Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Thursday, October 8, 2009

HUMOR OF THE DAY...

Okay, some of you may not find this funny...but for those who are in the tourism and hospitality field would find this very amusing hahaha. Cheers peeps :)

Some holiday complaints submitted to Thomas Cook

> "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

> "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I oftenfound i needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

> "On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

> "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

> A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the> room.

> "The beach was too sandy. We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

> A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

> "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

> "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50)> from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

> "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

> "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England,we found out it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

> "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

> "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

> "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

> "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

> "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

> "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

> My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room, but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

Okay, some of you may not find this funny...but for those who are in the tourism and hospitality line would find this very amusing hahaha.

chill out peeps and cheers :)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

LOL!!!!

last night was great...it wasn't crazy great but it was great nonetheless. haven't been laughing my ass out for a very long time, with the gidiots around..there wasn't a single moment of boredom (that's a compliment okay ms. gimitator and ms. gexpressionist huahuahua).

i work in a field where socializing plays an integral part of the job, but looking back, i haven't been doing that for quite some time to the point of being labeled as anti-social. in a way i am...i mean, people just can't be trusted. i've seen and experienced the ugly side of everyone around me leading to the twisted perceptions of people in general hehe.

okay, i may look snobbish or anti-social to some, but looks can be deceiving...living life mostly in solitude has not dampen my ability to socialize. i can be a social butterfly if i want to..operative word here is: if i want to. but i'm just not one of those guys who goes around trying to make friends with everybody like it's some kind of popularity contest...geez, we're not in high school anymore and i've learned to live independently without needing anyone to rely onto (recent relationship has proven that without any doubt, damn it hehehe). i dont need a big circle of friends to have fun, i just need intelligent and non-shallow minded people to have a good time (idiots are just too difficult to handle hahaha).

anyway...i still find it funny everytime i think about ms. gimitator's personal teaching experiences..'lelest' and 'especially.....a BED!!' HAHAHAHAHAHA...well, 'os cof' all of you dont know what i'm talking about, you weren't there :P. probably some of you need more than '2 minutes' to digest what the hell i'm rambling about..and if you still don't get it, stop trying and just get a 'screw driver', probably that will help hahahaha.

last night was great gals...we just need to add more gidiots in the group to prove that ms. gimitator is actually a gidiot magnet hahaha.

ps: still can't stop laughing here....we should do this again. now these are the true beauties with brains hehehe.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Tuesday ad humor...

This print advert is real!! A friend from Dubai e-mailed this scanned portion of job ad last Saturday (i would be very much interested to apply if it wasn't in Dubai :)). geeezzz, why can't we be more creative and daring like these people are...anyway, just an actual humor on this Tuesday morning :)

ps: don't miss the fine print on the right hand side hehe...

buenos dias pueblo!! :)

Monday, May 19, 2008

Something Positive

another one of my favorite past times aside from blog hopping, watching online video and net surfing for irrelevant and random stuff is reading online comics. but as of since 6 years ago, i've been an avid avid reader these two comics: Something Positive and Jack. well, there are other comics that i read through as well, but these two has always been my all time favorites.

Reading Something Positive hasn't been a waste. it has taught me more about wit and sarcasm more than anything and after years of being a fan and practicing it myself, i can finally consider myself as being one of the most despicable guy around hehe, the hell with what they think cos one thing i know from the comic is that...f*** everyone, what matters is what i want and what i like hehehe. but honestly, the only reason i like reading it is because of how they portray the harsh realities of life in humor :).

anyway, if any of you likes this kind of humor, please do click on this link and have fun reading hehehe :)

Friday, May 9, 2008

Naughty Answers!

Got this in my email and i thought i should share this with you guys :)...

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend and kills him.

Wife says :
'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends'.
********************************************

A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, ' send me a brother'

Santa wrote back,

' SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'
****************************************

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress
***********************************

Husband asks 'do u know that the meaning of WIFE is:

W ithout
I nformation
F ighting
E very-time

The wife replied 'It means:
W ith
I diot
F or
E ver
!!!'
*****************************************

What's the difference
between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.

