a fraction of truth

i don't know how i got there, all i can remember were sparkling stars decorating the night sky, few toys strewn on the pavement and me standing on the sidewalk looking at the 2nd floor balcony without much of an expectation.

an alternate observation between the hovering diamonds and the balcony while trying to digest the unfamiliar things around me, a figure exited from the sliding door, walked and stopped at the balcony railing and started looking around as if having lost something.

i hid in the shadows, not quite sure why, but i did anyway. after a while of looking somewhat lost, the figure turned to my direction as if knowing i was there even though cloaked in darkness and made the way down to me. i wanted to run, but i felt stuck..my legs were no longer part of me but an entity with its own mind disobeying the directive passed on through the biological synapses from the brain to the motor sensors.

inch by inch the figure moved towards me until we were confronted with each other. i knew the face, heck, i knew the figure from even when we were facing each other. there were stuff i wanted to say but only one word came to mind, and with regret i said, 'sorry'.

she smiled and started picking up the toys. the next thing i remember was, it was day time and she was standing beside her husband with a baby in his arm. they looked happy, i felt happy because at that moment i remembered what i had told her when i had the guts to confess my feelings,

'i'm not sure if things between us are going to work, but i feel you deserve to be with someone better, and i'm not sure if i'm that person', (okay, just an approximate of what i had meant) and she replied, 'that's for me to decide'.

strange thing about instincts is that, they are most of the time accurate regardless of how unlikely the situation may be.

i stood there for a while, smiled at them and walked away feeling contented because, i was right after all.

few hours after waking up from the dream, i logged into my facebook account and true enough, a greeting was waiting for me by her. i tinge of regret of the what might have been was temporarily experienced, but regret has no place in the present or future because everyone has moved on..as it is supposed to be.

a gush of contentment...

i just have to say this....for the past couple of days (or weeks, i'm not too sure when it happened haha) i've been feeling very contented. it could've been because of all the public holidays we've been having here but that fact itself isn't really convincing as to how my contentment arose. yeah, the outings and hangout sessions played a part in the change but not so much as the main reason. apparently, in between the holidays, work and weekend drinking binges, i've been contemplating and analyzing my own life without even realizing it...

after weeks of subconscious contemplation, it finally hit me that i've finally let go. i mean, for two years i held on to that hope of being with that special someone..probably a chance to be together again, but it only took me a few minutes to understand the full concept of 'some things are just not meant to be'. i keep telling people the same exact phrase without actually believing in it..maybe after saying it so many times i've begun to believe it myself. despite being a sore 'dumpee' (yeah, i got dumped haha), i never held any grudges...in fact, i prayed that the both of us would be happy either single or with someone else and it seems that we are happy, though i'm still single since then hahaha.

hanging out with happy couples helped a lot in coming to terms with the realization. looking at them being all warm and happy towards each other made me wanting to have something similar...yeah, i am envious but i believe my chance will come, only time will tell. then again, i'm not really in a hurry to be in a relationship :).

speaking of relationships...something tells me that i have commitment issues. it's not exactly new to me, in fact i kind of have known about it for quite sometime now. probably my inability to fully trust someone or the fear of getting disappointed has something to do with it hahaha...maybe i'll go deeper into this someday after i've figured it out hahaha. so for the time being, i'll learn my lessons from other peoples' experiences and point of views, which means i'll be doing something i'm really good at...observing haha.

geez, writing all these down feels good...wonder why i have been skipping it( i meant blogging) all this while? hahaha...

Ciao peeps...