my dumbass ramblings to pass the time..in the office hehehe

part of my job description is to read the newspapers on a daily basis and mind you, i love reading the newspapers. But in time, the world conflicts, violence and other social ills seem to have suck out the fun in my daily readings...and the more i read into it, the more ashamed i feel for being one of the so called humans.

i've always known that we humans are unique and complicated beings, with intricate thoughts and psyche..but for some people, having the big matter we know as the brain doesn't really matter cos despite having the intellect, they lack compassion...

look back and reflect at our first memory of how this world was or is supposed to be like, reflect to a time when theoretical knowledge supercedes our previous understanding of our current understanding of this world.

long before i knew this world was round, way before i learned that the earth has existed for aeons and humans has been around as long as the earth has, i've always imagined that the world before this was covered with green meadows and golden sunlight shining brightly and at night, instead of one moon, there would be two moons of different colours to light up the night sky...but the most striking feeling i could imagine was the calmness which seem to envelope the place. there were no wars or conflicts and everyone kinda understood everyone else's needs and it goes without having to utter a single word. yeah, this may sound like one of those science fiction movies, but hey...that was my first thought of how this world would have been like before there were buildings and cars.

what i'm trying to say here is that, i believe that all of us has that innate understanding of how things should be the moment we came into this world. All of us has that clear understanding of what peace, love and respect is. But as we grow older, we seem to lose touch of our inner self and start looking at the world in all it's glory, and our initial perception of how things should be like are swayed by the ideologies and politics of certain individuals or groups.

i still believe there are kindness in everyone, we don't need to rely on religion to express the good in us because it is already there in us. We are lucky to have God to believe in and the religious institutions are lucky to have these kind of people in their midst because it amplifies their religious values as if implying their religion is better than the rest because of these people.

i believe in people, irregardless of your skin colour and race. despite our different features, we are still, after all, brothers of men. all of us has the same red blood, all of us bleed when we hurt and all of us crave for peace, love and respect.

i love nature in all its abundance, the floras and faunas, the unpredictable weather, the rain, the sun, the moon, the stars, and the list goes on and on.

i strongly agree that people can change, for the better or for the worse..it all depends on what the individual wants in life. i've changed, i've become wiser, and i'm living a contented life and no one will ever take that away from me...anymore.

but more importantly, i believe in myself. selfish as it may sound, there's no one else we can truly trust but ourselves :).

i am who i am and we are who we are...if one person can make a difference, than a group of people could probably change the world :).

what can i say, i am weird hahaha...ciao peeps...

So Close-Jon Mclaughlin

gonna share this song with you peeps on this auspicious day :). i kinda fell in love with it the moment i heard it couple of days ago hehehe.

So Close - Jon Mclaughlin

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far



cheers peeps :p

my chinese new years...

Chinese New Year cheers are spreading around like a contagious disease, infecting anyone who are so pumped up for the 2 days break. i should be part of them, the infected ones, but unfortunately my immune system has been fortified with the fact that i'll be working when everyone else are enjoying their time out there....damn it..then again, i haven't been celebrating it for the past three years...ever since i worked in the hospitality industry..

there was a time when the lunar new year was the only celebration i look forward to. the thought of getting ang pows, playing fireworks and getting more ang pows (okay okay..and meeting up with my cousins hehe) is gratifying enough for a someone like me. yeah, i remember those days...days when i was still a kid and days before the passing of my grandfather...

i'm part chinese from my dad's side, my grandfather was a pure bred china man. history be told that he was a stowaway on board of a chinese ship to escape capture by the communists for leading a youth rebel against them (or so i was told haha). eventually, his journey landed him in Ranau and that's where his new life began.

his marriage to my grandmother bore him 7 children. and life back then was tough with him doing odd jobs here and there, but eventually he pulled through to become one of the most successful entrepreneur in his day. but his success never got to his head, he was well respected and loved by the young and old in that small town and made a major impact in the town's development as well.

yeah, he was smart and wise..but also very stubborn, a trait which was passed down to his descendants (among other things) hahaha. but his success wouldn't have materialized without the support of his loving wife, my grandmother.

now, my grandmother is of small stature but with a big heart. in my entire life, i dont think i've ever heard her raised her voice..not even once. she was this patient and resourceful woman, and in more ways than one...a stark contrast to my grandfather. but despite their differences, no one could deny how much they loved and cared for each other. even in their old age, they were still sleeping with together on the same bed. my mom once told me that, my grandparents would talk about stuff until late before falling asleep, and they would repeat the same routine every night.

i like to think that my cousin and i were my grandfather's favorite, we seem to always get our ways with him, probably because we weren't afraid of him... we respected him, but definitely not afraid of him :).

i could still remember one particular chinese new year when my grandfather scolded me in front of everyone else. now, every first day of chinese new year, my cousin and i would come up to him and ask him for extra money to buy fireworks (that was before fireworks were banned) and he would normally give us RM50 or 100, depending on how much he felt like giving (he would normally give us RM100 though hehe) and back then, even RM50 was like jackpot to us haha.