Panic is when both are pregnant.
****************************************

Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver run away
**********************************************************

A young boy asks his Dad :'What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that IS confidential .'

TGIF, have a little laughter in this weekend and hope you have a good time...:)

ciao..

Saturday, April 26, 2008

meme?

Plagiarized this from somewhere but somehow lost its original link hahaha.

1. First Memory
wtf? couldnt even remember what i did 20 years ago haha
2. First Pet
i think my family's first pet was a dog (or dogs to be more exact). but i was never much of a dog person so my first pet would be a cat which i found during kindy and snuck it back to my house. Mom didnt approve of it but i persisted to having that cat...stayed with us until it ran away (i think, or was run over by a car hahaha) huhuhuhu :)
3. First Embarrassing Moment
i think it would be when i was selected to represent my school for the children's storytelling interschool competition held at the state library. i wasnt the least nervous during the selection round, but when it came to the final round i couldnt get the words out and started crying haha. hey, i was only 8 years old then and there were other better storytellers than i was, besides..they brought their own props and i didnt bring anything to make my presentation more livelier (cos i didnt know we can do that haha). my first and most embarrassing moment became a permanent scar...i can no longer perform on stage alone hahaha (strangely enough, i never had any problem with public speaking hehehe).
4. First “Best Friend”
Jonathan Siambun. Went to primary school together and the friendship lasted until the angel of death  took him away...rest in peace dude...
5. First Night Away from Home
I think my first sleepover was every weekend at my cousin's place in Penampang :)
6. First Love
hahaha, my first love happened quite later in life...but i'll keep that to myself. no point in expressing love when you've been rejected hahaha.
7. First Unrequited Love
hmmm, there was this girl i had a major crush on. she was like a year younger than i was and it took me several months to get to know her and finally had the guts to ask her out. well, suffice to say...i did go out with her once and thats it (that happened with most of my dates then, one date and it's all over hahaha) cos i thought i wasnt good enough. well, i shouldnt have let my insecurities get in the way :p.
8. First Unreturned Love
hmmm...unreturned huh? isnt it the same as question 7?
9. First Kiss
first kiss was when i was 16 i think...but my first great kiss was...only for me to know hahaha
10. First Bike
when i was 8 or 9? couldnt remember well. dad couldnt afford us a bike so what he did was he collected all the parts and assembled it to be a fully functioning bicycle haha. wish i had his hands, i couldnt even fix a leaking pipe! hahaha (not that i've ever tried though hehe)
11. First Car
came with my first official job, which was in 2005
12. First Time on a Motorcycle
With my uncle when i was just 6 i think...it was a groovy bike haha
13. First Plane Trip
when i was 22 yrs old hahaha. dont ask me why i was never on a plane before haha
14. First Trip Abroad
hmmm...havent been anywhere further than malaysia, so i'll skip this one :)
15. First Job
i was a salesman going in and out of coffee shops and other business premise trying to sell all these cheap stuff. it was extremely embarrassing and i should've quit sooner, but i just finished my high school exam and i didnt know what else to do so i decided to continue doing this to build my self esteem and confidence. and i made a right decision haha. i wasnt working for the money cos back then i didnt need much of it since i was more of a homebody hehe.
16. First Apartment
never had a chance to stay in one, but instead we rented a house during my college years hahaha. man...those were the days and i miss the guys a lot haha.
17. First Furniture Purchased New
does airbags count? hehehe
18. First Regret
being in an accident? shoudn't have been behind the wheels haha. then again, its an experience i dont wish to forget either :).
19. First Fight
hmm...with my eldest sister i guess haha (we used to fight alot!! right Gems hehehe)
20. First Big Book Report
never done this before :)
21. First Scar
on my head and only visible when i'm bald (yeah, i used to be bald alot of times during my secondary school years hahaha). an accidental gift from my eldest sister as well hehe.
22. First Surgery
that would be how i got my first scar hahaha.
23. First Hospital Stay
when i was born i think. was born 3 weeks premature so i had to stay a wee bit longer (if i'm not mistaken :)).
24. First Automobile Accident
driving downhill after our waterfall trip. damn.... :P.
25. First Trip to the Emergency Room
i think i was just 6 years old then when i decided to do something stupid like inserting a seed into my nose and couldnt get it out haha. good thing my dad was just leaving for work when he noticed there was something wrong with me and he rushed me to the hospital...i think that was when i had my first anesthetic as well hahaha
26. First Religious Experience
