Friday, July 25, 2008

ramblings again

that dreaded day is just around the corner (well..not exactly around, but getting there :)) and i've been squeezing my brains to figure out what should i do this year. as much as i try not to think about it, just looking at the dates everyday would remind me that it's getting closer and i still have no idea what to do..

for once, i thought i wouldn't be alone this year..probably i would have someone to share it with but alas...i am still as i was in the previous years, geez hehehe. there's no point in celebrating if you can't even share it with that one person who really matters most (basically that has been my motto for the past decade for not clebrating it...)

anyhow...i've applied for a couple of days leave on those dates and hopefully something would come up :).

hypocrisy...been thinking about that lately. does being ignorant constitute to being a hypocrite? i never would have thought to be one cos i am what you see, but only recently the task of being myself seems like a burden. i dont look at someone else's faults cos i know i'm not perfect..and i try to stay away from anything just because i dont wanna face the consecutive music. but even if i seem or was being hypocritical, just note that..i would never initiate anything that might jeopardize my standing.

pretending that everything is okay has started taking its toll, and i feel somewhat drained..tired if i may say so. tired of expecting things that wouldn't happen..tired of thinking that everything would one day be the same as it was before, tired of imagining the possibilities of what is and isnt..and tired of reflecting on the mistakes done.

maybe am not as wise as i think i am...cos if i was, i would be telling myself that what's past is past, what's left is the future. but i keep thinking that my future is shaped by my own past, every decision making points is always based on my past. suffice to say, my past still plays a significant role in my present which affects my future..confusing isnt it? hehe..

ciao peeps :)

ps: i think it's time for my break again...need a rest from my own mind or maybe everything...:)

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