when two loonies interact...

"boleh....*mumble mumble*"..., an incoherent mumbling from a homeless guy and my first impression from his crusted hair and pungent smell was he must be one of those young unfortunate individuals who has gone loony due to reasons only he himself know.

from the mumble, i thought he was asking for money and my first reaction to what he was saying was "huh?" even though it wasn't my intention to listen to him, maybe i was curious to know what he wanted to say to me. as he began to repeat the sentence again, i cut him off abruptly and said "tidak" (no), leaving him behind as i head over to the open air restaurant to have my dinner.

after ordering my meal, i sat there wondering to what he was trying to say to me. something was off, and as i tried to recall the sentences he uttered before i rudely cut him off, i remembered snippets of words like "belanja" (buy) and "mi goreng" (fried noodle). not being sure made me felt restless, so i decided to head back to my car and grab my laptop since wi-fi was available there and i might get my mind off the restlessness.

surprisingly, he was at my car standing as if guarding the vehicle. as i went into my car with my back facing him, i was ready to show off some kung-fu moves should he pounce on me unannounced, but instead, he repeated the same sentence again from a distance and this time i heard him clearly, "boleh belanja mi goreng?" (can you buy me fried noodle?). at that moment i felt bad but reflexively, i said no.

i didn't mean to decline his request, and i certainly wasn't sure of saying yes either. but the thought of declining someone of wanting to have something to eat just felt wrong and it bothered me throughout my dinner.

my siblings and i, or rather all my family and relatives that i know of were raised to never be stingy with food. it's like a taboo for us to not share food, and this is one of the many valuable lessons from my parents i was able to digest, a lesson which i will certainly pass down someday to my own children and them to do the same to their children.

from where i was sitting, i couldn't tell if the homeless guy was still there or not. but right before finishing my meal, i had the captain to prepare a take-away and even threw in a can drink to go along with it just in case the guy was still around.

as i walked back to my car, the guy was still standing there, nearby the restaurant entrance. i didn't want the other patrons to see that i bought this guy a meal, but i realized that no matter where i decide to give him the take away, it'll still be conspicuous to some of the patrons there.

the homeless guy wasn't much help at all, he saw me carrying a bag of something in my hand and to normal people, they would've guessed the content would be none other than food since i just stepped out from an eatery premises, then again, i'm not exactly dealing with a normal guy. this may sound funny, but i had to make eye contact with the guy and raised the bag in my hand to coax him over to my car. i can tell the patrons were looking at me, but at that moment i somehow didn't care. why would i be ashamed of doing a good deed, right? as he took the bag from me, few of the patrons stood up to see what was going on. somehow sensing the awkward situation, the guy took me by surprise when he said "terima kasih bang" (thank you 'bro') and walked away fast paced... well, at least he had the decency to thank me before dissapearing into the darkness.

a wave of relief and warm feeling enveloped me, it has been quite sometime since i last did a good deed to someone and it felt good! :). what can i say, sue me for being nice hahaha.

sadly, i am human after all...

tired..just plain tired. woke up quite early than the usual norm and instead of the 9 to 5 working hours i signed up for when i first joined the company, i ended up working till 8pm and the sad thing is, this isn't the first (welcome to the life of a Hotelier hehe) :).

not exactly complaining here, but sometimes there are moments when the steam need to be let out and this is exactly what i'm doing..letting go of some steam hahaha. come to think of it, i kinda like staying back late at work, partly because i dont exactly have anything much to look forward to or to do when i do reach home early. yeah, there was a time when getting home on time was the only thing i could ever think about, but that's all in the past...before i was listed as one of the eligible bachelors around hahaha. honestly speaking, i do miss those moments..moments when nothing else really mattered but that one person :).

anyhow, my entry this time isn't about self pity, heck, i love staying back late at work nowadays..it really does help take the mind of things (aside from having a personal blog to blurt everything out whenever i feel like it haha). what i'm trying to say here is that, there are times when staying back is much more meaningful and physically and mentally satisfying...like today :).

tonight, the hotel organized a 'Buka Puasa' session for the orphans from Yayasan Kebajikan Suria. Actually, we've been doing this year after year and the great part is...i never do get bored being apart of it, well..not only this, but any other charity related events we organize, especially when it involves children :).

the first time i took part in this buka puasa activity, i practically cried inside. can't really explain why i did, but when the children took my right hand (which i thought it was only gonna be a shake) and lightly put it on their forehead (all the children were Muslim and i think this is their way of showing respect to their elders), something inside just melted away, imagine how difficult it was for me to contain what i was feeling with over 50 kids doing the same thing over and over again.

the sadness wasn't really out of pity, it was more like putting myself in their shoes and imagining what it would be like if i were them. and there's that longing in their eyes which doesn't exactly yell out 'why do i have to be an orphan!?' but more like, 'if i grow up..i wanna make a difference'. the fact that they somewhat lack that certain self confidence which makes them dependent on the rest of their other fostered siblings wasn't much of a help in putting my emotion at ease :).

there was a time when my boss and I visited the orphanage to send over the extra pastries our pastry chef accidentally baked and no one really knew what to do with it. the moment our car came into their driveway, all eyes were fixed on us as if wondering what were we doing at their place. i smiled at them only to be responded with an uncertain smile, but soon as we took the pastries out from our car, all the children insisted on giving us a helping hand and their uncertainty turned into friendly familial actions. no, they weren't being nice cos we brought them something hahaha, but more like we weren't a threat to their established lifestyle :).

i had a good time with them, we were actually having fun with each other..and the kids kinda liked me (not to brag, but i think most kids would fall in love with me immediately. pretty sure that's one of my greatest strength ever). when it was time for us to leave, the children lined up and started doing the hand gestures again..i didn't wanna leave, i wanted to stay and spend more time with them if i didn't have other commitments to attend to, damn it. until now, i am still trying to find a good reason for me to spend more time at the orphanage and get to know the children alot better.

i'm not saying i'm a guy with a big heart, cos i damn well know i'm not. i just wanna point out that, despite my stoic appearance..i do care, well, some if not more about certain stuff and i try to help out if it's within my capabilities :). i know i am placed here on earth to do something, and i'm still trying to figure it out :).

there will be another charity even going on in December and am looking forward to that day :).

ps: i love children and i love charity, but instead of thinking of it as charity, i'd much rather think of it as a responsibility towards other human beings. so if anyone of you who has any plans of doing charity works, especially which involves children, do count me in..seriously (people think i am kidding whenever i tell them this...idiots haha).