i'm not sure if the hiatus from blogging has done me any good, i'm still (literally) loss for words on what to say or how to end on what i may start. the fault is entirely mine though, and i don't think going for another long break from blogging would make any difference. maybe this is what they call a writers' block :p.
i could start an entry about my new job, but after a long thought, i figured that it's not much different from my old job. it's basically a love-hate relationship, i love my job yet i dislike the thought of waking up early in the morning for it hahaha. or i could blog about the happenings in my life, except that, i don't even know where to begin and what to tell. so far everyting has been great, i have yet to encounter anything bad (something which i couldn't handle), but despite all the good things, the smile and laughters, it feels like there's a dark spot within me which is somewhat eager to find the light or maybe...the other way around. confusing isn't it? well, tell me about it, i've been spending too much time alone that all the dormant incongruous thoughts are resurfacing..heck, but i'm not complaining...its these thoughts that have kept me entertained throughout my lack of social circle (of which i don't mind as well) hahaha.
but one scary thought came over me when i reflected on myself, i mean, if i couldn't be bothered much about the things around me and i can easily entertain myself regardless of anyone's presence...is there anything wrong with me? its a scary thought, maybe i am crazy...rationally crazy (is there even such word) hahaha.
Speaking of crazy, has anyone of you thought about what goes on in the head of mentally unstable people? it has always intrigued me on how their brain works. there was a time i tried to be close to them and just observe, hoping my eye contact could show me a glimpse of how their mind works. During my college years in Kuching, i had a part time job as a store assistant at a store similar to 7-11. Now, this brand has several branches around Kuching so i had a chance to move from one place to another. the job was mediocre, i mean...what do you expect, i was a STORE ASSISTANT hahaha, but what i looked forward to was the arrival of the city's 'crazies' - literally hahaha.
i managed to get close to three of these people, an old chinese guy, an old chinese woman and an old indian guy..and all of them smelt like like they slept in their own shit. even their hair was so dried up they actually stuck together and hardened- except for the chinese woman who looked quite normal, but she still smelled (yeah...think of gross, yucks.. haha). my first encounter was the crazy old woman, and it was my 2nd week on the job. she came into the store, seemingly normal, started picking up stuff and before i knew it, my colleague went to her and asked her to the leave the premise. she didn't though...she went straight to one of those waiting area in the store and just sat there...i didn't care though, i mean..she may be crazy but she's still human and besides, she was seated quitely minding her own business when suddenly she began shouting and started pointing her fingers to my collegues with a nasty glare (i think my colleague was initimidated by her) then suddenly she looked straight at me, made eye contact and all i did was smile...surprisingly, she mellowed down and moved her gaze to the floor. i then took her outside and told her (in my mixed broken chinese haha) that she's not supposed to go into the store. i wasn't sure if she understood me, but she then sat on the pavement hugging her knees. i went back in and looked at the items she picked up earlier, they were satchets of instant coffees. i smiled again, probably she wanted something to drink. picking up a styrofoam cup, i filled it with coffee and passed it to the woman. there wasn't any expression on her face though..no gratitude, no sinister look but just blank, which is something i'm quite familiar with.
she would then occasionally come to the store, but just stayed at the entrance (which only happens when i'm on duty, she would barge in when i'm not around hahaha) and i would get her something like a cup of coffee, ice cream, candies and some other small stuff just for the sake of it :). it wasn't long when i learned from the old timers in the area on what happened to her. apparently, she lost her family few years back from a tragic accident and she hasn't been the same ever since. i was glad to know of it, at least she was once normal...
what i learned from them is that, humans are quite fragile...even when losing their sanity, they are unconciously craving to be part of the society, to be treated with kindness and to be understood. they may lose sight of who they once was, but they're still human nonetheless...just remember that...
