Monday, August 25, 2008

a not so pathetic entry...

i grew up practically alone, being the odd one and only son in the family has led me to experience life's journey with less help from anyone...basically, my experiences are based on my own trials and errors and in time, i learned to experience life from others' point of view..and thankfully, my observation skills towards people has greatly improved over the years (or probably reading people is a skill which runs in my family...).

the reason for this entry is because, in just 2 months time few of my ex's has either gotten married or engaged and honestly speaking..i am happy for them, and i am quite happy and relieved on my end..

looking back on my relationships with them, all i can say is...we had a good time. we clicked on every level and can even talk about practically everything, and i could've been their perfect boyfriend if it wasn't for my own insecurity. the insecurity didn't stem from jealousy, but instead..from my own twisted perception on the relationships. then again, back then..i didn't know what love was..and i dont think i know what love is now, well..for quite sometime, i thought i've found love but apparently the notion itself remains vague up until this very minute. but i do care for them deeply though..

as i was saying, i was feeling insecure. i couldn't shake the feeling that they're better off with someone else better than i am, and being able to see beyond the present situation..i began to distance myself and eventually broke it off with them. yeah, i may sound like having a commitment issue..but i don't..not really i think..it's just that, knowing what'll happen next overwhelms the what could've beens.

but do i regret it? no, but i do feel guilty of not being able to explain the entire truth to them, i just couldn't tell it straight to their face that 'i've seen your future, you would someday end up with someone else better than i am'..i mean, who would believe such a thing? hehe.

that was why i beat myself up badly on my recent breakup, for once i wanted to prove myself wrong cos i thought, maybe..just maybe, if i had put in enough effort things might turn out differently..haha, yeah silly isn't it..in the end, it happened just as i've foreseen it.

haha, i'm not saying that i have the sixth sense thingy, but there are just some things, after taking into account an individual's personality and the current situation, the truth or the so-called future can be revealed :).

to the ladies who was for a brief moment a part of my life, thank you for being there. all i can say is that, you're now with someone with calibre and more successful than i could ever be and i'm happy for you ladies :). guess wat...this song is for you...

TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE - Julio Iglesias & Willie Nelson

To all the girls I've loved before
Who travelled in and out my door
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before.

To all the girls I once caressed
And may I say I've held the best
For helping me to grow
I owe a lot I know
To all the girls I've loved before

The winds of change are always blowing
And every time I try to stay
The winds of change continue blowing
And they just carry me away.

To all the girls who shared my life,
Who now are someone else's wives
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before.

The winds of change are always blowing
And every time I try to stay
The winds of change continue blowing
And they just carry me away.

To all the girls we've loved before
Who travelled in and out our door
We're glad they came along
We dedicate this song
To all the girls we've loved before.

To all the girls we've loved before
Who travelled in and out our door
We're glad they came along We dedicate this song
To all the girls we've loved before.

ps: hmm...just replace the 'love' to 'care' okay..i never said i love you girls throughout our relationship did i? yeah..and you girls had to get hitched within a few weeks from each other eh. was that some kind of subtle payback? hehehe. dont worry bout me, i've stopped searching and now just doing what special single guys does..having practices and fun until the person comes along..if ever...:)

12 comments:

Fridaycat said...

Ok, you just drove me to the bar with this entry. I drink for you lah... In return, you go do something healthy for me k? haha.

Wel^Beiolman said...

i understand jerry..sometimes we thought that we were not caliber or competent enough for them..and perhaps we were really not that good enough for them...but leaving yourself thinking that you're that and this would only (looking your self from toe to the nose..haha..) create a personality conflict within...sedih ni post ko.haha..and breaking off the relationship without proper explanation would not help at all...there's always a reason for something..and I believe there was something that happened years back then...time tadika ka..haha...bubur pisang ko kana curi sumandak ka..haha..

I'm grateful enough to meet lots of people and had quite numbers of exs..each them taught and brought me to be a different person..different perspective...different experience..although they were off to another life and relationship..its what you've learnt that count and not what you've got...

JerryInc said...

doiii Mel, thought of inviting you and Yo for a drink but i figured since Yo couldn't makeit, ko pun most probably be occupied lah..kalau sa tau, suda sa bawa ko minum tu hehehe :). healthy like wat aa Mel? hehe

ya bah Wel, i never regretted any of those relationships..but i do regret for my actions lah, i mean...when i was with them, i try not to think about my needs unless it overwhelms me..i tried doing the same thing with my recent failed relationship..but probably some things are just not meant to be....

Yo. said...

yesterday we went drinkin and ended early. kalo ko mau hari ini pun ulih...oh wait...you got that healthy thing to do. well there's always wednesday :)

JerryInc said...

yeah, wednesday...ladies night...cool hehehe

cLaiRe said...

:) you'll be just fine...

aleaf said...

hhehe.. I know we have a different set of mind. but I understand ur drama. hehehe

JerryInc said...

claire: you know what, i hink i will be...although coping has never been easy

aleaf: thanks dude..was hoping the other person would..but, thats just wishful thinking :P

aleaf said...

there's always hope. wishing wud not hurt. it just made us wondering without moving on.

JerryInc said...

a true fact indeed aleaf :)

urang ranau said...

the show must go on.

JerryInc said...

very true urg ranau :)