Thursday, May 22, 2008

of Sol and Luna, the real me?..

tonight shall be another full moon, well..not exactly a full moon but 96% full. did you know that more babies are born during full moon, some believe more accidents would happen at this time around and some people associate the full moon to erratic behaviours. yeah...nice.

I remember growing up loving the Sun more than the Moon. i loved feeling being embraced by the life giving heat and ray of the sun, the bright surrounding everywhere i look. it made me felt safe, alive and most of all..i can play around with a clear view of everything. i didn't really love the night time, but i've always been impressed with the night sky, especially during a full moon and i could spend hours just looking at the diamonds in the sky (which is only visible when there were blackouts or if i was in my dad's hometown in Ranau). In a way, i grew up loving the celestials, but i wasn't the only one. my cousin and i would sometimes stay up late at night and talk about personal stuff, religion, philosophy, astronomy, future, possibilites and most of all...the subject of the forbidden art or magic haha. but we'll get into that some other time..

i started loving the silvery full moon after realizing i was a depressed self centred lonely bastard..if the sun was my source of life and courage, than the moon is my source of energy and wisdom..that's how i look into these two aspects of my intrapersonal being. but in time..i seem to drift away further from the sun and started spending most of my time basking in the silver ray.

taking a walk in the middle of the night became a nightly routine, the long lonely walk was a breath of fresh air and everything seems to be still at night. there were less people walking around, less noise and less disturbance..exactly how i loved it :). i didn't care about the dangers, i felt overtly invincible and nothing and no one can harm me. i continued doing it without coming to any harm :). during these long walks did i realize that human sucks..being human sucks, and getting rid of yourself from any emotional bind was just the way to go..and i was right. i led a stress free selfish life from then onwards but not without a price. i couldn't control my anger and i would be pissed off at any little things..

yeah..i was invincible in every possible way, but one thing i failed to see was the consequences if i were to let down the invincibilty shield and be downright human..suffice to say, it sucked big time!! well, that was the past, this time..i've learned from it and solidified the invincibility twice the strength hahaha...

anyways, am not sure why i'm doing this entry...probably this is my way of telling 'i am still human irregardless of my bastardly ways?!!' haha. well, the hell with it...i have my mood swings, come to think of it i may be a manic depressive, who knows hahaha.

in your face peeps :)...gomenasai, just felt like letting off some steam :)

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