i could start an entry about my new job, but after a long thought, i figured that it's not much different from my old job. it's basically a love-hate relationship, i love my job yet i dislike the thought of waking up early in the morning for it hahaha. or i could blog about the happenings in my life, except that, i don't even know where to begin and what to tell. so far everyting has been great, i have yet to encounter anything bad (something which i couldn't handle), but despite all the good things, the smile and laughters, it feels like there's a dark spot within me which is somewhat eager to find the light or maybe...the other way around. confusing isn't it? well, tell me about it, i've been spending too much time alone that all the dormant incongruous thoughts are resurfacing..heck, but i'm not complaining...its these thoughts that have kept me entertained throughout my lack of social circle (of which i don't mind as well) hahaha.
but one scary thought came over me when i reflected on myself, i mean, if i couldn't be bothered much about the things around me and i can easily entertain myself regardless of anyone's presence...is there anything wrong with me? its a scary thought, maybe i am crazy...rationally crazy (is there even such word) hahaha.
Speaking of crazy, has anyone of you thought about what goes on in the head of mentally unstable people? it has always intrigued me on how their brain works. there was a time i tried to be close to them and just observe, hoping my eye contact could show me a glimpse of how their mind works. During my college years in Kuching, i had a part time job as a store assistant at a store similar to 7-11. Now, this brand has several branches around Kuching so i had a chance to move from one place to another. the job was mediocre, i mean...what do you expect, i was a STORE ASSISTANT hahaha, but what i looked forward to was the arrival of the city's 'crazies' - literally hahaha.
i managed to get close to three of these people, an old chinese guy, an old chinese woman and an old indian guy..and all of them smelt like like they slept in their own shit. even their hair was so dried up they actually stuck together and hardened- except for the chinese woman who looked quite normal, but she still smelled (yeah...think of gross, yucks.. haha). my first encounter was the crazy old woman, and it was my 2nd week on the job. she came into the store, seemingly normal, started picking up stuff and before i knew it, my colleague went to her and asked her to the leave the premise. she didn't though...she went straight to one of those waiting area in the store and just sat there...i didn't care though, i mean..she may be crazy but she's still human and besides, she was seated quitely minding her own business when suddenly she began shouting and started pointing her fingers to my collegues with a nasty glare (i think my colleague was initimidated by her) then suddenly she looked straight at me, made eye contact and all i did was smile...surprisingly, she mellowed down and moved her gaze to the floor. i then took her outside and told her (in my mixed broken chinese haha) that she's not supposed to go into the store. i wasn't sure if she understood me, but she then sat on the pavement hugging her knees. i went back in and looked at the items she picked up earlier, they were satchets of instant coffees. i smiled again, probably she wanted something to drink. picking up a styrofoam cup, i filled it with coffee and passed it to the woman. there wasn't any expression on her face though..no gratitude, no sinister look but just blank, which is something i'm quite familiar with.
she would then occasionally come to the store, but just stayed at the entrance (which only happens when i'm on duty, she would barge in when i'm not around hahaha) and i would get her something like a cup of coffee, ice cream, candies and some other small stuff just for the sake of it :). it wasn't long when i learned from the old timers in the area on what happened to her. apparently, she lost her family few years back from a tragic accident and she hasn't been the same ever since. i was glad to know of it, at least she was once normal...
what i learned from them is that, humans are quite fragile...even when losing their sanity, they are unconciously craving to be part of the society, to be treated with kindness and to be understood. they may lose sight of who they once was, but they're still human nonetheless...just remember that...
2 comments:
emm....berubah suda ko o...haha...ya sometimes when kita tinguk org mcm tu actually ada serita di belakang tabir ba tu....sometimes kalu jalan2 d town ada tejumpa durang ni d tepi jalan2..kalu bgs betul tu hari saya..ada jg beberapa kali tanpa pikir byk RM10 bg tu orang..durang mau hidup jg tp kesulitan minda yg bikin susa...too bad malaysia does not have such places for these fellas as western or europe...
jan ko risau jerryster...bkn ko gila ba tu..sometimes sya pun ada pikiran mcm ni jg..jd adaka kita dua gila..haha..
berubah...mana ada berubah. ginilah bah sa yg sebenar-benarnya hahaha.
ishhh...sa rasa ko yg gila ni wel hahahaha :p
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