dont quite remember...wasnt much of a church goer then (and now) but i do believe in the Son hahaha.
27. First Album
Was it Jon Secada? hahaha
28. First Arena Concert
nope...never been to one :)
29. First Concert
i think it would be the KRU concert after the third day my grandfather died. while the others are still grieving, i was already over it and decided to have fun haha. didnt really like the group though but i just went out just for the sake of it :P.
30. First Movie That Scared the Shit Out of Me
not exactly a movie...Freddy Krueger: Nightmare on elm street hahaha
31. First Movie I Saw More Than Once
The willow
32. First Theft
stole some money from my mom/dad to just to buy stuff from the canteen hahaha.
33. First Run-In with the Law
good thing i'm clean :)
34. First Vote in a Public Election
I havent even registered!! hahaha
35. First Public Nudity
No way!
36. First Time Being Drunk
16 or 17 (couldnt remember) haha.
37. First Death of Family Member or Friend
weird...i couldnt recall any 'first' death
38. First Illegal Drug Use
marijuana..just for fun. it didnt even affect me the least! while everyone was laughing their ass out for no apparent reason, i was left there staring and wondering what the hell are they thinking hahaha.
39. First Funeral
i couldnt recall..
40. First Wedding
I think an aunt & uncle? Fuzzy memories hahaha
41. First Time I Felt “Like an Adult”
when i left home for college hahaha...
42. First time I Grieved
i dont quite remember...but it has something to do with my pet dying hahaha
43. First Forced Apology
dont remember...
44. First Time I Was Impressed with Myself
how i stood up for myself when i had my first fight with a classmate (i was 12 years old and since, no one ever dared to lay their hands on me hahaha).
45. First Bad Haircut
this happened quite a lot...couldnt recall the first one hahaha. Besides, i'm not much of a hair person :).
46. First Time Being Grounded
i dont think i was ever grounded cos...there's no point in grounding me when i'm always at home hahaha
47. First Piece of Clothing I Loved
i think my boxers hahaha
48. First Realization that Not Everyone Else is Like Me
Uh, birth? haha
49. First Computer Encounter
i think i when i was just 7 or 8. went over to my cousin's place who was like 10 years older than i was and he showed me how to use it :)
50. First Fight With A Teacher
hahaha, when i was 17. i was really in a rebellious stage, when my teacher called me up front for having long hair and threatened to cut it off i took matters into my own hands. i grabbed the scissors, started cuttting my own hair while looking straight at him in front of the entire class, slammed down the scissors and said 'satisfied?' and walked back to my desk. i think he didnt quite expect a reaction from me since i was always the good kid (heck, i was the assistant class and lab monitor haha), and all he can say is...'you're gonna regret this, you will not pass your exam until you apologised'...well, guess what..i failed my exam and i didnt even apologised although my guilty conscience was eating me inside hahaha. but i made my peace with him when i left though :).

there you go...50 first times stuff about me hahaha. ciao peeps..gonna be at a friend's place for a drinking session...been a week since i last had any hahaha.

ciao...

Thursday, April 24, 2008

25 things i learned from my mother...

Found this while browsing through other people blogs and it brought a smile to my face :). enjoy peeps..

25 Things i learned from my mother.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.


2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
You better pray that will come out of the carpet.


3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!


4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
Because I said so, that’s why.


5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.


6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.


7. My mother taught me IRONY.
Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.


8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
Shut your mouth and eat your supper.


9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!


10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.


11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.


12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!


13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.


14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
Stop acting like your father!


15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.


16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
Just wait until we get home.


17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
You are going to get it when you get home!


18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.


19. My mother taught me ESP.
Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?


20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.


21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.


22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
You’re just like your father.


23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?


24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.


25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

taken from: http://www.okayarms.com