the complexity...

here i am seated in front of my laptop for the past 30minutes, blankly staring at it while, at the same time, squeezing my brain out for something i can write about. during the short period of inspiration seeking, a lot of stuff came to mind but nothing practical...everything was about food! KFC would come to mind and suddenly McDonald, alternating between fast food outlets, making me hungrier despite having a filling dinner. geez...and this only means one thing, if you have nothing good to write, then don't force yourself to hahaha.

but over the past few weeks i've been 'plagued' with a self concious doubt of who i really am, questioning my own individuality and my very own existence. i tried blocking it out from my head, but somehow rather a distant or vague voice keeps telling me that i should be 'out there' somewhere making a difference. yeah, it's a bit subjective...i mean, what kind of difference? better or worse? make difference to my own life or someone else's? but the most important question which needs answering to is 'how do i even begin?'.

this isn't the first time i've been bothered by something like this..it has happened before throughout the different phases of my life and i would just shrug it off as something irrelevant. but whenever it does happen, it leaves a lasting deep impression..hence the doubts. call it a 'hero complex' or a 'calling', but whichever name is given doesn't change the fact that i'm still confused by whatever it may be.

anyhow, on a TOTALLY unrelated note...i think i have diarrhea, it maybe because of the amount of food i've been consuming the whole day or probably due to my greediness, i accidentally stuffed myself with spoiled food items hahaahahahaha. the hell with it, nothing a good dose of 100plus couldn't fix hahaha.

ps: "eye spy with my cat eyes, another confusing future ahead of me"...:p. this is one 'pussy' i'd like to hop into bed with hahahaha *disclaimer: this isn't my cat :p...

ciao peeps and goodnight :p...