put it this way, my cousin spent all his money on fireworks while i only spent a third of the money (cos i wanted to keep the rest for other stuff haha). we dont normally show the fireworks we bought to our grandfather but on that particular day, we did. here i was with only a bag of fireworks which didn't even fill half of it while cousin had three bags full of it. looking at the difference, my grandfather enquired why i didn't have as many fireworks as my cousin and i explained to him that i'd like to keep the rest of the money for something else.

the next thing i knew he was scolding me saying something like 'i gave you the money to buy fireworks and i expect you to spend the money on what you asked for!!' i think that was the first time he ever raised his voice at me and i left him crying..in contempt and confused. i went back to the store and finished all the money on fireworks hahaha.

for a very long time, i couldn't understand why i was scolded for being reserved. my parents taught me to save money and i was scolded for not spending it...but after several years i realized the lesson behind it. when you're given something to work at, you should do it whole heartedly and ignore other distractions. but hey, that's only my interpretation :).

as i was saying earlier, chinese new year hasn't been the same after my grandfather's passing. he was the glue to the tradition, he was the light of the event and he was the man of the show. nowadays, it's more of a somber celebration...having to do it just because we have to and not because of we want to.

hmmm...come to think of it, i do miss my grandfather...a lot...

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR PEOPLE...may you have a prosperous year ahead :).

cheers :)

blood donation, first in 2009

there's nothing better to start off the week than to do something good for society :). i'm not one of those people who loves monday just for the sake of loving it hahaha, but what makes today's monday special is because.....it's blood donation day at my workplace!! haha

fyi, i don't particularly like needles..but there's something about being poked with it which gives off some kind of adrenalin rush..a turn on to say the least (yeah, it does sound a bit perverted but hey...a little bit of pain is always welcome for that kinda rush hehehe).

anyhow, these are videos of me being vain at the mercy of the needle :P.

Cheers peeps and happy working monday :)

ps: since they couldn't get to my vein on my right arm, they had to poke my other arm to draw out the blood...:p

a simple update...

i know i need to update this blog because the last entry is a bit of an old news, and there are pretty much a lot of stuff i could blog about like how the past couple of weeks has been tiring and yet fun :).

life has definitely been different after the new year, i've been more contented..i have new goals, the past is somewhat a blur and all i can see are the things to come. when i look outside, i don't care if it's sunny our raining because all i see is what i can work with :).

this isn't much of an update, but it still beats the hell of reading the same outdated entry over and over again hehehe

ps: i need a pen name...anyone could suggest any? :)

more ramblings to start off the new year hahahaha

i was doing my usual blog hopping when i read Mel's latest rambling and i couldn't help but to be inspired hahahaha.

but what struck me the most about the new year is how a lot of people share the same sentiment of trying to make this new year better than the previous years, especially for those people like me who had a shitty 2008 hahaha.

last year was a no brainer on how shitty it was, but when i looked back at why things happened the way it did, i realized that i have no one else to blame but myself. i could have just let go, moved on and pretended like nothing happened but since i wasn't ready to let go (probably lack of motivation to do so) all those bad karma came chasing after me like nightmares ready to pounce when i least expect it hahaha. or probably the fear of forgetting once i let go drove my complicated self crazy because i'm one of those people who could easily forget stuff if given enough ignorance period hehehe.

anyhow, there's something liberating about the new year. just the thought of filling up the days with great things overwhelms the irrelevant previous experiences which indirectly gives off a sense of unexplainable peace :). and frankly speaking, this was how i used to be and gradually becoming once again, a person of reason..a sanguine person surrounded by great people and great friends and an independent guy without being indebted to anyone emotionally or materialistically (is there such a word? hehe). i'm just a guy who is happy living life as what is presented to him, the term 'ignorance is bliss' still rings true in my case hahaha.

well, what do i have in store for 2009? i don't quite know myself cos i'm not gonna plan hehe, but what i do know is that i'm gonna grab any good chances which passess by.

so okay, i know i said i wasn't gonna plan, but like what was mentioned before on how Mel's entry inspired me, i've taken the liberty to plagiarize some of her ideas and incorporate it to my own hehehe..that'll be a good way to start the year. so here goes :P.

1. Losing weight will be my main priority this year, so gym is definitely in the picture hehehe

2. Gonna live life optimistically :)

3. Travelling (depending on my budget :p)

4. Crossing fingers that i do get a new job (blown my good chance to be working in KK..damn it..)

5. Make time to read more books and get my hands on more DVD's!!

6. Need to start saving more money and stop spending on unnecessary stuff hahaha

7. Gonna try to sharpen my foreign languages (Spanish and Japanese!!) hahahaha

8. And quoting Mel in my own way 'i'm good looking, talented, smart, sarcastic, witty..all the ingredients of an a**hole and a stud hahaha

9. As for relationship...i'm better off being the way i am now, single and happy yeah!!!!hehehe

ps: I LOVE MY LIFE!!! hehehe