Tuesday, September 23, 2008

sadly, i am human after all...

tired..just plain tired. woke up quite early than the usual norm and instead of the 9 to 5 working hours i signed up for when i first joined the company, i ended up working till 8pm and the sad thing is, this isn't the first (welcome to the life of a Hotelier hehe) :).

not exactly complaining here, but sometimes there are moments when the steam need to be let out and this is exactly what i'm doing..letting go of some steam hahaha. come to think of it, i kinda like staying back late at work, partly because i dont exactly have anything much to look forward to or to do when i do reach home early. yeah, there was a time when getting home on time was the only thing i could ever think about, but that's all in the past...before i was listed as one of the eligible bachelors around hahaha. honestly speaking, i do miss those moments..moments when nothing else really mattered but that one person :).

anyhow, my entry this time isn't about self pity, heck, i love staying back late at work nowadays..it really does help take the mind of things (aside from having a personal blog to blurt everything out whenever i feel like it haha). what i'm trying to say here is that, there are times when staying back is much more meaningful and physically and mentally satisfying...like today :).

tonight, the hotel organized a 'Buka Puasa' session for the orphans from Yayasan Kebajikan Suria. Actually, we've been doing this year after year and the great part is...i never do get bored being apart of it, well..not only this, but any other charity related events we organize, especially when it involves children :).

the first time i took part in this buka puasa activity, i practically cried inside. can't really explain why i did, but when the children took my right hand (which i thought it was only gonna be a shake) and lightly put it on their forehead (all the children were Muslim and i think this is their way of showing respect to their elders), something inside just melted away, imagine how difficult it was for me to contain what i was feeling with over 50 kids doing the same thing over and over again.

the sadness wasn't really out of pity, it was more like putting myself in their shoes and imagining what it would be like if i were them. and there's that longing in their eyes which doesn't exactly yell out 'why do i have to be an orphan!?' but more like, 'if i grow up..i wanna make a difference'. the fact that they somewhat lack that certain self confidence which makes them dependent on the rest of their other fostered siblings wasn't much of a help in putting my emotion at ease :).

there was a time when my boss and I visited the orphanage to send over the extra pastries our pastry chef accidentally baked and no one really knew what to do with it. the moment our car came into their driveway, all eyes were fixed on us as if wondering what were we doing at their place. i smiled at them only to be responded with an uncertain smile, but soon as we took the pastries out from our car, all the children insisted on giving us a helping hand and their uncertainty turned into friendly familial actions. no, they weren't being nice cos we brought them something hahaha, but more like we weren't a threat to their established lifestyle :).

i had a good time with them, we were actually having fun with each other..and the kids kinda liked me (not to brag, but i think most kids would fall in love with me immediately. pretty sure that's one of my greatest strength ever). when it was time for us to leave, the children lined up and started doing the hand gestures again..i didn't wanna leave, i wanted to stay and spend more time with them if i didn't have other commitments to attend to, damn it. until now, i am still trying to find a good reason for me to spend more time at the orphanage and get to know the children alot better.

i'm not saying i'm a guy with a big heart, cos i damn well know i'm not. i just wanna point out that, despite my stoic appearance..i do care, well, some if not more about certain stuff and i try to help out if it's within my capabilities :). i know i am placed here on earth to do something, and i'm still trying to figure it out :).

there will be another charity even going on in December and am looking forward to that day :).

ps: i love children and i love charity, but instead of thinking of it as charity, i'd much rather think of it as a responsibility towards other human beings. so if anyone of you who has any plans of doing charity works, especially which involves children, do count me in..seriously (people think i am kidding whenever i tell them this...idiots haha).


Fridaycat said...

I think it's great what you guys do - charity or responsibility, whatever colour you want to paint it. Sometimes when you're feeling down and lonely (or whatever negative feeling la), reaching out and helping others will give you more fulfillment than you can imagine. If you guys need volunteers to help out with any charity-based work, count me in!

(ya you better be grateful I'm feeling nice today. No sarcasm or wise-ass remarks, you notice?)

cLaiRe said...

it's getting ridiculous..how come we somehow do find each other in the same boat? haha...nda ba..ya..i kinda understand how u feel...i always think that we all have our place in this world..n also the fact we can't denied that we all have a part in each other life ba..i always think i'm suppose to be doing something good ni..hehe

I know how the kids felt about it....

JerryInc said...

Mel: yeah exactly, and it's not about feeling superior to the less fortunate, it's about being empathatic :). hmm, you know what..we may need some extra hand for the next event, will keep you in mind :).

(hey, i like my gidiots to be witty and sarcastic aa, i'll be the odd one if everyone's starting to be nice hahaha)

Claire: We are unique people, maybe we are the lost characters in 'Heroes' hahaha. season 4 baru kita buat kitap upunya debut aa :).

Joan said...

charity is good

JerryInc said...

waddya know..i am a good guy :)