Can't sleep and i have no one to blame but myself. practically slept the whole day through as i didn't know what else to do, besides..the drinking session i had the night before contributed to my sleeping in and the main reason why i can't sleep!!
the past 3 days, i've been drinking like nobody's business...i dunno why, probably my mood swing has returned or maybe i really do am experiencing some kind of depression (need to get myself checked out hehe)...or maybe i'm just using alcohol as an excuse to drown the things i'm trying hard to forget..who knows right :).
my first day drinking saw me alone at a bar with no one to hang out with (something which i prefer...), hung out with a colleague (at a bar as well hehe) on the second day where we had a nice chat about life, love and relationships, something we haven't been doing for quite sometime and the third day saw me drinking with a bunch of friends and colleagues laughing and cheering without having to think about the stuff which has been bothering me. in an ignorant way, it's good, so no complaints there...
but the 3 day sessions has shown me something about my drinking habit. previously, i drank to have a good time with friends, to loosen up or relax. but nowadays, it seems that i rely on drinking to forget about stuff, a temporary escape of the nagging at the back of my head trying to find the solutions to everything. well...the operative word here is 'temporary'..
yeah..drinking does serve it's purpose of relieving all your problems, but be reminded that, it doesn't solve it. what needs to be done is to face the problem head on and face the consequence. for most, being 'that ignorant' may be their answer, and for some they would need to live with the ignorance...sometimes it would work out and sometimes not.
i consider myself an ignorant person, but that's only because i don't really care much about anything. so when someone says they're ignorant, i would say they're because they dont really care..simple as that..
sometime around last week, i did something which i wasn't proud of, it was an act of desperation brought by the fact of being alone. it wasn't anything bad, but it definitely didn't feel right, not to say misleading. was i sorry? come to think of it...not really. it was an experience, a one to many kind of experience. will i be doing it again? yes, but for good reasons this time :). was it a mistake? i dunno...
that's one thing about mistakes. some mistakes happen for a reason, some mistakes feels so right and some mistakes may well be the answer to our questions. which brings me to a thought, if a mistake is wrong but yet it awards a meaningful experience for the future..how can it be wrong in the first place?
we are meant to make mistakes, and it is taken for granted. when anything doesn't work out, we call it a mistake. when something doesn't go according to what we want, we call it a mistake. if we are to blame everything to mistakes, then we might as well start considering ourselves as a mistake since we're the ones who are doing it.
i dont think i ever blamed 'mistakes' for anything which doesn't go right in my life..as much as i wanna think of myself as a pessimist, i am probably innately an optimist or a realist. i dont see things as mistakes, but instead i look at it as something which are bound to happen no matter how hard we try to avoid it. but when a person commits the same mistake over and over again, it would only mean 2 things; it's either they are not ready to accept the repeated mistake as a sign to something which is meant to be or that person is just plain stupid. just remember, it becomes a mistake when we don't learn from it...
man, am babbling again. probably i should avoid drinking for the time being until my mind clears up hehehe.
ps: done my shares of 'mistakes' in the past, but these mistakes has brought me to the answer i've been searching for...the biggest mistake of my life!! but yet, am quite glad that it happened and someday..in the future if i had a chance at it again i would do it :).
goodnight peeps...
the past 3 days, i've been drinking like nobody's business...i dunno why, probably my mood swing has returned or maybe i really do am experiencing some kind of depression (need to get myself checked out hehe)...or maybe i'm just using alcohol as an excuse to drown the things i'm trying hard to forget..who knows right :).
my first day drinking saw me alone at a bar with no one to hang out with (something which i prefer...), hung out with a colleague (at a bar as well hehe) on the second day where we had a nice chat about life, love and relationships, something we haven't been doing for quite sometime and the third day saw me drinking with a bunch of friends and colleagues laughing and cheering without having to think about the stuff which has been bothering me. in an ignorant way, it's good, so no complaints there...
but the 3 day sessions has shown me something about my drinking habit. previously, i drank to have a good time with friends, to loosen up or relax. but nowadays, it seems that i rely on drinking to forget about stuff, a temporary escape of the nagging at the back of my head trying to find the solutions to everything. well...the operative word here is 'temporary'..
yeah..drinking does serve it's purpose of relieving all your problems, but be reminded that, it doesn't solve it. what needs to be done is to face the problem head on and face the consequence. for most, being 'that ignorant' may be their answer, and for some they would need to live with the ignorance...sometimes it would work out and sometimes not.
i consider myself an ignorant person, but that's only because i don't really care much about anything. so when someone says they're ignorant, i would say they're because they dont really care..simple as that..
sometime around last week, i did something which i wasn't proud of, it was an act of desperation brought by the fact of being alone. it wasn't anything bad, but it definitely didn't feel right, not to say misleading. was i sorry? come to think of it...not really. it was an experience, a one to many kind of experience. will i be doing it again? yes, but for good reasons this time :). was it a mistake? i dunno...
that's one thing about mistakes. some mistakes happen for a reason, some mistakes feels so right and some mistakes may well be the answer to our questions. which brings me to a thought, if a mistake is wrong but yet it awards a meaningful experience for the future..how can it be wrong in the first place?
we are meant to make mistakes, and it is taken for granted. when anything doesn't work out, we call it a mistake. when something doesn't go according to what we want, we call it a mistake. if we are to blame everything to mistakes, then we might as well start considering ourselves as a mistake since we're the ones who are doing it.
i dont think i ever blamed 'mistakes' for anything which doesn't go right in my life..as much as i wanna think of myself as a pessimist, i am probably innately an optimist or a realist. i dont see things as mistakes, but instead i look at it as something which are bound to happen no matter how hard we try to avoid it. but when a person commits the same mistake over and over again, it would only mean 2 things; it's either they are not ready to accept the repeated mistake as a sign to something which is meant to be or that person is just plain stupid. just remember, it becomes a mistake when we don't learn from it...
man, am babbling again. probably i should avoid drinking for the time being until my mind clears up hehehe.
ps: done my shares of 'mistakes' in the past, but these mistakes has brought me to the answer i've been searching for...the biggest mistake of my life!! but yet, am quite glad that it happened and someday..in the future if i had a chance at it again i would do it :).
goodnight peeps...
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