skipping it( i meant blogging) all this while? hahaha...

Ciao peeps...

happiness is a state of mind - FACT!!...hahaha

i couldn't exactly recall when was the last time i went for a drinking marathon, been too occupied with work this past few months which limited my alcohol consumption to once or twice every one or two weeks. which is good though, it actually helped alot in regards to my weight loss haha.

but for the past couple of days, i've been on a drinking spree with family and friends due to the long public holiday we are having and after all those booze and relaxation, it feels like i've been on a holiday for one whole month and i can't wait to get back to work because honestly speaking...i'm getting bored of not doing anything solid and being away from my desk feels like i'm missing out in something hahaha.

the long holiday was good, i mean i had a chance to reconnect with old friends and got to meet up with new acquaintances. i am so relaxed that, metaphorically speaking, my brain has been resetted and ready to accept new inputs and new ideas for improvement is pouring in like an unblocked dam flooding all those doubts and negativities into the dark abyss hahaha.

anyhow, just wanna share with you peeps how happy i am with my life right now. one of my cousins asked me 'aren't you tired of being single?' and my response was 'i am happy with where i am now, so no..i'm not'. which is true, i mean, everything is falling into place, i am heading towards my self contentment that i don't need any insignificant distractions to steer me away from my focus or drown me in insecurities, doubts or any of those menial emotional factors. yeah, i do miss having someone to be with me to share my good and bad times but...who needs a relationship when i can do that with my few good friends and family, right? hehe

okay...enough ramblings for now. gonna get ready for another drinking binge (yeah i know it's late but hey...there are places which opens until late haha). ciao peeps :)

ps: had a drunken discussion in one of our drinking session and one of the topics we touched on was on science. we had a debate on 'gyroscopic inertia' and i couldn't get it out off my head until today (partly because i have a thing with rotating objects hehe). damn it, i'm so curious to learn more that i've begun to read more on it and the worst part is...i'm was not even a science stream student! damn you physics!! hahaha. read up on it guys...quite an interesting concept :).

morning contemplation...

i'm tired...damn tired, and i'll be this exhausted until mid next month. but despite the tiredness, i am so far...quite happy (i guess) with everything around me.

happiness is a funny thing, the meaning itself is quite relative from one person to another. anyone could put up a happy facade, a smile or laughter here and there pretending that everything is fine.

i could say 'i am happy'...but am i really?
you could say 'everything is going just as it should be'...but is it really?

the sanguine personality one showcases in front of others is just a pretense of the what should have been, a masquerade of ego parading amongst strangers and friends giving off false perceptions of the actual circumstance.

but why give in to life's misery when there are other better things to contemplate? why hold on to the past when the future can sometimes be a good surprise. maybe, just maybe...we can fool ourselves into thinking we are genuinely happy 'if' we keep telling our pathetic selves the same thing over and over again.

so, what is happiness to you? to being able to wake up every morning and smell the new day with the one you love? achieving your goals? being ignorant? helping an old lady cross the street? finally becoming the person everyone thought you might become or becoming the person you have always wanted to be? whichever it may be, what ever it is we're feeling...it is ours for the taking.

hmmm....maybe happiness is just an illusion and we humans are the strange ones.

am i happy? hmm..maybe i am or maybe i'm not...who knows, because i damn well don't :)...

good morning and ciao peeps :)