Friday, April 18, 2008

drunken ramblings...

'after having been a hermit and abstaining from drinking for nearly a month, drinking alone feels somewhat awkward. i'm finally beginning to feelsomewhat bashful of having to drink alone hehe. not a biggie though, probably time is all that's needed in getting used to being alone in a public place :).

the first thing i noticed when entering my usual waterhole is that this place has gotten a bit smaller. with the recently added hoarding, the environment seemed to have changed. then again, the new look didnt dampen my mood to drink though hehe.

i managed to sing a couple of songs with no applause from the crowd (not that i'm expecting any :)), i didnt care how i sang it because i'm singing for my own pleasure (at the expense of other people's suffering hehe). i'm not singing to impress anyone or gain attention, if i wanted to do that i would've joined a reality tv show haha. the hell with what they think, i am my own man and i dont owe the crowd anything hehe.

one good thing about going for a solo night out is that, i'm free to leave anytime i want to without having the guilt to stay for the sake of someone else. and besides, i dont have to strike up any conversation with anyone hehe.

it seems that everyone around me are happybeing surrounded by their peers, and i bet, to them i must've looked weird being all alone at the bar. a thought then crossed my mind...are they really happy or are they just going along with the group dynamics? i wouldnt know unless i asked them, so i decided to not know hehe.

i have yet to understand what amistad really means. but i refuse to think about it at this moment because i know, if i try to think about stuff like these, i tend to think beyond the question itself and confuse myself in the end leaving the question left unanswered hahaha. hey, that's just me, always blowing things out of proportion (in a good way :))

maybe for once i should stop thinking about the consequences of events. but honestly, i cant. my forecast and guesses are usually right on the spot and thats the only defense mechanism have against the harsh reality of life. i tried being spontaneous once, and it happened t0 be one of my biggest mistake ever (and still recovering from it hehe). since then, it has solidified the importance of trusting my own judgments :).

this is cool, i mean being able to jot down my thoughts while being intoxicated haha. then again, all inhibitions are loose when you're high, maybe i should be doing this more often. get drunk and just let the real me be out haha (naaahhhh haha).

i can see the people around me are still having a blast with their friends, but i no longer stand out cos i can see few tables are occupied by lone rangers just as i am hehe. song is up.. gonna stop for a few minutes hehe..


just finished singing my song Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down, and guess what...i was applauded haha. waddya know!! haha.

one of the staff who happens to be an acquaintance informed me that that Sean had just died. okay, this is like the third time people come up to me just to tell me the news. who the hell is Sean!!?? i dont even know the guy! the first person who told me about his death got this reply: 'people die sooner or later, it's just a matter of when and how. dont bother about death cos our turn will come uninformed', sounds a bit cold doesnt it, what did they expect me to answer?!! hahaha.

this was what i wrote when i was drinking at the bar. i stopped cos i was getting too drunk, but instead of going home, i decided to visit another bar for a new perspective and managed to make a fool of myself with someone i just met haha. well, who cares right? haha :))

ciao peeps...

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